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I Just Hate Myself, And My Life

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ANightDude, Jan 14, 2010.

  1. ANightDude

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    I'm so sorry guys, but it's just getting to be so much to handle.

    I don't mean to give you all this, but I don't know who else to get it out to. I've been struggling with depression for months now, and I just don't know what to do.

    I look at myself in the mirror and I think of all things things I've screwed up and all the been who've screwed me over. I have friends that I am starting to think are caring less and less about me because of mistakes I made that I would take back in a heartbeat. It was nothing bad, just some things... and I look in the mirror and I'm just unhappy with who I am. I don't know how I'm gonna see past this at all and how I'm even gonna get past it.

    I'm sitting here, typing this, and let's just say I have an object I could use to harm myself right next to me. I'm so tempted but so scared at the same time. And even if I end up killing myself, I just can't see through my head who's gonna care. I know peope will, but for some reason I can't see it. I'm so scared, and I know I have so much to live for, which has been keeping me here. I've never been like this before.

    Guys, please, help me. Give me some advice. I don't know what to do, I'm so scared.
     
  2. crazydude

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    I'm sorry you are feeling this way and you do not need to apologize for posting, that is what we are hear for.

    I am a bit confused though what is really bothering you? Its sounds like its the things you have messed up on? You may need to give some more details in order for people to give you advice.... All I can say is don't give up and talk to people about what is going on, don't hold it in to yourself. If you have a really good friend or family member you feel comfortable talking to you should let them know how you feel.
     
  3. diegon3

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    Just think what can you do to feel better right now??? and what one mistake isn't going to ruin you i've made tons and all at once if i could make it you probably could too
     
  4. Sicsemper79

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    The first step is to not be sitting alone anymore tonight. I am not kidding about this. Call a friends or go sit with your parents. If you can't find someone to be with physically call a hotline and talk to someone right away.

    If you really think you are going to hurt yourself, stand up from your computer right this very minute and go to the phone and call a suicide hotline. I would go into all the reasons everything is going to be fine, but that only takes place after you are stable.

    Do it right now.
     
  5. Maddy

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    Agreed with Sicsemper. Right now, right at this moment, get yourself into another person's company. If there's nobody at home, and nobody you can go to, pick up the phone and call the Trevor Project (866-488-7386).
     
  6. Mickey

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    And I would suggest you get counceling. Some people get depressed due to circumstances,others have what's called clinical depression.(I fall under this category).
    Whichever you fall under,you can get help. Feeling suicidal is one of the worst feelings.
    Please,find a phone book and find someone you can talk to. There is help for you.
     
  7. Zumbro

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    A nice little saying for you about self-harm. "Cutting only brings pain and more blood, but the issues stay." And I know from experience this is completely true. Certainly don't kill yourself, no matter how it may seem. I just recently made a list of everything that would be worse in the world had I died last year, and it involved up to 3 other people being dead because I was not alive. Your life will do much more than you can possibly imagine. Just find help for yourself. I know happiness seems like something that's impossible to achieve, but you can get to it if you try. Don't give up so easily though.

    Don't regret your mistakes either. Take them as life lessons, and given the chance you'll be able to do it differently next time.

    As for now, go be around people. It will distract you at the very least, if not make you feel better.
     
  8. Sylver

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    If you end it all, I'll care, I promise you. And the whole gay community will care, because you're one of us. Take the mods advice and call someone who can help you right now. There is a way through this.
     
  9. Glunn11

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    Hi ANightDude. :slight_smile:
    I definitely agree with what others have said. The faster you get help, the sooner you will feel at peace again. I went through a long period of depression and did not feel any stability within myself until I talked to the school counselor about how I was feeling -- he was the first contact I had seriously about my problem. However, simply calling a hotline would be just as great for your well-being. They will not judge you, but simply help you, listen to you.

    I don't know what your life story is that is making you feel this way, or if there is even a reason for why you are feeling like harming yourself. Please do not. Simply by being a member of this nurturing community, you give me a reason to care about you. Self-harm does not make your problems go away, but talking to someone will. Please keep updating on here to let us know how you are feeling, but definitely call the Trevor Project or talk to your parents.
     
  10. JB1986

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    PLease don't kill yourself. Whatever problem you're having, or no matter how you feel, it is not worth it to kill yourself. Please call the Trevor helpline, or talk to somebody ASAP. No matter how badly you feel about whatever is going on in your life, it's not hopeless. You are a person, and you have worth. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sendingyou a few (*hug*)(*hug*)'s.
     
  11. Étoile

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    (*hug*) Please get help now.
     
  12. xxDavidxx

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    :frowning2: i'm sorry, try not to let lifes pressures get to you.
     
  13. Kevin42

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    Obviously, this is something that you should get a real opinion on from a doctor. Besides that though, I suggest focusing more on helping others. By this I mean find some volunteer work to do, perhaps helping serve the poor in your community, or spending time with the elderly. You would be amazed at how many poor (and by this I don't mean struggling to pay rent, but truly living in poverty) people there are in every community. It's terribly sad, but there is nothing more wonderful than working with an organization who will help them.
     
  14. paint

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    Please keep us updated, and stay with us.
    EC needs their biggest Titanic fan, right?
    Strength, hope and love.
    (*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  15. joeyconnick

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    Hey ANightDude,

    I don't know anything about you other than you like Titanic but hey, that's enough, cuz it's phenomenal.

