So I've reached a point where I don't really feel like I can keep dating. Let me explain. 1) Nobody locally is worth it (that I know of.) 2) Every time I fall in love, I've gotten my heart broken. Without fail. 3) I have depression. 4) I don't know of any sites for dating where I won't have to lie about my age. I just... feel like it's not worth it anymore... And I'm a very relationship-driven person, so you can probably imagine how this has affected me. If anyone knows of anywhere I can at least try to date people, I would be very happy. I know I'm not allowed to do that here, so I won't put up all my info. Thanks.
There's no harm in taking a break from dating till you get a bit older and mature a bit. Please note I'm not saying you're immature, but there's always room to mature. (*hug*) Just try to concentrate on something else for a bit, like schoolwork. It's pretty important!
Thanks for responding. I must have refreshed that page like 20 times. >.< It wasn't exactly the response I had wanted, but it does have some validity to it. See, why that doesn't work for me is because when I'm not occupied, everything comes back to me and I get really depressed. I'm going on medication again soon. All I need at this point in my life is someone I can love and be intimate with. It sounds easy, but the novelty of dating has worn off for me. I just want all of this to be over one way or another.
You really shouldn't rely on dating type sites though, especially at your age, beyond the fact that most of them wouldn't allow it anyway. Just sayin. Don't really know what else to say except I'm sorry you're depressed and stuff (*hug*)
Hey, I made it to 18 having never dated anyone, kissed anyone, or anything before. So have many other people. It's really not a bad thing, don't worry
I know how you feel (*hug*) Trust me, you've had your heart broken but i've never had it taken to be able to be broken. Thats really feels bad. I'm not by any means trying to say i feel worse than you, im just wondering why none of the guys locally are worth it?
I could just never connect with any of them, I never had any common interests. One of them is really studious, one is unattractive and kind of an insensitive jerk, one is just too happy and loud for me, one has autism, and one just... isn't my type. I don't know why.
I see. And i really wish i could help you, because trust me ive had depression (i might still have it), and i know the hold it takes over your life. I know its not the same as a boyfriend, but you don't seem like a person people wouldn't want to be friends with, so i would spend more time with the ones you've got. They are pretty important at this stage in life in my opinion. Especially when you cant talk to family about things like i cant.
You really have to learn to function by yourself before you can work in a relationship. I think you should be looking at why you feel so strongly about having that someone special in your life, I mean yes its a nice and picturesque idea to have one person love you for you but its rarely so perfect. I'm not saying you shouldn't want for that because 90% of the applicable population wants the same thing but I'm saying you should first be secure and happy with most of the other aspects of your life. Don't strive to have a boyfriend so you can be happy, Strive to be happy because of who you are and what you have achieved. You should also appreciate the past loves you've already had even if they didn't end well, some people don't get to feel such things as young as 16 or at all. I'm 20 and have yet to have a boyfriend\girlfriend or feel that sort of love. It sucks. But I know that I want those things for unhealthy reasons. Anyways I hope you find the answers you are looking for and the happiness that everyone deserves to have.
When you rely on *anything* external in order to be happy (a boyfriend, a snazzy car, a certain type of clothes, etc.) then you are attempting to displace internal unhappiness by externalizing it, and that never, ever works. You might give yourself the illusion you're happy, but soon enough, you'll find something else to be unhappy about, because until you really look inside and learn to love yourself, in whatever situation you're in, you can never really be happy. Now, that said... seeking a boyfriend isn't a bad thing. It's only when you get the idea that you *need* a boyfriend to be happy that's problematic. And as Joey has already said, lookign for boyfriends on dating sites (or, I'd add, at clubs or similar places) is very unlikely to yield you anyone worth being with. Dating sites and clubs are generally places where people seek hookups or shallow relationships, which is why emotionally healthy people generally don't hang out on those sites or places. You're still school age, so work on finding friends your own age. Look and see if there's a GSA at your school, or a gay center in your community where you can meet other people your age. Simply doing activities you enjoy, maybe a hobby, or some sort of athletic activity, or working together on class projects, allows you to meet people and you're more likely to find someone that's appealing and interesting to you... and *that* is where healthy relationships come from; a place of common interests and experiences, rather than just a physical attraction or sexual connection. I hope that helps
