Hi I'm new to EC and I'm wondering if I can get some help and advice. Sorry if I posted this thread in the wrong area. First of all let me introduce myself my name is Zeek and I'm 17 yrs old. I'd be your sterotypical jock if it weren't that I'm a big nerd secretly:icon_wink. Now to be honest I'm confused to put it blatanly. And there seems to be no one who can help me out where I live. I find myself liking both girls and guys. Whoever there are times when I like one gender more than the other. I'm also terrifed about what everybody will think if they find out. I love sports but the homophobia is so bad which is something that is keeping me from asking fro help. Then theres the situation in my home I'm pretty sure my mother would have a breakdown she is extremely Catholic but my father doesn't care for it so I think he wouldn't freak out as bad. More recently it's become stressfully to a point were I seem to be having mood swings. I hope it doesn't make me seem like a coward but I need somebody to talk to or get some prospective from.
Hey Zeek, I'm new here too. Similar situation, my mom is extremely Catholic (I call her a Shi'ite Catholic) and she flipped when she found out. She still prays every night that I'll just be straight, and she tells me this too. My dad was shocked, but he's accepted it and moved on (as far as I can tell). So I think, if you're comfortable, asking your dad for advice could help. If not, this site seems to be very helpful.
Thanks I thought nobody would respond I was so nervous posting here. I'd tell my dad but I've always had problems with him so are relationship isn't on the best of terms. I was wondering if there are bi or gay athletes here who could help me out here as well.
Hey welcome both of you to EC. I dont think either of you are cowardly and if you hang around here you will get lots of help and support from everyone and the more people you chat to the more you will find that nearly every person here has been in that situation at some point or a similar and has worked through it. I suggest hanging around here looking through and posting in the forums and chatting to anyone you like everyone here is friendly and supportive.
hey and welcome!! one of the best things i picked up on here is that theres absolutely no rush in deciding what you are or arent. give yourself time to figure yourself out. theres no need to tell anyone til you are ready. browse thru more of the threads on here. you will find them helpful.
At peaceloverugby I guess were in the same boat. As far as telling teammates what upsets me the most is how homophobic they can be. For example apparently a gay kid moved to our school this year and they gave him hell and while I don't really know the kid it made me wonder would they turn that easily on me. We've shed tears and blood together and it makes me wonder if they'll abandon me so easily over that issue. At silverhalo thanks I'm gonna make an effort to stick here. Seeing as how theres nobody that I can talk where I live hopefully this place will help out.
Hi Zeek (and peaceloverugby as well), and welcome to EC! I hope you'll find the necessary support and advice here! I wouldn't really call myself an athlete (I really lack the talent for that), but I do try to do a bit of sports, mainly judo and swimming. And I do know that it's really hard to come out to sports friends. Even though I strongly suspect most people in my judo club would not see it as a big deal, there's still something really awkward about telling them. There is the odd homophobic comment, and then there's just the fear that being in the same dressing room would be kind of awkward in the beginning... So I didn't tell any of them so far either (except for my brother, who's in the same club, but he can keep a secret). It is on my to-do lit for the near future, though. I do think that if you come out to them, it's probably not going to be as bad as you think it is. Unfortunately, homophobic behaviour is pretty much socially accepted. Especially when in the company of men only (as if it is needed to prove "we're all men, spending time together, but we're totally NOT GAY!"). It's easy behaviour, especially if gays or bisexuals are those strange other people that you know nothing about. However, when they discover that a close friend is not straight (and has never really been straight to begin with), most people do tend to come around. The trick to tell them is to make sure that the social pressure to act homophobic is not there when you tell them. So doing it in the middle of the dressing room might not be the way to go :icon_wink Picking the teammates who are most likely to react favourably and telling them one-on one would probably be safest. If they react well, you already have some support to fall back on if others react badly. Having part of the team on your side can skew the social pressure to acceptance instead of rejection. If you're not out at all, it might be best to come out to non-sports friends first. If you have close friends who seem likely to accept, they might be the best people to talk to about this. Having a few good coming-outs first to people wo are likely to accept does wonders for building more self-confidence! The same goes for coming out at home. Coming out to parents is not the easiest thing to do. I would advise first coming out to friends, unless you're sure you'll get a favourable reaction from parents. I hope this helps a bit. Please do post and read around. Talking to people, even if it's just online can really help a lot! And if you want, don't hesitate to PM me or any other staff member if you have any further questions. Oh, and P.S., I like the Stark avatar. It does prove your inner geekyness
