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Control Problems

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by zzzero, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. zzzero

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm starting to recognize that I have control problems. I always feel the need to be in control of everything all the time. I feel bad because i'll throw a party or something and set specific rules but then i get PISSED if they're broken. My room mate is not the greatest person ever, and he's not very good to women. Once he told me he does kindof view women as objects. So naturally I told him my friends are off limits to him and I didnt want him to hook up with them. But he's an asshole and he DID hook up with one of my friends and probably had sex with her and it makes me SO MAD. Not really because they had sex but because I asked him to do one simple thing and he cant keep it in his pants. When I found out they had been making out I got mad but I was able to look past it, I spoke with him about it and said, you can make out, whatever, it's fine, but do not have sex with her. Now I know both of them didnt see it as anything more than a one night hook up, but i wasnt in control of the situation and it made me really really mad. Does anyone have any tips on how I can be less controlling?

    My friends all told me to calm down. I mean at 20 I shouldnt care that much about who's hooking up with whom, but I'v known these girls for like 8 years of my life.... They're like sisters to me and I feel like I was just trying to be protective of them, as I have seen my room mate emotionally torture other women in the past. He'll sleep with someone and make it seem like it's more than a 1 night stand then never talk to them again. He'll make someone feel really great about having sex with him and pretend to be a good guy but then he'll just act like she's a bitch or something. Like, he's used that girl so he's done with her now. It just makes me so mad, the way he treats women.
     
  2. Jim1454

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    You probably should have been talking to your girl friends about your room mate - and not the other way around. If he's a slimeball, he's not likely going to listen. But if he's a slimeball, they might have appreciated the warning.

    After that, it's none of your business. So if you still can't seem to let it go, then yes, you have control issues.

    To some extent we all do. Accept the things you can not change and change the things you can. Accept things as they are. Accept that you're not in control of everything around you. Make the best of your situation and 'go with the flow'. Not sure what else to recommend. If this is truly severe, then perhaps couselling would be helpful.

    Good luck.
     
  3. zzzero

    Regular Member

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    It's not super severe but sometimes I think I need a therapist because anyone who knows me knows when i'm comfortable with the situation i'm in, i will talk for AGES.

    Really, it comes out when i'v been drinking... I get very protective. I have told my friends a lot about my room mate and that he's a slimeball when it comes to these things. I was drunk and I wasnt thinking about the fact that they can still choose to be with him. So in my mind it was like he was the one forcing it on her and it made me mad. In reality, they went into his room, and she immediately jumped on his bed. So I cant blame him I guess. Though I am a little ticked off that he'd go against my wishes like that, because i'v told him many times not to. But I suppose sometimes it's not my place to interfere. I think that particular controlling thing I do stems from being gay actually. Being able to control everything around you makes it a lot easier to hide who you are. I'm not out to my roommates, though I know they've known for a while. Naturally I try to have fun at parties and avoid seeing people hook up and avoid that whole situation all together because I dont want to be expected to hook up with a girl because it's just not happening.
     
  4. tylerzane69

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    i used to feel the same way until it ruined one of the best things i ever had/will have... now im letting go and trying to have fun... just realize that it could affect your friends and your family and the ones you love!