Well, let me take a few of your statements, and kind of nudge them in another direction. "Nobody locally is worth it (that I know of.)" "Alright. I just don't think I can make it to 18 alone." "All I need at this point in my life is someone I can love and be intimate with." Taken in toto, it appears that you're...well, you're walking around with your hand around an invisible guy. With a big sign reading "insert perfect (or near-perfect) boyfriend here". You appear to have a very specific idea of what sort of boyfriend you're expecting, and everybody you're trying out is coming up short. "Fail." "Fail." "Fail." Here's the thing. Many guys fall into this trap. "I want a boyfriend" they say. But wanting a boyfriend isn't like wanting a pizza or wanting a new pair of shoes. You want a pizza? You go to the pizza shop and buy one. You want a new pair of shoes? Go to the shoe store, try a couple on, buy them. You want a boyfriend? Well, fine, but unlike the pizza and shoes, there's another person to consider. You don't have to ask the pizza if it wants to be eaten - you just eat the pizza. Not so with a boyfriend. "I want a boyfriend" should more properly be stated "I'd like to get into a relationship". Because it makes it clear that there's more going on than just "landing a man". In order to get into a relationship, you need to meet somebody you click with. You both need to be open to the idea. You need to build on your common ground, and you need to work on developing your relationship. And - here's the kicker - oft-times, the guy you have your eye on (or the guy in your head) ends up NOT being the guy you click with. You end up not really hitting it off with that hottie you'd been mooning over, but you click with his dorky best friend. It happens. At which point, you don't bother with the hottie and you start seeing if there's any possibility with his best friend. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. But there's something wrong with insisting on one. Especially since I don't get much sense from you that you're understanding how a relationship works. It seems more like you're looking for somebody to "fill the void". Sure, if you happen to get into a relationship that fills that void, great. But if you don't, you shouldn't just start grabbing guys and seeing if they do it. Relationships are two-way streets. You want a guy to "fill the void". Fine, but what are YOU bringing to the table? Maybe you'll find a guy who's looking for nothing more than to "fill the void" in somebody's life, but presumably, he's gonna have some wants/needs/expectations, too. Are you a good friend? Are you a good listener? Are you fun to be around? Do you make people feel better about themselves? The best way to get a good boyfriend is to be a good boyfriend. At age 16, it's very early sailing. Even straight kids have trouble fumbling through the available pool, and they learn about relationships the same way we do - they date, they make mistakes, they learn from mistakes, they date some more. It may be your pool is too shallow, or that you've exhausted what few options you have. If so, that's fine - it happens. Work on yourself more. Work on making yourself a good boyfriend, a good friend, a good person. Then, when the opportunity presents itself (when you leave school), you'll be ready. Lex
you're going to have to learn to be self dependent. Always wanting to have someone there can be a self destructive attitude.
Yeah this is all great advice, logically. Unfortunately depression isn't logical, as anyone who has it or has had it would know. I used to be the one on your side, the one giving advice like what lex is doing; making it helpful and wise without looking down on the person I had been giving advice to. On a related topic, I don't want to sound ungrateful but I think honesty is one of my redeeming qualities. I'm going to be honest here. When you're giving advice, please do not say anything along the lines of "you need to do this." It comes across as "You're wrong; this is what I think you should do and I'm right." And it may just be me, but I think some of you are looking at my age and, on some level or another, assuming that I am not your equal. This may just be me, and I may be wrong, but I think that subconsciously everyone does this to some degree or another. I know I'm guilty of it. Back on topic, I understand what you're all saying. It's reasonable, sound advice, for the most part. I was wrong; I don't need a boyfriend. I recognize that. What I'm lacking in my life is mental stability, so I'm going back on prozac so I don't end up committing suicide the next time someone doesn't text me back. Does anybody know where I'm coming from here? I not only know that I'm unreasonable, I hate it. I despise my inability to think clearly, and this only compounds the problem. I know what I need. I need someone that I feel comfortable with, someone that I can truly share my emotions with. I just realized that none of my friends, however close they may be, would be comfortable with this. So now I feel more alone than ever because of my own need to perpetuate a confident image. Inb4 "Tell your friends how you feel." I don't want to make them feel any of what I do, I hope that makes sense.
>>>I don't want to make them feel any of what I do, I hope that makes sense. I understand where this is coming from, but that's not how it works. You're not depressed because you had some friend dump their depression onto you. I went through my own major depression in 2008. And I told everybody - my partner, my friends, my family, my co-workers. I don't hide the cast when I break my leg, so I'm not going to put on a game face when I'm depressed and pretend everything's fine. I just told them "I'm going through a depression right now. I'm seeing a doctor, and I've started some anti-depressants, but if you see me seeming a bit gloomier or more lethargic than normal, well, that's why." And everybody was killer. They said they understood, they wished me well, they asked me how I was doing, they said "Let me know if you need to talk". And most of the time I didn't, but it was great to have that there if I did. >>>And it may just be me, but I think some of you are looking at my age and, on some level or another, assuming that I am not your equal. You're not my equal. At least, when it comes to life experience and interpersonal relationships. I've got more than twice the years you've put in at them. This doesn't make me BETTER than you in any way, but it makes me more experienced than you in this respect. It's like when someone with a degree in math can offer advice and suggestions to somebody who's just starting algebra class. Which is why I can come off like I know what the hell I'm talking about. >>>On a related topic, I don't want to sound ungrateful but I think honesty is one of my redeeming qualities. Then perhaps I should let that quality shine through in me, and say that you're coming off as sounding far more interested in presenting yourself in a pitiful position than in someone with a genuine problem interested in getting to the other side of it. Lex
