1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Advice?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by bvtsjm116, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. bvtsjm116

    bvtsjm116 Guest

    I hope I put this in the right spot... I'm new here and I hope this is an ok post.

    Well I am 15, ignore the age it says here xD I don't like giving out too much personal info :bang::eek: Anyways, I need advice. (prepare for a long post...)

    I am not sure whether I am gay or not gay, I am attracted to both it seems =/ Mainly guys though, but people my own age... Anyways, I think I have a crush on this kid across the street, hes mainly my little brothers friend but hes like... my age... hes 14 and I am 15 and out birthdays are close so like exactly 1 year difference. Is he too young to be hanging out with? :tears: I don't really understand my feelings. I just want him to be like a true friend and my best friend even though I only know him a little. He seems nice, and I don't like going outside but my brother does so I don't see him that much, unless they come inside, but I've played video games with them, but never with him alone. my brother is gonna be gone for like 2 weeks so now might be a good time to have him over? I'm really, really shy, especially around people I like :icon_redf I've been obsessed with him it seems. Its gotten me depressed sort of cause I can't get to know him? How is a good way to get to know him? Keep in mind I am shy... Also I don't think I look too good, but I guess that shouldn't matter really? :eusa_doh: I'm not really sexually attracted to him but I'd like to kiss and cuddle with him but nothing more, but I don't think/know if he is gay or not but I just want to become good friends with him. Maybe cause I am always lonely and bored. I think we have a lot in common.

    But I don't know how to 'break the ice' like, once I get to know someone alone a couple of times I am less shy and don't feel so awkward. But I feel awkward being alone with him or inviting him over... I know I'll be shy and act like a dork. :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang:

    So, I need advice and support on how to get to know him? Keep in mind all the things I said in my post =/ I'd probably only invite him indoors, but how should I do it? Call him? our neiborhood has a phone number listings. or should I go to his door, I think calling would be easy. My mom knows a little about it, but she doesn't know I am gay or obsessed with him and she said she'd call but thats pretty embarrassing :icon_redf

    I know when I know someone better I am way less shy and can actually talk to them.

    I am not shy with immediate family, close friends (don't really have any anymore since I am starting high school), or people I really do not care what they think about me... =/

    So I need to get to know him, but its hard. So what are some things I can do? I don't do that much so I don't have anything really to talk about and I find myself sort of weird. I had a good friend last year, so I must not be that weird...

    So, advice/Goodlucks/support? Wow, thanks to all the people who actually read it. Sorry if I repeated a bunch of stuff, this was hard to write to random people.... :bang: :eusa_doh: but thanks for the help :slight_smile: Its appreciated. :tears: Am I normal for this?

    Also, P.S. (sorry for more...) Plus his mom is sick with Crohn's Disease, so, he has to watch his sister a lot who is like 6-8? Don't know, but that might be why he is outside more, which makes it hard. Plus he can only play video games for like 1 hour? Geeze... his mom... :tantrum: :eusa_doh: :***: :icon_sad: :icon_sad:
     
  2. hideinyourshel

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    This is the easiest to answer - YES! I felt exactly like you did for ages, especially for someone I'd spoken like 5 words to :icon_redf ! Don't worry about it. Most of the gay people I know have had crushes on people, often people they don't know. It's really difficult :tears: !!

    The most difficult thing is breaking the ice, as you put it. Don't worry about what you look like or about saying something embarrassing (these were the mistakes I made) Just try to be normal. If he doesn't like who you are normally, then he's not the right person for you. Also, think of someone you have known for a while (like a year.) Now think: the first time you spoke to him, did he say anything embarrassing. I'd bet you can't remember, so neither would this guy. What you might think is embarrassing, most people wouldn't notice. So just try to be natural and don't worry!
    It is probably best to do something with him, especially if you are nervous. For example, I invited one of my crushes to play tennis with me at the local courts (guess what... I couldn't keep my eye on the ball!:lol: ) If he is active, then maybe you could try something outside (I know this seems like an unhelpful comment, but it might be easier for you, especially if he's doing something with your brother, to meet him.)
    Maybe you could offer to take his sister out somewhere with him. Or your mum could offer and you could act like you've been persuaded to do it! :lol: I'd avoid trying to play video games with him if he's quite active.
    The other thing you could do if you're nervous is to think of some relevant conversation topics so if you're stuck for what to speak about you have something up your sleeve!

