When people started coming out, did rumours/word spread fairly quickly or were you able to control it? I've decided to start coming out to friends but I don't want everyone I know to find out at once. There are a few people I don't want to know for a while and there are others that I want to tell face-to-face without them hearing from someone else. I especially don't want this to get back to my parents before I can summon the courage to tell them in person. So what did people find when they came out?
Initially, I asked people to keep the fact to themselves. And all of them did, which I was really impressed with. I think that, for the most part, people understand the magnitude of the coming out process. Your true friends just want you to be happy and whatnot, so I think that they will respect your needs.
Based on my own experiences I offer these tips: -Gay friends are typically really good about respecting your choice to keep it between you and them, if you let them know when you come out to them. -Emphasize to those to whom you come out that it's really your own personal choice when and where you come out, and ask them to respect that. -If there are people who you don't want to know about your sexual orientation, gauge how close they are to people you do want to come out to. For example, when I came out to my best friend, I told him not to tell his younger brother, who was good friends with my sister's best friend's brother, and I knew that he's told my sister stuff when she's gone to their house before. -Expect others to find out. Especially if you're in middle school or early high school.
I've never had a bad experience with people spreading the word about me being gay. In the beginning, I really did stress to each individual friend that I wanted to keep it between me and the few people that knew at first, and while some of them (always the straight ones :icon_wink) were curious as to why, they always understood and didn't tell other people. One of them even went so far as to actively deny I was gay to another friend who I already came out to. Now that's conviction! Once I told people I didn't care about who knew, my remaining friends knew within the week, though, so that does prove the importance of making your wishes clear :lol: It all comes down to how well you know your friends. If you strongly suspect someone can't keep a secret, it's best not to tell them at first. If they can keep a secret, they'll probably understand why this is such a big deal to you. Explicitely mentioning who you do and don't want to know is a neccessity, though.
I told a few close friends and then one by one people knew. I used to deny it. Now I say, "Yes, and?" I get jokes made about me sometimes, but my friends are cool about it. I was so upset when I heard that rumor going around school, but I'm yesterday's news and nobody really cares now.
So, I came out to some friends telling them not to tell anyone because I wasn't ready. None of them said anything to anyone, which I found out when I came out to more of my friends this year. They said that although they could tell because they've been friends with me forever, no one actually told them that I was gay. It's been my experience that if you tell people they will not tell anyone else unless it's okay with you. The people I have told recently, I said they could tell anyone just not my family. They have only told ONE person, and even then they asked me first if that was okay. Maybe I just have respectful friends, but I think most people dont want to screw up something that is clearly important to you.
I came out to my close friends midway through one school year, and asked them not to tell anyone. At the beginning of the next school year (the last year of middle school), I started letting it be more known, and within a few weeks, even high schoolers knew. So be careful, but don't let it stop you from coming out!
i've been coming out since February of this year, and through just telling close friends i've been able to keep my sexuality a secret from everyone else, its just about telling only people that u know u can trust, eventually though some people may just assume based on your lack of interest in the opposite sex or through how you act or if you start seeing somebody it can be more difficult to hide, so i think its possible to avoid being outed if you want to come out gradually rather than just telling everyone
After i told my third person, the rumors started to spread faster than i would have imagined. I only told about 10% of the people i wanted to total, the rest found out through the grapevine
Thanks, I appreciate all the advice. I think to a certain extent I want a bit of a rumour to spread, save me the trouble of telling everybody.
Rumours spread like wildfire before I came out to anyone. Apparently I don't pass too well as a girl either However! Your real friends wouldn't spread it around that you're gay. If it makes you feel better, you could emphasis when yo do come out that you do NOT want it spread around.