    I don't know how you feel overall because I just really lucked out and have never had to face suicidal thoughts, even at my lowest points. But I do know what it's like to feel the weight of all your own failures. Sometimes the hardest thing we can do is face ourselves in the mirror.

    But you're 15, and I think at 15, you can plead inexperience. I don't think at 15 anyone expects you to have it all figured out. Me and a lot of my friends don't have it all figured out yet, which I guess you could take as depressing but I kinda take as pretty heartening. I think generally as human beings we're just constantly making mistakes, and the trick is to avoid making the same ones over and over. And even if we can't always achieve that, we make the attempt. We try. No one really makes us--because let's face it, there are a million different ways in which we can stop trying and die. But there are a million different ways in which we can live, and keep trying. And maybe we keep failing a lot of the time, maybe we never get it quite right--but the alternative? Not too many options in death. No real room. And most importantly, no chances to fix things, or do things better the next time around. And you never really know when your life is going to take an unexpected turn.

    Sometimes it's for the worse, sure. But sometimes, just sometimes, something amazing happens. And I think it would be sad beyond words if you missed out on all the crazy things that can happen in life.

    Everyone here has given great advice: let someone know (other than us) how you're feeling. I think the only way any of us survive this rough ride called life is because we have other people along with us. Let some of your feelings out. Let someone hold you. Let someone love you. Better yet, love yourself. Forgive yourself.

    More than anything, stay with us.
     
  16. iLambedil

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    Suicide is never the answer and I'm glad to see that your last activity was a few hours after this post and I hope to see more activity from you soon. I'm adding you as a friend so that I can make sure of this.

    You are precious dude. Every human life is precious. It was created for a reason and it is not something you can throw away lightly! Suicide is also very selfish. It is a very selfish act and by taking your life, you would only be hurting your friends you said you have hurt in the past. Even though they may be a little distant from you or not showing you how much they care, believe me, I'm sure they care more than you know and losing you would be quite devastating.

    Like others have said, you are 15. At 15 we know a ton of stuff! What we don't know at 15 are the things that life has in store for us. I'm only 21 and I have my whole life ahead of me! You have yours in front of you! Don't let this period of time get you too down enough that you aren't going to be able to experience the great stuff in store for you in the coming future!

    I don't know it is in your area, but I grew up in a small town and I wanted to get out! I wanted to get out so badly that I skipped my junior year of high school and went to Norway as an exchange student for the year! I lost contact with all of my high school friends except a select few. When I came back I basically had to reconnect with those I had lost contact with or make new friends fro my senior year. After that I moved to California and my high school life was totally forgotten (except a few things like a b/f that I had etc.) I realized that all the stress and emotions I went through in high school totally helped build me to be the person I am today, but that they totally didn't matter and that there were bigger better experiences out there!

    Do something big! Change your routine! Go become an exchange student for a year! Meet brand new people and start over and live who you are from the beginning! The bad thing about high school is that the majority of the people have known you your whole life and cannot picture you as anyone different so it is hard to be like "this is who I am!" You have to decide who you are and just go with it!

    Just like my signature says "I am who I am and if I am who I am, who am I?" That is something you can decide little man! You are beautiful and loved by a ton of people. The depression will pass, life always looks up! If you ever want to talk, get at me! If you wanna know about becoming an exchange student, let me know!
     
  17. Sylver

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    I hope you know that you can get help for depression. Much of the time it's a medical problem rather than "your fault", and there are medications and treatments that can make a big difference. My sister suffered from serious depression for years, but she got medical help and now she's leading a happy and fulfilling life. Once you've got past this dark point (and we're all cheering for you), get to a doctor as soon as possible and ask him for help with your depression. There is no reason you should have to suffer any more.
     
  18. Austin

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    When you look in the mirror, think about all the good things you've accomplished in your life, not the mistakes you've made. As a human you're going to make mistakes. So what can you do about it? Nothing to change it. But you can make it right. Do something to fix what you've done. If you've been mean to someone, go do something nice for them - and learn not to do it again. You can't change past things, so stop regretting them, and just learn from your mistakes.

    Try to just look forward and try to live the best you can. Don't dwell on the past.

    Also, as you said you have a lot to live for. Whatever that is should be enough to keep you from killing yourself. :slight_smile:
     
  19. ANightDude

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    Well, a little update I suppose. Last night, right after I posted this topic, I went onto myspace and posted a bulletin about how I thought nobody cared and how I felt alone, and that I really hated my life. A very, very close friend of mine posted a bulletin of how I should "be grateful I have friends and family who give a shit" and how I should "Get the fuck over it", and claimed I was doing it for attention and compliments.

    That nearly pushed me over the edge last night. Last night was the worst night I've experinced with this and the "suicidal thoughts", and I did some things I'm not proud of...
     
  20. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    we all do things we aint terribly proud of, i have also done things i aint pleased about. however we live and learn by these mistakes. you are still young and learning. people need to remember this if you make a mistake. i suggest talking to someone about how you are feeling. not one of the friends that say you are attention seeking. i also dont think suicideis a way out unless your too scared to tackle things. somehow i dont think you are. and if it makes you feel better i and many others on here would miss having you in this world even tho i dont know you. hopefully things will maybe start looking up for you soon.