Coming out is overwhelming.

yes, it can be very overwhelming!

i just said to my friends that i was ready to come out and didnt care what others thought anymore. i told 2 of the separately online, then told a group of 3 at a gathering, and the thing is now, i really dont know who knows exactly and who doesn't. Plus, ive got interested in men on my facebook.

as far as my family was concerned, when i told my mum, she told my uncle and grandparents straight out!

but dont feel the need to rush coming out. just take it one step at a time, close friends first, as it looks like youre doing. and coming out doesnt *have* to be a nerve wracking experience. as you grow more confident in yourself, you can just slip it into casual conversations, or just wear a rainbow wristband or something. if you dont make a huge deal out of it, other people are less likely to as well.

 

I just posted in another thread that you don't need to rush through it. And you don't need to tell everyone at once unless you want to. I came out over a period of almost 3 years! And I'm still not done - although all the important people in my life know.

The other thing is that you can ask other people to do the deed for you! I had my dad tell his two brothers while they were golfing back in the summer. And then I simply assumed that my aunts and all my cousins knew. I didn't bother to tell them. I just started talking about my boyfriend or introduced him to them if we saw them in person. And I didn't bother to introduce him as my boyfriend - I assumed they knew who he was.

It can be overwhelming, but try not to let it get to you. Go at your own pace.

 

I watched a video that my University made as an informational video for non-gays. Was very informative for someone closeted at the time such as myself. The last segment of the film was how "coming out" is actually a life long process. You're always meeting new people who don't know, so you must come out to them as well.

But, again, as Jim said...you can do it as slow or as fast as you want.

 

From what I've found, I told my best friends (whom I could trust til I got the courage to tell others) first. Then I told my friends, then my family... and now I tell people I meet as new friends every day. Ok I don't necessarily make friends every day but you get the picture.

Rumour and word of mouth seems to spread too. And once you're ok with the fact that you're gay and out, you'll realize you don't care who knows because it's nothing to be ashamed of. (This may take time though).

 

If you don't want people to tell, then let them know that you trust them and that it should remain between only you. But if you're willing to be open, let them know you're open and that they can tell others as well. This way you can just go about your merry gay way and people will find out out through others and you won't be burdened so much. Just act matter of factly and people seem to not be bothered as much. Sort've like, "Yea, I'm gay.*carry on the conversation: blah blah blah*"

 

Well, if you have to deal with a big load of work, you should really break it down into smaller, more manageable bits.
Don't take on "come out to everyone" as a task. Make it: "come out to highschool friends", "come out to direct family", "come out to people at work", or whatever smaller social groups you can manage.

Usually there is little interaction between different social groups (I have two groups of friends: one group from highschool and one from college. I doubt one group even knows the other exists), so you can plan coming-out to smaller groups of people. And within these groups, you can start with the easiest ones and then work towards telling the harder ones.

Take it one at a time, and don't look at the amount of work to be done, and it will go much easier.

Well, here's the thing about burdening friends: you're allowed to do that, every so often! Because taking on some of their friends' problems and helping them through them is just what friends do. Being friends is more than just having some conversations back and forth. It's also about sharing important things.
Keeping a secret is sometimes as much an honour as it is a burden. It means you trust them enough to reveal something about yourself. And friends do appreciate that and honour it, in my experience.

Now, coming out to a few friends, and not to others and eternally keeping the situation like that is going to be a bit of strain on them, but you have quite a bit of time before it ever gets to that point. As long as they know it's a temporary situation (and they aren't completely addicted to gossiping), they can probably handle it. I had friends keep it secret for more than half a year without them making a big deal about it at all.


This is all assuming you want to come out to every single person separately though. Like others said above, smetimes you can ask people to tell other people. Or just tell them you don't care and let them loose in the world, to tell others when they feel like it. I found it best to come out to close friends first, but by now, they know they're allowed to tell whoever they meet. And it works pretty well so far.

 

When I did come out to people, or "let them know" as I put it in my head, to make it seem less dramatic, I didn't try to let on it was a big deal. I tried to be as casual as possible, so that we didn't end up having a big conversation about it. And I didn't tell them to keep it secret. There were some that I thought should hear it from me, but once you realize that people are going to find out sometime anyway, you end up being less worried about that.

As to family, other than my immediate nuclear family, the rest don't know I'm gay. I don't feel I'm in the closet to them, because it's not something I'd have reason to discuss with them. I haven't had a boyfriend, if I had I wouldn't try to hide it from them. Point is, don't feel pressure to let everyone know, to feel you're somehow in the closet if not everyone knows.

 

I felt the same way. I kept trying to do it all in one swoop, but I found telling a few people at a time much easier, plus word of mouth will help you along.

Don't get freaked out about "now being gay" be the same person you have always been, but just inject gay into it now.

Good luck out there!

 

I did it in one big burst! Facebook. Anyone who I had on there now knows. Anyone who hears through the grapevine then I'll tell them if they ask.

 

I found it easiest to tell the most important people in person (family and closest friends), and then let it spread from there. I also came out on Myspace (it was 2006), and that was how the people I didn't tell outright found out. Word of mouth was also helpful, and just not hiding it anymore - there are people I didn't come out to, I just became out to, if that makes sense. I started living my life as an out queer girl and they figured it out from there.

 

Coming out is a never-ending process, and sometimes it does seem overwhelming. When I came out I told my parents, and then decided to tell a lot of my friends (I probably have about 40 close friends in college scattered throughout the state) and then I changed my facebook so that it could do some of the work for me. It gets easier every time, and actually sometimes it's kinda fun lol. Anyways, it will get easier with time and a lot of the time you don't even have to tell some of your friends because they will find out from others or like I said facebook...but then you still have to talk to them about it when they find out, or act like they already know or if they're cool with it you really don't even need to talk to them about it because chances are they won't even bring it up. The only coming out process for me that was difficult was telling girls that I pretended to like that I was gay because I feel bad..but girls are pretty understanding with the whole gay thing so it's not too bad.