hi everyone. i need some advice with a situation. i'm 16 and i read jake gylenhaal once said every man has a phase where he has a crush on another guy or something like that, so when i started having crushes on boys i thought it was perfectly normal. so i grew up ignoring the attractions and tried to deny it, until in 10th grade when i was 15 i developed this huge crush on my best friend so i thought if i didn't "feed" it, it would go away.i personally think i've done a good job in hiding this, i'm in various school sport teams, i talk, walk, act masculine (i'm also quite lucky because most guys in jakarta are metro, we dress and pamper ourselves, so you dont have to be gay to do that stuff), but i do play with a lot of girls and have a keen eye on fashion. there have been some rumours once that i'm gay but my friends told everyone people made that up because they're jealous of me being perfect when in fact i had try so hard to distract people from noticing my tendency to homosexuality. then this really hot girl from one of the most prestigious catholic schools in indonesia started texting me and stuff and her friends keep telling me she has a crush on me, and i felt really pressured because: 1. i'm not attracted to her, but she's made a fool out of her self 2. she's hot, smart, nice and if i don't ask her out people would notice i'm gay, and thats when i started thinking maybe i'm really gay 3. if 2 happens, word would spread really fast because of her school, full of gossipy bitchy girls and nuns so now i've grown really close with this girl but not in a romantic way, but she thinks otherwise, so i ended up with a girlfriend, and i feel bad because i treat her like a trophy, or like this blanket to hide me from being gay. i don't want to hurt her. and the other problem is i grew up in a religious family so i was raised to view homosexuality as wrong, although my parents are the liberal ones compared to my aunts and uncles. and then theres the fact that i live in a muslim country (i'm not a muslim though) so if i come out i'd be expecting villagers bringing swords and torches. but i feel i really need to come out, at least to my closest friends. then theres another part of me thats wants to stop being gay, or bi (hahah im still figuring out) should I come out and just accept my orientation that i'm not 100% straight? or maybe i should just come out next year when i move to norway for study, away from my parents and all my friends back here so they would never know? or maybe i'll grow out of it? thanks your support and advice would really mean a lot!
Hi, I understand how you feel Well, for the comming out part, you rather come out when you are far away from your family and close friends, becasue that wont give you too much presure, especially your strict religion and relatives. But you know, sometimes comming out with your close friends can have some benefits, they can back you up, and help you struggle through your days But you need to make sure who you are before come out, because once you said it, ther wont be no chnace to take your words back. So if you are unsure, we'll help you to find the answers Um, for your "girlfriend", I understand that you are having a hard time telling the truth, but you rather tell her the truth as soon as possible before she even in to you more and likes.loves you more. Becasue she may end up being hurt when her emotions for you is too deep, and she could spread rumors saying taht you dump her, that happened to me If you want to come out to her, you can drop little hint, by talking to her less, and dont treat her like a trophy cuz she thinsk you are really into her. Do things slowly, not like an asteroid suddenly falls on her head XD, Make sure that after you come out, you guys still be friends
the coming out is the hardest bit, and with ur situation it wud b even harder, but one thing i can say when u do go norway u shud definetly come out then, look at it as u have few or no friends there so cant lose any cus ur gay or bi and those u do make once ur out u wont have the problem that they wont like you for being gay. this should also help give you confidence for when you go back home so that you can tell the ppl you care about the most and the ones tht you think should know. as for your girlfriend if you trust her then tell her the entire truth, if ur ready 2 come out then ask her 2 not say a thing for a while until u have told those you want if you dont trust her then just tell her you dont think its going to work out between you two, sometimes you have 2 lie for the greater good
Im stuck in a similar situation with a girl. She seems to like me, but i dont really like her in that way. Dont get me wrong, shes a great friend, but not someone i could see loving. I dont want to tell her, because I dont want to cause her heartache. Its a tough situation.
