I want to talk to a woman I work with (we're both lesbians)

Ordinarily, I'd just say "start talking" but there's this.

>>>I'd love to say something to her, but I don't know what.

Well, examine that, then. WHY do you want to talk to her? About being a lesbian? Do you have questions, or are curious about her path to where she is now? Try picturing the conversation you'd want to have in your head. What sorts of things are you saying to her?

Lex

 

I know that feeling. You want to mention it, but don't want to embarrass her, because why should you mention it. And even people who aren't gay themselves, I might think I should let them know, but didn't, but no appropriate circumstances came up.

But you do want to let her know. Are you active yourself at all? You could casually mention it, or leave something on your desk. Or you could leave a telling book around. Or if you're talking about a film or television program, you could mention you think such-and-such an actress is quite pretty. She might smile, and you could say, "Yeah, I'm a lesbian too".

 

Well, if it's partly about getting your way around town and finding out if there's a lesbian scene, she mightn't think it too strange if you asked at a casual time of the day, like when you finished work, as you put it, something like "I know this might be a strange question, it's just that I'm new to the town. Do you know of anywhere I could meet other girls?" From what you say, about the potential of getting to know her as a friend of some sort, she sounds like she is friendly enough. And put it like that, it's not as if you asking her about her being a lesbian. As in, it's not a personal question (even though it is a little) so much if you make it about you being new in town rather than her having a girlfriend.

And by talking about her partner in the exact same way any one else in the office might talk about the love of their life, she is being perfectly open about her gayness. There's a chance too that she's picked up on your gayness. She must have seen your rainbow pin, and she would know exactly what it was. Your other colleague mightn't have. Gay people often can tell another, just from years of subconsciously wondering who of different people they'd have a chance with.

 

Touch, I'm in a very similar situation. My employer is a lesbian, and is really, really open (AKA chatty), and she was a huge help to me when I started coming out. She's currently urging me to come out as much as possible.

So, I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with your coworker.

 

Tell her that! Tell her that you really enjoy working with her, and that you'd like to stay in touch - even while you're back at school. She'll be flattered.

No! I'd be fine with this. She is obviously comfortable talking about her partner in the office, and I think she'd be fine offering you some support and encouragement. I would be. I recently attended my company's first LGBT employee meeting and I was the most senior person there. Other people there said that they hoped this group would provide mentoring relationships - and I'd be happy to play that role if someone asked.

Just talk to her. She was once in your shoes. She'll understand.

 

Are you just looking for another gay person to talk to? There is nothing wrong with that. You can even open with that, just be honest she seems like someone who has her life together and you'd like to know if you can talk to her about some stuff.

 

Yeah, I realized after I'd posted that I'd written the quote wrong, I did realize you were back home. It'd probably be especially nice to meet a girl from your hometown, you'd have different things in common with her than your college friends. So you can put it as "...I'm just home from college and..."

I don't think you're crossing a line, because you say you get on and she's chatty. Even someone who's very professional about their work can be quite open on their breaks. As in, don't ask her while you're at your desks, but you could if you're getting coffee together on your lunch break. It would be unprofessional if you asked her to get involved, like to bring her out, or introduce you to a friend. Though if she offered, it wouldn't be unprofessional to accept.

Jim mentioned a mentoring role. She might well be happy to take on that role, but you mightn't be sure if she does. But a simple question about where you might meet someone isn't really asking much at all.

You could ask indirectly. I don't know if you chat much about general things, but if you're talking about college, you could say something like, "I do like being back at home, but it's nice in college that I have a gay community, I kind of miss it here". As in, say to her exactly what you said to us. Again, it's from your point of view, so not a personal question. There's a good chance she doesn't miss at all the lack of a gay community, she's living with her partner, they probably have a few friends they meet occasionally, but as people get older, they do have less time to go out.

I do think you should, because you have this chance of finding someone from home, which could be a fun experience. So good luck