The other day I was riding in the car with my mom and she started up this conversation: Mom: "Chaz, you know I really think Annah is a nice girl." Me: "Yah, she's a great friend. I think we may be playing tennis sometime over break." Mom: "I really wish she could be your girlfriend." Me: "No." Mom: "You two would look so cute together in a relationship." Me: "No. Annah is my friend. No relationship possible there." (conversation fizzles out...) I was pretty weirded out by this convo with my mom, and don't quite know what to think about it. First off, my friend annah goes to an entirely different school so dating even if I was straight and wanted to, it wouldn't work out because we could only see eachother about three months out of the year. I would think that my mom, if she was trying to give me relationship advice, she would try to think a little bit deeper than this. I feel like she's scraping at the bottom of the barrel here, maybe for a reaction but I just don't know. Second, I am planning on coming out to my mom sometime over break. Because of this, I don't want to promote anything that might have her thinking otherwise in the time before I tell her. So, when I said no to her two comments, it was quite flat out, carrying a tone that showed absolute no chance of this happening for reasons that go beyond it being annah. I didn't want to tell her the news right then because she was driving, and I also hadn't had the chance to figure out what I wanted to say to her yet. Another weird thing though, whenever I responded with my flat no, my mom acted as if she knew I was going to say that and just continued on as if she was in a dreamstate or something. Right now I feel like my mom knows more about me than she's letting on. I don't know how in the world this is though. To me she's always seemed like the one to have tons of dreams of a perfect wife and little kids for me. I can't quite understand how she could have come to the realization that I may be gay, and then adopted it into her way of thought. If this has indeed happened though, was she trying to encourage me to come out to her with this convo? What was she trying to accomplish with it? What was she getting at? She has me so confused...
I feel the same way about my parents all the time! My dad keeps saying things about girls I could date and how i'll bring kids home some day and stuff like that. I keep just giving flat out "No."s and sometimes i'll just mumble, dad, please stop! he doesnt seem to get it though, I think because we're going through this coming out process that we are thinking about it more than anyone else is, despite the fact that it seems like EVERYONE is trying to get us to come out.
I know how you feel. I feel like my parents are finally starting to catch on that I am gay. The other day my dad made a comment about a cousin who my sister thinks is gay, my dad was just like 'so what if she is it doesnt change anything about her as a person'... he would have never said this just out of the blue and it felt like he was saying it just to reassure me. My mom always asks when I come home for breaks or holidays, so how are the ladies treating you... or do you have any ladies in your life. It used to bother me a lot but I think they are starting to get it after hearing me say no everytime they ask. I think the reason they ask is that they want to know what the deal is. For example, I have never had a serious girlfriend my entire life an im 23 so my parents must be wondering. They probably just want to know whether I am straight or gay, which is a resonable thing for a parent to wonder about I guess.
Perents can be really tough to assess sometimes. Or, maybe scrap the parents part. Everyone can be tough to assess sometimes. Especially once you start coming out, and your thoughts start drifting towards "what if they know already?", it's really easy to see evidence of people knowing everywhere. I had the same with my mom before coming out. She always did have moments where she mentioned about how she would take me, my future wife and kids to Disneyland one day, or about how it was OK if I met a girl to bring her home for a visit etc... In the months before coming out to her, it really seemed to me as if she increased her questions about possible girlfriends. And then she started making references to: "the person you will come home with". I really saw this as a sign she knew. I mean, who would talk about "a person", when it's just easier to say "her"? So even though I was still hesitant to come out, I had a feeling that she wouldn't totally be taken by surprise. However, she apparently had no idea whatsoever. as it turned out, even the fact that in 25 years I didn't even so much as mention a girl never rung any bells... So I'm guessing that everything I saw as signs she knew must have been in my head. Probably just because I was obsessing over it so much at the time that I picked up on little signals I would have discarded previously. Now, I'm not saying that it's the same with your mom, but I think the best thing to do is to assume she doesn't know, and proceed with your original plan. If she had an idea, then it's good, because she already started dealing with it. If not, well, then it might have been overanalysing after all...
I can't speak for your mother, but my mother had conversations like this with me after she knew I was gay, but before I came out to her. I have talked to her since I came out, and apparently she has suspected I might be gay since high-school. And, a month or two before I came out, she and my father had discussed it and were both certain I was gay. However, I can't count the number of times she would bring up how I should have dated this one girl I knew from the dorms, or how sweet another girl from my high-school was. She would talk about how I needed to find a girlfriend if I ever wanted to get married and have children. I am sure now that all of this was either to push me to come out, and/or to confirm her own suspicions that I might be gay. Well, she finally just came out and asked me if I was "more than just friends" with my roommate. When I told her, she took it extremely well, especially considering the fact that she is very religious. Anyways, all of this to say that it is certainly possible that your mother is trying to figure out if you're gay, or is trying to get you to come out to her. Mothers always seem to know much more than they are told, so I wouldn't put it past her. Also, when you do actually come out to her, good luck!
Your post made me laugh because I always have these types of conversations with my mom. She'll say something like, 'I think so and so likes you, she's really nice' or 'I've got the perfect girl for you... why won't you meet her'. Thing is, usually the girls she does pick out for me and try and set me up with would be perfect, so it is hard to say no without me thinking what I think she might be thinking. While my mother does say something like 'hmm, that's interesting' after I tell her yet again that I don't have a boyfriend I don't think she's necessarily trying to get me to come out; I think she just wants me to meet a cool girl and be happy.
i agree with lostandfound, whenever i mention a girl to my mum she makes some comment or asks why i don't ask her out etc, i think mothers just want their son's to be happy, and i can understand why a parent may be concerned, or think its odd that their son isn't dating a girl by the time he is in his late teens. so i think its not so much that your mum suspects you of being gay, its more likely she thinks its odd that your 19 and not dating girls yet lol