    One other caution: don't get too obsessed with him or you'll end up getting hurt. (I do know how tricky that is!:icon_sad: )

    I've got to go now, but good luck :icon_bigg and feel free to Private Message me at any time (I mean that - I'm not very helpful :icon_wink but I'm always willing to chat or lend any advice I can)

    A

    P.S. oh... and have a hug: (*hug*)
     
  3. hideinyourshel

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    and of course, welcome to EC! What should we call you? (I don't think I can get my tongue around bvtsjm116!)

    speak to you soon,
    A
     
  4. bvtsjm116

    bvtsjm116 Guest

    I don't think he is that active. He isn't usually the one to get my brother outside. I think he'd rather play inside cause hes usually inside, and he doesn't play any sports that I know of.... of course I wouldn't know too much... heh, but I believe he is in boy scouts, but I don't really like to do anything active cause I get hot easy, I get tired easy, and I sweat easy, but I'm not overweight... not that much anyways, if I am a bit, not noticeable :icon_wink I think he HAS to go outside cause his sister, I'm not sure though, I don't know much, but my mom said his mom said he likes to play inside... I DUNNO :frowning2: but he also has a deformed hand, which might be why he doesn't play sports (I tried to find a good way to say this :bang: ) but, yea, maybe he is active but can't be, I dunno :icon_redf (of course I like him anyways (*hug*))

    And, damn, I can't remember how I made friends before :icon_redf which is bothering, to be honest I think it was video games, which is sad, but oh well. One of my old friends my mom forced to go home with a couple of days, but it worked out cause I became sort of good friends, but I was a goodytwoshoes back then :frowning2: so... I dunno, but we didn't end up being really good friends, but we were more than aquantinces (SP?), but we didn't really hang out, he was ended up being like one of the most popular people, but I don't know why we didn't really end up friends... but my other friend I don't know how, I guess I just talked to him? I don't remember :tears: :bang: Its easier at school though, cause I don't need to have to worry about inviting them over and I know I'll see and get to talk to them sometimes. :eusa_doh:


    O.K. I admit I like to babble on and on... but I like talking about my problems and getting advice, it gives me a little bit of courage and the advice helps me think of how to do it :slight_smile:

    Thanks for reading it all ^^ (*hug*)
     
  5. bvtsjm116

    bvtsjm116 Guest

    You can call me Bvt, its what people call me in online games cause of my name, don't ask why I use it :icon_wink
     
  6. hideinyourshel

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    OK Bvt

    Quite a good point - I can't really remember how I became friends with people (or, in some cases, why I like them... I just do!)

    Yeah - that's the way to do it. Silence is good too (don't feel compelled to talk too much) If you talk to him, he will find out about the real you and, if he likes you, he will become closer. If he doesn't, then what have you lost? At least you've got some kind of certainty!

    I know how you feel and now I am in the beginnings of a relationship, I can look back a bit more rationally, and still don't really know what I would do. All I wish is that I did less thinking and more acting! :icon_wink I don't mean you should make advances on him, I would just recommend trying to become his friend so you can see what he is really like and if he feels the same way about you (don't try to 'convert' him if he doesn't!) I know that it is hard to do nothing and harder to do something, but at least things can change if you do something, and I don't think that will be for the worse.

    If you want to do something with him, you could try doing something inside, or you could, as I mentioned before, do something involving his sister or your bro. so you are more comfortable:slight_smile:
    It's up to you, really, as you know what you enjoy and more than me about what he enjoys.

    And don't worry about babbling! I must have written twice as much as you for my first post - it's quite theraputic!:icon_bigg

    Good luck, whether or not you do anything!

    A (*hug*)
     
  7. bvtsjm116

    bvtsjm116 Guest

    "Yeah - that's the way to do it. Silence is good too (don't feel compelled to talk too much) If you talk to him, he will find out about the real you and, if he likes you, he will become closer. If he doesn't, then what have you lost? At least you've got some kind of certainty!"

    (I don't know how to quote)

    But when there is silence it always seems so awkward unless we are doing something :frowning2: and, I guess when there is someone I like I am more shy cause I actually care what they think... even though I shouldn't like him if he doesn't like the real me... but, I think you understand what its like.

    I'll probably see if he can come over tomorrow... maybe... I take a long time to decide things :bang:

    But, I already don't know him too well so I mine as well take a chance, it can't get any worse really... I'll just take the chance... I'll live =) I've had a really scary plan ride yesterday, and I thought I was gonna die (sorta, I knew that we probably wouldn't...but I didn't think we were gonna land well if we did...).... heh, made me think a little bit =/...

    *kisses the ground* :kiss:

    Yea, I'll try to invite him over to play games, but its gonna be awkward... but then again it might not be in the end :confused:

    Edit: and, if you mean 'convert' him to gay, I just want an intimate friendly relationship with him... I dunno, I'd like to kiss him... :kiss: but I won't unless I know he is gay which I doubt...
     
  8. hideinyourshel

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    I do know what you mean and I know how difficult it is to believe that you should be natural - I wasn't natural around my crushes, I'm just looking back now and wishing I was!
    I now think I acted really stupidly precisely because I was trying not to act stupidly!

    Yeah - but if he doesn't feel awkward, then you shouldn't feel awkward and if he felt awkward because neither of you were saying anything, he'd say something! Also if you try to fill every silence, you'll end up babbling and running out of things to talk about. I've made that mistake. I walked her to the restaurant and by the time I got there, I'd run out of things to say! (this was back when I convinced I was straight and going through a phase.)

