You know, I have realised I am gay, and I understand that it is not something I can change so I am just tryin to roll with it. I told many friends guys and girls, who were all ttly fine, only had one negative experience so far, and for me its not even an issue. but basicaly I just don't know if I will ever be okay with being gay, sorry if anyone is offended, but i still do not feel comfortable with the whole thing. What can I do? I just want to get passed this!
Just keep doing what you're doing. The more people know that you're gay the more comfortable you'll be. You'll grow into it. I dont know how old you are, but it took me till I was 19 to be okay with being gay. Just give it time and be open to new things. Ask yourself questions. Why is being gay a bad thing? What makes being straight better? You'll get used to it sooner or later, just gotta be open to new things
Hi there, and welcome to EC! You have come to the right place! You have already overcome two major things: you have accepted yourself and you have started the coming out process. This is huge! Congratulations on your coming journey thus far. Your coming out journey and finding acceptance among friends is a big part in becoming comfortable with being gay. Often times, we have accepted ourselves and have started coming out but internal homophobia prevents us from being truly comfortable with it. But over time, your internal homophobia that has built up (likely) over some time will disappear as you continue to come out and become comfortable with the 'new surroundings'. To become more comfortable with everything, maybe try joining a support group. You don't mention your age or as to whether you are still in school, but if you are still in school or at college, maybe try finding a LGBT support group at your school. You could also try looking up a few things online to see if there is a LGBT support group in your community. If you live in the U.S. or in Canada, maybe try finding the nearest PFLAG chapter. Often times, talking to others who have gone through similar experiences can really help in making you even more comfortable and overcoming the last few hurdles. The advantage of joining support groups is that you will also have the opportunities to get to know new people, and perhaps also make a few new friends, which could and most likely will also help you in becoming more comfortable with the whole thing. To become more comfortable with everything, I attended social events of a local LGBT group on a regular basis, and met others at local coffee shops, where I actually talked about coming out and about what it means to be gay. Not easy to do, so soon after having started the coming out process and especially with a bunch of older men sitting at the other table. But having done that allowed me to see things differently and it did give me a confidence boost so to speak about being gay and what the future has in store. Maybe you could give it a try and see if this would be a possibility for you as well. If there are LGBT community social events in your community or nearby maybe try joining them for an evening or afternoon, and see how it goes. Also, hang around here on EC. Talk with some of the members and read through some of the stories. I am sure it will also help you a bit. Welcome aboard!
Yes, it just takes time. I found that hanging out here in EmptyClosets helped a lot! Here were a great bunch of people who could totally relate to what I was going through, and who were really friendly and supporting, and who had very diverse lives and experiences. And they were all GAY! (or bi.) And I came to slowly realize that being gay isn't all that big a deal, and it really isn't going to stop me from having a whole host of life experiences unless I let it. For me personally, denial and a lack of acceptance drove me to addiction. So in recovery I've learned that I have to accept the things I can not change and find the courage to change the things I can. Being gay isn't something I can change, so I needed to accept it - completely. So do you, and I'm sure you will, again, in time. What specifically bothers you about the situation?
Yeh it is scary at first when you have that realisation that you are. As you come out to more and more it starts feeling more 'right' if you see what I mean. Being gay is OK. Don't listen to people who say its not. You are you. Simple as. Carry on what you are doing and you will be fine. plus you have all of us on here.
This isn't the first time I have joined EC, I have already twice colsed down my account and all othe gay related things when I feel particularly bad about this "situation" Why do I think being gay is bad? It is not really that I think it is "bad", but like many I look at the "scene" and I see so many thing that bother me about "gay culture" and I think we all know what I am refering to. And it will be because in real life, I know next to know gay people, and those that I do know don't know I am so I never get to meet any less "extreme" members of the community. Also, I dont want the judgement that I know will be bestowed upon by being completely out, I dont want people to think they know what I am like as a person, because they know what I want in a partner. Furthermore, aside from this whole gay issue, my life is awesome, like I said I have really good friends, I have a good social life, Uni is great ( I am 20 and in my 3rd year btw). And I feel that if i start to explore this other side, that I might lose touch with what I have just now. I am also quite paranoid about keeping it away from those that I know from Church, purely because I dont know how they would react, I go to church on the uni campus and there are a few african memebers of the congregation, who I would say are a bit more conservative. But tbh I did speak about this with the priest ( I am Catholic) and even he was understanding! told that if I am going to do something just make sure I act responsibly! I guess I could join and lgbt group at uni, but I dont want it to conflict with others there I havent told, plus ( again no offense) I dont understand the whole "pride" thing, and I dont see why I should ostrasize my straight friends! Definately more than anything else, I just do not want to be seen a that "gay" guy, you know. I hate the idea that someone is judging me, I think it is because I am really bad for judging others, maybe I am not giving other enough credit because I am so horrible...
