lately, I've become really interested in this guy at my school. His name's Ben. He's a grade and a year younger than me. I'm 17 and he's 16. we only have one class together but we are both in student council so i get to talk to him everyday. we've become pretty good friends over the past two years. the more i get to know Ben, the more i suspect he's gay. I just get this feeling(which for now ill call my Gaydar). I don't know, im just really into him. it feels like hes into me too by the way we talk in class. I've talked with me bff J and shes thinks we'd be a really cute couple. he'd also be my first boyfriend, but neither of us can figure out if hes even interested in me that way. I swear im not making myself see what i want to see, his older brother asked J once if Ben was gay so im obviously not the only one who wonders... i don't want u guys to think im completely insane, its just hes one of the few people at my school i'd be able to connect with on the same level. out of the 500 some students going to my school id say about 6 guys r gay. Maybe My gaydar really is on the fritz.... Has any1 else had a similar experience? or any advice on what i should do??? thanks everyone!!!
Hi Xander, Might it help to ask him (or have J ask him) if he is interested in anyone at school? Not make it a girl or boy thing, but leave it for him to clue you in? You talk to him most days it seems so perhaps you could weave some more easy but personal questions in, like where does he like to hang out or what does he like to do on weekends? Maybe something he says will be more of a tip off? Would you like him to be your friend if not a boyfriend? Do you want to arrange to hang with him outside school and see how he reacts to that? Let us know how it goes..... Becky
your gaydar is probably correct, but your friend may not be out yet, maybe not even to himself. In which case, even if you were to ask him directly, he would probably tell you he's straight or whatever. I'd say take it slow and give it time and sort of let him lead and see where it takes you
Becky's advice is pretty spot on... in situations where you don't really know the person's sexuality and you either don't want to ask, feel you can't ask, feel you won't get a real answer, etc., about the only thing you can do is arrange to hang out with them one-on-one, find ways to let them know you're gay, and (eventually if it seems like it might be kosher) let them know you're interested in them. Please note the key term there is "eventually." Most people take some time to process someone coming out to them, so clumping that with "I'm gay AND I totally want you" doesn't usually go over that well because it can be a bit much to handle--especially if the other person is either a) not gay themselves or b) not comfortable with their gayness.
