How to be comfortable being gay?

I was feeling exactly like that a while ago, too.. I just "came out" sooner, I guess.. fairly recently, actually lol.

Anyways, I'm lucky to be in a university with an LGBT group that holds a bunch of events on campus.. So ya, I would tell myself that I know I'm gay, but I'd still feel a little "awkward" or "out of place" for some reason. We probably had the same thoughts and fears and such running through our minds..

Basically, there were two things I did. First, I just jumped out there and went to an event held at my university.. was VERY awkward at first and I had no idea what to do.. Just sat around and waited for people to talk to me.. Putting yourself in that kind of situation might "help the reality sink in" or something, but it is very intimidating at first.

Second, I just really thought about the future. Obviously, I could tell myself there's no way I'd have a deep relationship with a woman etc.. So okay I'm gay. Then I'd just imagine what life would be like if I lived with a guy.. and just realize that I COULD do everything with him that I could with a woman except the actual conception of a child. The difference isn't very big. Then just carry on learning how "easy" and "normal" a gay future can be.

..But ya.. I don't know anything about you and what you're thinking, but that's basically what I did. I chose to just go to some random LGBT event to HELP myself get comfortable, as opposed to waiting until I was comfortable to go out in the open.

Edit: Throughout this I wasn't even looking for an actual relationship, and you don't have to be to go to events or anything. I eventually made some awesome friends and it was worth it. I don't know if you're in school or have local events or something.. there IS another post about meeting gay people somewhere here, though..

 

I remember feeling that way. I remember knowing I was gay, ie: not interested or aroused by men in "that" way even though I had dated them in the past. I watched some lesbian themed videos and had to hit pause a few times just because part of my internal homophobia kicked in and cringed because I knew that I wanted that, but I had been told my whole life that that was wrong.

How did I get used to it? It took time. All in all, it took about 3 years (from the point when I first saw girls kiss and me reacting to seeing that and puting the pieces together to the point of Coming out, accepting myself and dating). It probably takes less time for some and more time for others.

Maybe just start watching videos. Romantic or comedies with gay characters/relationships and get used to it. Your body may react but obviously that's ok, because being gay is ok. (*hug*) We (meaning the LGBT community) are normal, we're just not the majority of society.

Maybe go to gay/queer events and just talk to people. Find a gay youth group, contact PFLAG (google them if you like) they're supposed to be really helpful. Attend Gay Pride in the summer if you have one you're able to go to. It can be a positive experience just to see Gay/Queer people live normal lives, just as heterosexuals do.


I also recommend this thread:
http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22056

 

In my process of coming to accept myself as gay, it really helped to write down what it was that I was really afraid of. I wrote down in a journal why I thought I didn't want to be gay, what it was that I thought I'd be giving up. After making that list, I went through and argued my way past every single point. After I had done that, I realized that being gay was the best thing I could ever hope for, it was how I could be happy. It was then that I was able to start being comfortable with who I was.

 

Interesting, I could write the exact same thing! This is exactly what I'm struggling with at the moment. As a 23 year old out to four people who has never kissed or dated a guy, coming out is scaring the s*** out of me. But at the same time, I'm 23 and I feel like I've completely wasted my teenage years so there is also a big part of me that just wants to get on with life and be happy.

 

im out to like 10 people now but im stll not entirely comortable with the idea of being fully out yet. I dont really date people, and I'v never really been THAT into relationships, so dating a guy is only weird for that reason. My friend tried to set me up with one of his gay friends, but i hadn't told him yet that i'm gay. It was a little weird because I didnt know how to act when i was with his gay friend.

 

I'm right with ya, bud.

I know I really dig other dudes, but my same-sex experience is severely limited. I also wasn't really comfortable approaching gay groups, organizations, and the like, but I've made a lot of progress with that. Not only was it beyond my comfort level in terms of being out of the closet, but I was also just so used to being a wallflower, having been one nearly all of my life. I'm still used to people approaching me, not the other way around. You have to approach LGBT groups if you want to join, though, because they're not gonna just come up to someone and notice, "Hey, dude, you look a little gay today. Wanna come join us?" (No matter how much that would make things easier for people like us...)

The only thing that can really make you comfortable being gay is to be open about it. It's a catch-22 of sorts, though. To feel comfortable being yourself, people have to know and be supportive of the real you... yet without their support, you feel like you can't be yourself in the first place. (hahah, hope I didn't lose you there, man.)

You have to just throw yourself out there to break that cycle. It's hard, but worth it. Find and join a local Gay-Straight Alliance or PFLAG group. You'll feel incredibly vulnerable and weird at first. You're not only being much more "out" than you're used to, but you're also the new guy--it's a double whammy--but you'll feel more comfortable with time. Remember that everyone there was the newbie at one point or another. They've felt the same way you did before, and if they're anything like me, they remember it vividly, so they understand.

 

I was really stupid cause I was having this secret thing with this girl who was my best friend (who became my girlfriend of 2 years) yet I still refused to accept I might have been a lesbian because honestley I didn't want to be gay looking back on it now I think I was an idiot but I understand what you mean sometimes you just aren't comfortable with the thought of being gay but it gets easier

 

>>>No matter how much that would make things easier for people like us...

If by "easier" you mean "mortifying", then yes. Yes it would.

There are many ways to work on getting more comfortable with your sexuality, but the one that seems to work best is to interact with more gay/lesbian folk. Not date necessarily, but just hang out and talk about anything and everything. It seems that seeing other gays and lesbians just being themselves enables others to accept themselves that way, as well. It helps people get beyond some of the self-erected barriers they can have in their way, and it helps them see that being gay is no obstacle to anything. "If they can be gay and happy, I can be gay and happy, too." The way from the closet to acceptance is a well-worn one, and all those feet have helped make the path much smoother.

Lex

 

I'm sure some other folk have already said this, but you're nervious because your in new territory. The more time you spend "being gay" the more comfortable you will be.
I've been out for about a year now and I remember that feeling of wanting to tell everyone at once, kind of like ripping off a band aid I guess.


and like Lex said, he always give good advice, take time just to hang out with gay people, just like straight people do, shoot the breeze, talk about cute boys, whatever you feel like chit chatting about. It is amazing the effect being surrounded by your queer peers can have on you.

 

I just came out to everyone I know on Facebook today. I was scared and fear full but when you see how many people really do support and love you the fear seems to fade. It's a big step but if you sure the people you care about love you and respect you then you have more then you need to get through this.