Hey EC, long time no see I went to a speech tournament this past weekend, and did pretty well. I did an expository speech on Internet culture, and in my third round the judge was just awesome and he giggled at like everything. But, after that, it just kind of went downhill. My best friend (who is gay -- I'm the only one he's come out to) has a group of friends who are girls. I am cordial around them and they consider me a friend, but I just feel like I'm a nuisance. They have a bunch of inside jokes together and I hate feeling like I'm intruding. I just never have much to say to anyone, and they can go on in conversation for hours. It just makes me feel really lame and whatnot. Dumb, I know, but it's really starting to get to me. I'd like to be able to act "cool" or whatever, but I feel like it's limited by the fact that I'm a guy, too, and that I'm just socially awkward. With college coming up, I'm getting incredibly anxious about the whole thing. I don't enjoy putting myself out there, because when I do, I just end up making polite remarks for about a minute and then forcing the other person to start texting to end the awkwardness. I want to have fun at college, but I don't really see how that's going to happen if there aren't any people I can hang out with. Eh, I guess that's all. Thanks for listening to my rant.
Hi there! First off, glad that you had a great time at the speech tournament and that it went well. Have you thought about the possibility that you might be 'cool' in the way you are? Often times we try to measure up to things or to others when there is really no need for it because they like us just the way we are. If they consider you as a friend, I'm sure they will not see you as a nuisance. I can identify somewhat because I have sometimes the same feeling but often times I find it to be rather an unfounded feeling. But rather it is because I am insecure at times of what to say or should I say something at all. Sometimes what I will do is, I will just listen in and if I find something interesting or hear something to which I can give my cent worth I will jump in and say something. Maybe give it a try. Similar with the inside jokes. They know the jokes but by telling each other the jokes in front of you they let you in on them. Although it might feel like intruding but you are not really intruding, then after all you are a part of that group and they do see you as a friend. I think it is understandable that you feel anxious about college as it is a new experience and it will also mean letting go of a 'protective shell' and putting yourself out there more often. Although this can be hard and intimidating at first you will get the hang of it. There are a lot of actives that you can join in, in a college that will allow you to make new friends and to be yourself. You will find people with whom you can and will hang out with. In preparation for the change, I would suggest that you browse through their website and see what is available in terms of activities and clubs/advocacy groups, etc.... Also, check out if there is a LGBT organization on campus. That would be a good place to meet new people, hanging out with people, and also being yourself around others. If you don't live too far from the college, maybe head down there before school starts and have a look around campus and take note of where things are. Making the campus a bit more familiar to you can help with easing into the campus life and make your start to college a lot easier. Often times, colleges with something called "Head Start" which is usually hosted by the college during the summer before your term begins. It might be worth attending as it will introduce you to the campus as well as to the kinds of services and activities the college has to offer. Another thing you could do, is to check out 'club/activity days' at the beginning of the term. Usually on these days, you will find a showcase of the different clubs/activities and advocacy groups on campus and already start meeting new people. Hope this helps a bit!
Hi Mirko! Thanks for your reply. It definitely helped. I'm not sure exactly why I've been so self-conscious lately, but I just need to cut it out because I am appreciated for who I am. I have looked at the various colleges for LGBT groups, and thankfully, all of them have one. I'm looking forward to joining one and meeting some cool people there. As for today, my best friend had to go home today after second period because he "gave up," which is something I'm kind of worried about. I hope he gets feeling better about life soon. He's really susceptible to this giving up mood, although he was really optimistic about life on Saturday night. I just told him on Facebook that if he needs to talk, I'm always here to listen. Still worried, of course. Anywho, sorry for the tangent. Thanks again for the reply.
Ummm.. just after seeing this I feel I should tell you that my friend is like that sometimes.. and well, one day he actually told me to just leave him alone and such and he went home.. I texted him and could tell that he was a bit "off" so I actually just ran to his house to see what was up. In the end he was grateful and felt a lot better after I did that... So ya.. if you feel something is really wrong, don't feel like you should wait for a signal to help. If you really think you can help, just go for it because he might not ask for help when he really needs it. I hope everything turns out okay.
Hi! Glad it helped and that are you are looking forward to meeting some new people. It's great that you have offered your friend support and have let him know that you will listen to him if he wants/needs to talk. Hopefully he can turn his mood around and see the good things in his life. Try to talk with him and send him a text/e-mail to make sure he is okay. Hope things will turn out to be alright!
Thanks for the replies, guys. He seemed to have an all right day today -- he behaved like himself We're going to tour Utah State University this weekend, which should be pretty fun. I've been talking to him over Facebook tonight just about typical high school stuff. Things are working out pretty well. Thanks bunches. <3
the good news about college is just about everyone is in the same boat. First time away from home, not knowing many people. This is great neutral ground to meet new people. I felt that same way when I was in college, so you're not alone there.
