Hey everyone, posted a few times before and just want to share all my thanks for all the help I've received here. This is a pretty awesome forum, with some great people. For those who didn't read my earlier posts I'm a 23-year-old guy who just came out a few months ago. I'm actually doing really well with being out (family and friends have been really accepting). Instead I'm mostly struggling more with how to 'be gay' after so many years of 'trying' to be straight. (As in finding relationships, meeting people, ect.) Wanted to share a recent story and see what people thought. I'm at university and came out at the end of last term. Dealing with coming out I didn't really act on it at all then. Over the break though I decided to 'get out there' when I got back. I've been back a week now and joined my university's LGBT society (they hold regular events for anyone gay, bi, lesbian or transgender) and just went to my first gay bar/club last night with some gay friends of mine. Got pretty drunk last night and admitted to one of my gay friends that I went along with that I had a crush on him. Luckily being my friend he wasn't upset, he just told me that he wasn't looking for a relationship right now and didn't want to damage our friendship by hooking up or doing anything we might regret. I told him I was sorry and he said that I had nothing to be sorry for and that he was pretty flattered and still really wanted to be friends. Things seem okay. We ran into each other today and it really wasn't awkward at all. I really don't have any experience with either gender. (Tried to like girls for years but never acted on it. Had one girlfriend briefly, but she actually approached me.) Guess what I'm curious about is, is this any way to find a boyfriend i.e. just telling people you like straight out that you've got a crush on them? Don't think I'm really the type to hookup with someone randomly so I guess I really don't know how I should go about meeting people. Maybe this could change, but the whole 'just let things happen' has never seemed to work for me. I'm really kind of afraid of doing anything I'd regret by making a move on someone. Also I really would be upset if someone tried something on me and I didn't like them, so I've thought others would feel the same about anything I might do. Always thought the "I really like you, let's go out" was better than the subtle kiss or anything else you see in movies. Am I just foolish to think that this is going to get me a boyfriend? Had my mom tell me this was pretty much the best way, but I've had people in the past (when I wasn't out) tell me I wasn't with anyone because I needed to just 'make a move' on someone I liked and see what happened. That the norm was pretty much a bunch of random hookups until you finally connected with one of them and decided to keep it up. Is this true? If it is or if it's not, what should I be doing? I know it takes time and I don't want to rush things by jumping into anything too soon, but I feel I need to be doing something instead of just waiting for things to happen. Thanks!
Hey there! Just wanted to comment and congratulate you for putting yourself out there. That's a pretty big step and especially after just coming out, takes alot of courage! I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, as I'm just coming out and don't quite know how to approach guys either. I think the best thing to do is to continue being yourself and put yourself in different situations and places that allow your best qualities to shine.
Most of the time I've either met people online or been hooked up by friends. It's dangerous out there if you try the wrong person. I've heard of terrible things happening. I'm not trying to freak you out, I'm just expressing my concern for anyone who simply tries to hit on random guys or something like that. I think that finding people through friends has always been my best bet. The only other way I've ever hooked up with anyone has been online. Well anyway, I hope this helps.
