Hi everyone! So here's the problem I'm having. Well two really. 1. I came out to my parents five years ago but had to jump back in the closet when my mother nearly kicked me out. Now my brothers and sisters say my Dad will be fine with it because of how laid-back he is, and before I came out he even said he thinks it's good that same-sex marriage had been legalized in Canada. But Mom, when my cousin's friend came out, Mom expressed her dislike about it. She also has said that she thinks we're bad because we A: can't hold a relationship, B: get too many diseases, C: we can't raise children properly, and two others I can't recall...but yeah I need to come out to them both before I start slipping into depression. Lately I haven't had one of my weird lows, but 2009 I had ones where I felt like really weird mentally and then it'd disappear. But I'm worried if I don't come out at some point, these will come back again... and 2. The other reason I think I need to come out is because well...I just got into a play and umm....I kinda play a gay character and I invited my parents to it. It's February 8-9....and while Dad will probably know it's just me playing a character anyway, my Mom will probably not like I'm a gay character and will also probably like read into it and be thinking "did the director cast you because he thinks you're gay". And you should know she will most likely think this. She's got a Masters degree, but when it comes to the gay thing it's like she's dumb as a coconut.... Anyway, please, I'd really appreciate some help as to what to do. I'm petrified about coming out to them in person so it's just like....WHAT CAN I DO?!
Although i think we should usually come out to our parents in person, you sound like you really dont want to. And i dont blame you. Honestly, i still think you should tell them in person. But if not, then i would say write each one a letter. The reason i say two different letters, is so that you can tell your father that youre concerned about how your mom will take it. Or maybe tell your father first and have him tell her. Dont worry too much though. Everything will end up ok in the end. (*hug*)
Maybe you use the play as your way of coming out. Tell them about the character that you're playing, and that it was a really great fit because you are in fact gay - just as you had told them years ago when they didn't want to hear about it. You're still gay, and now it's more imporant that you be happy than them - to put it bluntly. Your mom is misinformed - and that's her problem, not yours. You can do what you can to provide her with PFLAG stuff and good information to counter her preconceived notions - but in the end it will be her that has to come around on her own. I'd use the character as a way of introducing the topic. Whether it's in person or via an email message. And really, you're not coming out to them. You're just reminding them, right?
Thanks guys, I'd really like other peoples opinions too like maybe those with mothers who were like this.
From the way I read this, you already came out to your mom. I don't really buy the whole back in the closet thing. It sounds to me like she knows exactly who and what you are and simply doesn't want to accept it. My advice is to either have a talk with her and try again to make her understand, or simply allow it to be an unspoken issue between you. Some people just take time to accept things they don't want to hear. Tell her you are gay and happy that way and live your life... or don't tell her and live your life. It sounds like you Dad is going to be cool with it anyway. I would definitely talk to him if you want to. Enjoy your play and if your mom asks why you played a gay guy, just say you thought the part was a good one for you. She can't will you not to be a homo dude. Break a leg!