It takes time, that's for sure. But it also helps if you know other gay people, as well. As you get used to interacting with other gays (who are totally fine with their sexuality), you'll come to realize that yours is no big deal either. >>>I dont understand the whole "pride" thing That's a common sticking point. I mean, why be "proud" of your sexuality when you didn't do anything to get it? Well, the key point here is that pride is the opposite of shame. No, I'm not proud of my sexuality the same way I'm proud of my accomplishments. But I sure as hell am not ashamed of it. And that's where the pride thing comes into play. I refuse to be ashamed of being gay. I refuse to lie about it, to avoid the subject, to pretend I'm straight in order to "not cause waves". No, I won't get into people's faces about it, but I'm going to be ME, damnit. Lex
I love myself, since I am God's gift to this planet. Even if I am gay. I love myself way too much right now, oozing with vaniity (and that's with two i's, search her up she's hot!).
I am 23 and I just recently over the past few months came to accept that I am gay. I think the key is to just take time to try and come to terms with who you are. I have started telling many of my friends and the fact that I am ok with who I am and I can be me just feels liberating. Just give it time, and who will learn to accept who you are.
Well, first of all, I do sympathise with getting sudden bouts of wanting to delete all evidence of gayness. I went through the same thing repeatedly, even after I came out. During the first few weeks of posting here, my cursor hovered above the self-delete button on several occasions. Thinking of being completely out can be pretty stressful. You're right in thinking that you're not giving other people enough credit. That doesn't make you a horrible person, though, not by a longshot. Everyone here knows what it is to fear being judged on sexuality. But look at it from the other side: you said that all the people you told (except one) have been supportive. Desn't that indicate that people in general are more accepting than you give them credit for? There's even gay people that you haven't told yet. You could be pretty sure that they're going to be supportive, methinks. Why not tell them and talk to them about their experiences? And looking from yet another side, you're not giving yourself enough credit either. People are always going to hold some preconceived notions. If you're not "the gay guy", you're "the party animal", or "the nerd" or "the quiet guy", or any other stereotype. You just need to have faith that you're really awesome enough to make people willing to know you, no matter what they initially heard about you! Yes, the people at church might need some time to come around to the idea at first, but again, look at the bright side! You already have an ally in the priest. You can point people to him if they use their faith as an argument. You're not alone in this. I also believe that "ostracising other friends" really is a strong word. Joinig a glbt group or getting to know some more glbt people is really not much different from joining a sports club. I don't invite my friends from college to my judo club, and I don't invite my judo clubmates to hang out with in the weekends, but would you call that ostracising? They're just two groups of friends that I hang out with in different ways, but everyone has that. Unless you spend your time 24/7 with your straight friends, hanging out with glbt people doesn't need to mean losing touch with your old friends at all. Gay pride really isn't about thinking that they're so superior for being gay. As Lex said, it's more about saying "well, I'm gay, and I'm not going to make excuses about it, and not going to pretend to be straight just to be a more perfect piece of scenery in other people's lives!" Above all, becoming OK with being gay is something that does take time, and more for some than for others. Every time I think "I'm as OK with it as I'll ever be", I eventually discover ways of being more OK, so it's also a process that keeps going on. Talking about it helps a lot, though. So don't hesitate to keep posting here, or if you don't feel like posting everything on the forum, then don't hesitate to send myself or any other staff a PM. We're here to talk to!
