Hey guys, so this is just me venting, although feel free to respond. So during the Holidays I came out to my immediate family and overall it went well, and I have felt much better now that they know (although my mom reacted kind of weird but that’s a whole other story). The problem now is I have 3 friends that I really want to know but keep chickening out. I’ll call the first friend Jill. I met Jill at the place I work about a year and a half ago. She has now become one of my best friends and we have a great time together. We can talk about almost anything and I feel really comfortable around her. I really would like to tell about my attraction to guys as I think it would bring us even closer and we would have a whole lot more to talk about ☺. The issue with this is we have bunch of mutual friends who I am not really ready to let know yet. Jill is quite the gossiper and has a big mouth. I’m worried she will have a hard time keeping this a secret from others and I don’t really want to put her in that position. I know that if she is a good friend she should respect my wishes but again I hate putting her in that place. Other than that I know she won’t have a problem with it as she is currently in a relationship with another women (she came out to me about 6 months ago). The other 2 fiends are a couple. Ill call them Jim and Sally. I’ve know them for a long time (probably about 10 years) We are pretty close although I feel lately I have been distancing myself further and further as I feel like they don’t know who I really am and am worried about them finding out. They always ask me if I have met any cute girls lately and I usually will say I have (as I do meet cute girls just usually not really into them) but that they are already in a relationship or that I’m just not interested in that way. I’m sure they suspect something as I’m 23 and haven’t had a girlfriend since like 16. So anyway I don’t think they hare homophobic or anything but since I have known them for so long they have a certain view of me and I feel like by coming out to them that is going to make things much different and somewhat awkward. In particular I think Jim will act a lot different cause he may be under the impression that I am into him which at one point I did really like him and I do still think he is really cute, but him and Sally are now married and I view them both as only friends and really have know romantic feelings for either one of them. So I know I just have to do it as I don’t really have anything to lose, but I keep freaking out about it and try to avoid the topic as much as possible. Its just really hard and I keep thinking of the worse possible scenarios. At the same time I keep thinking to myself do I really need to come out to them ever? I mean its not like they came out to me and said they were straight? I know it’s not the same, but again I’m the kind of person that doesn’t really like to label sexual orientations. Anyway just needed to write my thoughts down and maybe get some advice. Thanks for reading!
I dont think you need to worry about Jill telling anyone. I have a pretty big mouth too, if you didnt tell me not to tell, it just slips out, when it's big news it gets passed around. But in this situation, i'm sure she'll understand as she was also in the same position not long ago. and if Jim and Sally are married, they probably know there's no chance of you ever making a move on Jim because who chases married men, i mean you KNOW he's straight anyways. So I'd say you're worrying too much, you just gotta tell them... You've told your family and that's the hardest part. Friends should be able to handle it pretty well
i also think you are thinking about this too much. i can be classed as a gossip at times myself too but i know if something is personal to not say to anyone. i guess thats why people find me easy to talk to. i also have friends like that that i would like to tell them im gay but just aint ready to tell them yet. i know they would nave no issue with it but i just aint comfy enuff just incase im wrong. they already know in many ways which eases my mind a little.