    Try acting impulsively for once (lol) - spice things up! :icon_wink :icon_bigg

    Whoa - calm down there! lol :lol:

    You can have that kiss back: :kiss: :icon_wink

    That's good - that's what I'd love from my crush, even now (although I'd be in trouble if I kissed him!)

    Oh... and finally: Good luck once again! I'll probably be on tomorrow evening, but I might have to leave it until the next day (I'm busy, unusually!) If you do see him, tell me how it goes.

    Enjoy yourself. (*hug*) (*hug*)

    btw: to quote, click the little speech bubble icon in the bar above the box in which you write your reply. Also, if you want to message anyone privately, you can click on their name in a thread and click 'Send a Private Message...'

    speak to you soon,
    A
     
  9. bvtsjm116

    bvtsjm116 Guest

    Well, yea, I'll see. I'm just nervous cause I am shy and act awkward or don't know what to say around people I don't know well, ESPECIALLY people I like :icon_redf

    I answered the door for him once and I was really nervous acting, hope he didn't notice. Can't imagine how I'd act asking him to come over... :tears: Oh well, I'll try.

    I've been attracted to boys my age since I was like... in 3rd grade :icon_redf I didn't know anything about sex or gay then...... heh...
     
  10. JSG

    JSG Guest

    Just be yourself when your around him, like if you were already close friends with him. Be natural.
     
  11. bvtsjm116

    bvtsjm116 Guest

    Yea, I am trying but its still hard. As much as I want to talk to him like I know him I can't seem to do it :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang:
     
  12. xequar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,684
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Detroit area, Michigan
    Have you considered asking your brother what this guy's story is? Or is your brother too young to be of any use in this quest of yours?

    Honestly, I know it's hard, but like everyone else said, the best thing to do is just talk to him.

    Good luck!
     
  13. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    bvt.....try to think of some questions you can ask him that would get the conversation going. Most people really love to talk about themselves. If you can do that, you will have no problem. I used to be really shy too so I know how you feel but nobody really ever taught me how to communicate with people.
     
  14. wtinal

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2007
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Although I have no great advice, I do understand the crush thing. I have a friend at work who I have a crush on (she is not available though, as she is married and has a kid), and every time I am around her I act like an idiot - or so I feel. I can't seem to talk to her like a normal human being. Recently, I have been trying to email her just friend type emails, instead of all business. I hope this can kind of break the ice of my crush. It is hard to like someone, but I suppose it can be worth it in the end!!!
     
  15. paul7836

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2007
    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    /dev/map/USA/WA/Seattle
    I can understand. I have been through the same type of thing. A crush on the guy next door or across the street. Its a hard thing to break the ice. You have to do it eventually. Just say hi or something. Sorta try and get to know him. as becky said, get him to talk about himself. And if he isint gay/bi, you can move on. I regret falling for a strait (bi?) guy that was already in a relationship. He caught on after a while. But he was really nice and didnt say anything because he "didnt want to jeopardize out friendship". So just be sure before you get too in to him. Just be friends for a while. Get to know him. Get to know if he might be interested. It causes a lot of pain for both people. so dont go onto him too fast. And dont always go with your instinct, At this age, there are soo many different things going on in the brain, that our thoughts are all messed up. So take it slow, but not too slow. If that makes sence.
     
  16. bvtsjm116

    bvtsjm116 Guest

    Yea, not sure if I want that kind of relationship though, I might just want a good friend, but I'd like to be more than friends but I don't mind just being friends :slight_smile: If you know what I mean... :icon_sad:
     
  17. paul7836

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2007
    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    /dev/map/USA/WA/Seattle
    I think thats what you have to figure out. Just be friends with him. Get to know him a bit, then you can see if you want anything more.
     
  18. bvtsjm116

    bvtsjm116 Guest

    I still don't know whether or not I am gay, I know I like boys but I sometimes like girls, maybe bi....
     
  19. bvtsjm116

    bvtsjm116 Guest

    Well I'm gonna call my mom and see if she'll call. I know its weird but its easier for me :bang: :dry:
     
  20. hideinyourshel

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    That's not weird - I only wish I'd had some kind of connection with my crushes!

    It seems that you've decided a plan of action, so I can't be much more help than in my previous posts - just go for it! And good luck! (*hug*)

    You'll be fine, and in the long run, it doesn't matter as much as it feels it matters!:icon_wink

    On to the next part of your posts:
    Everyone goes through this! It may be that you turn out to be gay, straight, or somewhere in between, like me!:icon_wink In fact, I'm only now just settling into what feels right and I'm still not certain. Don't worry about labelling yourself. It really doesn't matter what sexuality you are and you can't change it.


    Speak soon,
    Shell (*hug*)