I think you'll find you can ask for support about almost anything here and there will be someone who can help you. As far as the gay kid who moved into your school this year who got hell. There's something you should understand about the social psychology of people. You have already established a place in your particular group (The team) They are much more likely to accept you than they are the new different kid who moved in. As far as highschool goes, if you dont feel comfortable coming out and you dont really know for sure what you are, then dont come out. If you find it's something that you really cant continue on hiding about yourself, then go for it, but I suggest only telling people you can trust. You're lucky that you're figuring this out now, because you wont be in highschool forever and you can start looking for colleges where you can be yourself without worrying. So welcome to EC, ask anything you want, you'll be accepted here. You'll probably find people in similar situations to yourself as well!
Wow thanks everybodys been really great. At Filip the lockeroom thing is exactly what worries that everybody will get strange about it(although I won't deny that theres some nice eyecandy:icon_wink). I also forgot to mention that the coach is really conserative and we have a great relationship we go weightlifting in the off season. I'm pretty sure I would be a huge shock to him. I mean the homophobia is bad with the older coaches. Back when I was a freshmen the freshmen coach had us do a game called "smear the queer" everybody laughed but I was like wtf that's terrible. Also thanks for the probs on Stark Bleach is my favorite manga. Also at Tswyter I've had this feeling since I was thirteen when I started to get intereseted in girls I also started to get insterested in guys. Which at first I denied and it didn't really start bothering me until the beginning of freshmen year when it seemed everybody was getting a girlfriend. I want to say something to my friends cause I feel like I'm lying to them and they constantly try to get me to go out on dates. I've also thought about telling them that I'm bisexual next year after our final season ends and we gradute. Hopefully they really are my friends and won't stop being just because of that.
Hi there! Welcome to EC! In addition to what Filip and Tswyter mentioned, I would suggest before you come out, maybe try building up your support network, on which you can rely on and fall back on for support if you have to. Your support network could consist of friends, counselors, teachers, LGBT youth groups, other support groups, EC, etc.... It sounds like you are becoming increasingly comfortable and are getting to the stage of being ready to start coming out, which is great! When you start the coming out process, start with one friend, who you trust and know will be accepting (or most accepting compared to your other friends). Your first couple of coming outs are really important because as you experience acceptance, your confidence will increase as you look forward to coming out to your coach, parents/family and other friends. Also, in building your support network, try perhaps to join a LGBT support group. If your school has a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) maybe try joining them. Alternatively, you could also try finding a support group in your community that you could join. being part of a support group can also help you in finding others to whom you can relate to and also talk about experiences or any other things that might come up as you go through the coming out process. Often times, talk about things and hearing yourself can help in making sense of things or for things to become clearer. If you haven't joined one yet, maybe try finding a group near you, and see if they have a social event that you can join. Most groups will have some social events like coffee houses or casual get togethers at their office or meeting place. Always remember though, coming out is not a race that needs to be won. Take your time, and always follow your instincts. If something doesn't feel right to you, maybe give it a bit more thought before taking a step. As Filip mentioned, stick around on EC, create and read threads/posts and talk about things. Hope this helps a bit!
At Mirko I would but I live in a tiny town in Illinois. The counselor is ultra conservative and I think she'd probably make things worse. As far as a support group how would I be able to find one? I never thought of support groups because of the town's size and there is isn't a GSA or anything like that. So I've really been on my own up until now.
