My best friend just told me that if I tell his secret, then he'll tell mine. The only way I would tell his, is if it were to protect someone. I don't wanna say his secret but it could put someone I really care about in danger. I can't fucking believe that he's saying that he would tell everyone though. I thought I could trust him... And I can't get away from him. He's sorta like a step brother. He lives with me. There's no way out.
Say what we are talking about here. Can't tell you what to do if I don't know what the deal is. You can keep it general.
Basically he's gonna out me if I tell his secret. I don't wanna tell his secret but if I don't, then someone could get hurt. I don't like telling others secrets but if someones gonna get hurt, then it's almost necessary. How do I handle this?
It's hard to explain but someone could really get messed up psychologically. And I really care about this person.
Well you need to weigh the two scenarios (i know, duh). If I understand the situation correctly, you don't really have anything to do with this secret. You just happen to be read in on the situation. If you confide in your friend who can be hurt by this secret, you need to make sure that he acts in a way that does not implicate you. Or you can be true to your word and keep your stepbrothers confidence. Without knowing what kind of betrayal or pain this issue can cause, I cant do better than that. If its about a girl or a guy... trust me, just let it go. Also, you are out to this person. You obviously trust him. Have you raised your concerns? Have you told him your moral problem with this? I mean outing a friend is a pretty serious thing. Do you really think he will do this?
He knows who could get hurt but doesn't believe that they will get hurt. I'm not gonna lie, it's a pretty big secret but I just don't want this person to get hurt. I told him how messed up it is but idk. He doesn't see it. He's thinks it's fair. I think he could do it if he was mad enough.
I am not going to tell you what you should do. If I were you though and I thought that this person was going to be seriously damaged for life or something, I would probably just let the secret out and suffer through being outed. Then again, I think I would be able to handle being outed to everyone in the world. Maybe you aren't there yet, maybe that would too harmful to you. Tough call without you being more specific.
Weigh the pros and cons. If the pros are higher (by telling his secret) and saving someone, then do what you have to do. Him outing you to everyone doesn't mean anything necessarily... If you aren't ready you could totally deny it. I don't recommend it but you could just shrug it off, laugh and walk away from confirming your orientation.
The situation you are describing sucks. You're basically put in the position of choosing between protecting yourself and protecting the other person (who would potentially be harmed.) As much as it would suck to be outed, there's no real downside to it for you from what I understand. You've already come out to your mom, and most everyone else will likely either not care or be understanding. When you consider the alternative, in terms of the potential harm to the other person that would be affected if you *don't* reveal the situation, it's pretty clear what the right answer is. The effect on you of coming out will be short lived, and the end result of your being outed will be positive. The potential effect on the other person will not be short lived, and will definitely not be positive. I know it's really tough, but you need to share the information you have.
Even if you can't post it on here, even just message one of us and tell us what it is....and hopefully we can help you.
Thanks everyone. I think I've figured out a way to make sure I won't get outed and the person won't be harmed. I'm pretty sure it will work out. But the thing that really freaks me out is the fact that my friend doesn't regret putting me in that situation. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. But at the same time he's really messed up and needs a friend. I'm not sure if I should stay his friend. The logical thing would be just to stop being friends but it's not that easy when it's real. We're pretty close.
I agree with Chip, above. The best way of not being blackmailed is to not have damning secrets to be used against you. Once the other person knows that blackmail is working, they're also going to do it again and again and again as long as you let them get away with it. You may dodge this bullet, but the secret is still there to be (ab)used And there is no reason why being gay should be a damning secret in the first place. Coming out is tough, yeah, and it might give a few weird looks at first, but in the end, the vast majority of people end up pretty accepting. Being out also leads to a happier, less paranoid, life. If possible, you could do a "preemptive strike" and come out to some people first. That way you keep the initiative and keep control of the circumstances. Coming out yourself also makes it seem less like a secret that you don't want others to know. It's tough to spill secrets, but it's hard being friends when you're continuously afraid blackmail might happen. So getting this out in the open would help in restoring an even footing, instead of a cycle of threats.
I agree with Chip and Filip! Knowing that you are out to your mom and she hasn't kicked you out on your ass, you have nothing to lose by protecting the other person and letting yourself get "outed". It is a very malicious thing, your step-brother is doing. As long as you have your guardians behind you after coming out you really don't need anything else at that precise moment except a good friend or too, which almost everyone who comes out will have friends who still love them very much and there also might be some friends who will not want to continue being friends. You aren't losing much if they don't want to be your friend anymore b/c you are gay. They weren't true friends to begin with! You may want to think about how telling the secret might affect your step-brother. He obviously doesn't want you to tell the secret for a reason. You don't want to be malicious and tell his secret just because he has threatened you. Also, maybe you could just tell his secret to those parties invested in it and not to those who will not benefit or suffer from knowing it. It's a tough decision and I'm sorry you have to go through this. Like Filip said, it will be a constant cycle and it's better to end things now! Believe me, you will be happier after coming out to everyone!
