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Not sure where to go from here..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RaeofLite, Jan 17, 2010.

  1. RaeofLite

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    I met this girl through a close female friend's boyfriend. We all spent time together playing board games this New Years/New Years Eve.

    At the end of the night we cuddled and made out before falling asleep. In the past few weeks we've been hanging out every week as a group (me, her, friend, friend's boyfriend) and having fun.

    Two weeks ago she asked me how I knew I was a lesbian. I explained that something inside me always felt "different" than other people seemed to feel, and that I had strong girl crushes on friends, teachers etc in the past and that I always felt a void in relationships with men (even though I dated some really decent guys).

    She's been texting me lately saying 'I like you' etc. But I felt myself hold back. I know why... And I've talked to her about it a bit. I've been the first girl she was actually "with" and while that doesn't scare me, the future does. She's not really questioned her sexuality until now. And that means if we were to get into a relationship she would be 'tecnically "in the closet". That scares me, meaning she might possibly have to come out, lie to her family, and all those horrible things. (At least I hated lying to my family and friends when I was closeted. I felt like crap all the time.) I really like her though and it kills me.

    Not only that, but I'm going to be graduating from my college around May of this year. I'll be applying for jobs related to my field before then so I may have to move wherever the best job opportunity is... :frowning2:

    So I'm not sure where I should go from here. Any advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. Lexington

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    To tackle the second part first, I'm never for telling people to hold off on a possible relationship due to upcoming moves. Unless you know you're going to be so busy that you won't have TIME for a relationship, I'd say that's a non-factor.

    As for the rest of it, there's a big gap in your post. To wit, how does SHE feel? Does she want a relationship with you? It looks possible. If so, why not approach her with the idea, to see if she's interested? And if so, share your concerns with her. That you're worried about deceit and what she might end up going through. I wouldn't pull any ultimatums on her ("I'm not dating anyone in the closet"), but get a conversation going. A lot of problems and worries can dissipate if we tackle them head-on.

    Lex
     
  3. RaeofLite

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    Well, she said she would like a relationship and to start dating regularly and she said she enjoys our time together a lot.
     
  4. Mickey

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    I agree with Lex. It would be a good idea if just the 2 of you got together and had a
    talk about the situation. Communication is key in any type of relationship,whether you stay friends or go forward on a personal level.
    Just be honest how you feel and see where it goes from there.
    I wish you the best.
     
  5. Jim1454

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    We all have to start somewhere, don't we?

    Are you suggesting that she has to come out first before you'd be willing to date her?

    If you enjoy each other's company, I'd say figure out how to give it a shot. Honesty in a relationship is the best ingredient. So start off on that foot. I did, and it really works.
     
  6. Sylver

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    I'm wagering that you can't control or predict the future. Sometimes the best things that happen in life are those that we were unable to foresee.

    Why not give it a try? I believe that answering the door when opportunity knocks opens you up to directions you may never have ever imagined. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. Maybe you'll be the inspiration for her to come out, maybe not. But you'll never know if you don't go with it. I'd say to be honest with her up front about your concerns, but if she's still game, see where it leads!
     
  7. Lexington

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    Then I'd say give it a go. Do talk about your concerns for the future, so she's going into this fully informed, but then start enjoying your time together. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  8. Sicsemper79

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    Life is too short to over think everything. Us homos always have a million excuses not to pursue a relationship with someone who we like. So what if she isn't out or is new to the whole lesbian thing. If you two enjoy spending time together... then spend time together. Be honest with each other and have fun!
     
  9. i need help

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    i agree with some thing said...you never know if you dont try...
    i have missed a many of opportunities in life in general...and i always think...what if...
    i say if you think even with 1% of your mind or heart thinks it could go any where and you like her, try it or you may miss your chance...best of luck...