Oh, I see. Sorry to hear that the counselor is ultra conservative. Usually counselors are good and should be a 'safe person' to come out to. That's a shame though. Do you leave near a larger town/city? Maybe you could try doing a google search and see if something comes up. You could also call a PFlag chapter located near where you live, and ask if there is something in your area. Given that you are in a smaller town, there might be just a couple of people that get together and there might not be an official LGBT group. But try calling the nearest PFlag chapter and they might be able to give you some info or leads. Hope this helps a bit. If by chance it makes you nervous, I can call them for you and PM you the information as well. Just let me know the next largest town or a larger city. (*hug*)
Just wanted to say it was exactly the opposite--coming here to a site like this is a mark of a lot of courage.
Thanks I hadn't even thought of using a site or even looking up sites. But today I was watching on youtube a video and they happened to mention the site and I decided to look it up.
Hey Zeek! I have also gone through a similar experience. Maybe I can help a little. I am out and have been for the last year, but before that experience i was going through a very similar situation. I am also a "jock" slash closet nerd and throughout high school i considered myself to be bisexual. I was TERRIFIED that my friends or peers would find out. It got to the point where i would get panic attacks and pretty noticeable mood swings because of all the stress i was putting myself through. I ran track and it was such a big part of my life. I made it my own personal way to relieve tension and aggression. I could truly express myself out on the field and on the track. But this also posed a problem when it came to the fear of being discovered by my fellow athletes. I didnt think they would like me anymore or consider me part of the team if i was anything but straight. My school was NOT the friendliest place for people living outside the "norm". They were ridiculed and beaten, not only by fellow students, but also by people living in the community. I didnt feel even remotely safe in that environment and that is what kept me in the closet. As far as me being bisexual, it turned out through lots of soul searching that i was just compromising with myself. I was too afraid to let go of "normalcy" by accepting that i am gay. I figured that if i can't be straight then i would just settle with being bisexual. I'm not saying this is the case for anyone else, just my own. After graduating high school and realizing that i am a gay man and that i could no longer live a lie, i decided to come out of the closet. I came out to my girlfriend first, who now is closer to me than ever. We consider each other family now. I then came out to all of my friends and family within the next week. I was sooooo scared of what they would think, but in the end i realized that if they cannot accept who i am then they arent the kind of people i need to have in my life. They all accepted me, luckily, and this has been the best year so far. I know it can seem like telling people how you feel will bring upon the apocalypse, but it won't. It may not go as smoothly as other people's but you will never know till you try. Just think about who you are and how you are living your life. Be true to yourself, above all else! If you need help, ask for it. Don't let pride or shame or fear keep you trapped. I turned to my friends and my music for support and i suggest that you find what you need. Find what speaks to you, whether it be sports or music or art or simply talking to a friend. "There are many roads in life, oh yes it goes up and down... but it doesn't really matter as long as the music goes on"
Hey there, So I don't feel there's much more I can add to what everyone else ^ has said... I think I can speak on behalf of everyone when I say that we're all here if you need to talk to anyone. Also, I think you would REALLY enjoy reading this thread on ex-Lion rugby player: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/rugby_union/welsh/8421956.stm
While I'm not a jock, I can certainly relate with how you're feeling. While there are "transitional" bisexuals like jw1989, there are those like myself who are totally bisexual to some degree. At the very least, if this is a phase to me I have no idea. However, this is an area to which I've put a lot of thought, and thinking about it has allowed me to come to terms with it. For example, do you lean straight or gay? 50/50? What types of girls turn you on? Guys? Swirl it around in your head, and maybe come out to a counsel or therapist or someone who you'd feel comfortable knowing. Getting it off your chest can really help around others, even if you're telling someone unrelated. Sorry if my post has bad grammar, I'm slightly hung over from the party last night.:icon_redf My advice stands, though.
