Parental Pressure

Perhaps you're mum might be trying to get you to come out, Or might be testing you're sexuality, anyway do what you feel is right and I thought you were already going out with someone?

 

Well..all great actors play their parts... if you are not yet ready to tell your parents, talk with this friend and see if she can just play along and ''break up'' with you later..don't be pressured into doing something like actually dating this girl if you don't have to..no reason to ruin a wonderful friendship

 

You have to do what you think is right. I'd suggest talking to your mom and saying "we are good friends, and I don't want to ruin that". You don't need to come out yet unless you're ready to take that step, just say that preserving the friendship is more important than anything and see if your mom will back off when she hears that.

 

You're out to the friend, right? Maybe stage something where the friend says in front of your mom that she could never date you because you're too much like brother and sister for it to ever work? Something like that might get your mom to back off if she thinks the girl is not interested, and that would give you enough space until you're ready to come out.

 

Yeah, I have a friend like that. Both her parents and mine assumed we would get married. Even my grandmother got in on it. But despite the fact that we were, and remain, very close friends... even more than that, I would never be able to give her what she would need as a lover or a wife. We are gay dude. Its not just the physical that we love about guys, its the whole package (haha, i said package).

You know this. Just tell your mom that you two are wonderful friends but for many reasons it will never be more than that. That's it. Its your life, you don't owe her more detail than that.

FYI my friend Sarah is now married to a wonderful guy. She is happier than I have ever seen her. I wouldn't have robbed that from her for anything. I love her and I would never want her to be with anyone who couldn't provide what she needed... even me.

 

oops sorry didn't know that (*hug*)

 

You will find a great guy! There are a lot of single gays, that's true.. but that's just part of the culture. Also gay guys (especially of my generation and older) tend to come out later and therefore the "dating" phase comes a little later. If you are looking for a relationship with someone, try starting with being friends with them first. Resist the urge to jump in the sack right away in order to build something a little stronger.

Yes, it is very difficult to watch my friends find love and get married and move forward with their lives when I feel like I am stuck. But that is not something just gay people go through. Everyone is looking for love and companionship. When Sarah got married, I was on the other side of the world and unable to even attend. It was tough, but I would never begrudge her for her happiness.

There are a ton of great guys out there! If you keep smiling and meeting them and making friends, you are going to fall head over heels in love with one who does the same for you... just don't put too much pressure on yourself. If it doesn't happen today, that doesn't mean it wont happen tomorrow.

 

It sounds to me like you want the companionship of going out with someone, and if that means pretending to date your girl friend, on the pretence of pleasing your mother, so be it. You're 21, you've already had a boyfriend. You're 19 years away from 40, so you shouldn't let a hypothetical midlife crisis then get you down. I have no idea who I could meet in the next month, let alone for the next few years, and neither do you. I am sorry to hear you've just broken up.(*hug*) I do find it hard to see those around me, whether they be straight or gay, in relationships while I'm spectacularly good at being single. But even though statistics aren't in our favour as a section of the population, there's no reason to lose hope.

As to pleasing your mother, her thinking you shouldn't let her go. I think you should say something like, "I can't see it would work between us. I'm sure I'll find the right person to go out with soon, but it's not her", and be quite firm about it. You could add, "She doesn't see how it would work either", which is presumably true.

 

Moms want you to be happy. She probably sees that you are very happy when you are with her. Therefore, she probably thinks you two are made for each other. Your mom though will probably begin to casually think of reasons why you won't go out and I'm sure gay will cross her mind. I think most people I know have been casually asked by their parents if they're gay or not.

 

So there is an elephant in the room. Your mom knows, you know your mom knows, she knows you know that... the two of you just don't want to talk about it. Sounds to me like an honest conversation is in order. Just my opinion. I mean, it's not like you have to worry about breaking her heart or anything... she already knows. She loves you anyway, right?

I do hate that big pink elephant.

 

i really wouldnt get involved with your best friend. my best friend is female and i like her too but not in a way id wanna be romantic. you could destroy your friendship by doing that.

 

Are you still dependent on your parents? If not, I think i might be time you come out for good. But even if you are, going out with a girl is NOT a good idea, think of her, that would be unfair to make her think she can have all of you when she can't. She could really get hurt.

 

LOL :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: