Story below, but I need some things to cheer me up. Something to make me smile, like "surprised kitty" I love that cat. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8 Well, I didn't manage to come out to my parents while I was home over break. Too much going on, and it would have been a super long and awkward car ride back to school if I had (20 hours). I did write them a letter and sent it once I got back though. Not the ideal way of doing it I suppose, but at least they know. The letter detailed my issues with depression and the fact that I'm not straight. So they got it Tuesday, and it went about as well as expected, which means not too well. My dad called and tried to convince me I wasn't depressed or gay, while my mom cried. My mom called last night and talked about the depression issue, but avoided the gay thing, and when I brought it up I got what I expected, which was her not understanding and saying she hoped I would go back to girls when I was done "experimenting." This won't change, seeing as it hasn't for my older brother, the only other sibling, and he came out to them 3 years ago. It's just going to turn into the elephant in the room. It doesn't help either knowing that my mom partied a bit too hard saturday night and ended up concussed, so she may not even be understanding what I wrote fully. :bang: They still love me and all, and I'm not going to try to change who I am because of it, and I won't be chastised for it, but it still sucks. My parents are hurt and won't understand, and expect me to simply avoid the subject. I don't care about their opinions too much as I have made my own, but I care about them, and knowing they aren't ok with who I am makes me sad, so I need a bit of cheering up. :help:
The one thing we rarely consider when we come out to people is that we've had a LOT longer to come to grips with it all than they have. You've had a few years, they had (maybe) a few hours. And if you rewind back in time to the opening moments when you first thought maybe you were gay, some of their reactions might not seem so alien. I certainly remember thinking "maybe it's just a phase" about myself, so I couldn't really get on anyone else's case for thinking the same thing about me. So now the statement's been made, and they've started processing. Eventually it'll sink in. And maybe it will be a topic they'd just as soon not discuss. If so, perhaps it's best if you simply not discuss it with them. I don't mean avoid the topic at all costs, or pretend to be straight. If you start dating a guy, feel free to mention it to them, but don't go into any detail. Just keep them informed of the bare minimum, and discuss other things with them. My parents have always been supportive, but I've always felt a bit of hesitancy on my father's part to discuss "the whole gay thing". I mean, he knows I'm gay. He met my partner soon after we started dating, and welcomed him into the family with open arms, and introduces him to friends as "Lex's partner". But I can't picture him ever really saying the words "I have a gay son" comfortably. That's just way outside his comfort zone. And I'm fine with that. He's shown (in words and actions) that he understands, that he's supportive, and that he loves both of us. I don't need him to recite words for it to have meaning for me. And this might be true for your parents, too. Maybe they'd rather not talk about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean they won't understand, and (eventually) accept. I don't know if your brother has gotten a steady boyfriend since he came out, but I found that THAT tends to drive things home more than anything. Oh, right. Cheering up. Um, this always makes me laugh. [youtube]lMHAZwR-BdQ[/youtube] Lex
Your mom and dad might come around. It's more likely that they'll come to accept you than for you to turn straight. So that's what you have to hope for. Not sure what to say to cheer you up. You've gotten the most difficult 'coming out' behind you - so that should make you feel better!
It can be soooooo frustrating when people think that denial or fear can turn you straight, but you need to stay strong this will send the message: I'm gay and no amount of BS will change that. People have often compaired coming out to ripping off a band-aid, and that you should do it quick. The problem is that people forget out all the discomfort afterwards. I hope my odd comparisons help....oh this may lighten your mood. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIrvpn3k9A4
Thanks guys. I know I need to give my parents time, and however that ends up doesn't really matter I guess. It's not my issue, it's theirs. I just needed a reason to smile, and both of those videos hit the perfect amount of nerd in me
Hi there! Glad that you seem to feel a bit better. Yes, give your parents time, and hopefully they will come around to it. Maybe the next time you are visiting them, you could give them some PFLAG materials to read. There is also a good book for parents, entitled "Now that you Know." Most book stores carry that title, or you could also check out Amazon. Remember that you are the best person to educate them. Hope all will turn out well for you. Congrats on coming out to your parents though!
(*hug*) Congrats on making that step, even if it didn't go the best it could have... If you have books on the subject (look for Coming Out books) in the libraries or bookstores or even online sites in your area.. Also, give it time as previous posters have said. My parents reacted much the same way as yours (only I was living with them when I came out to the family in April 2009)... And it took till the mid of November 09 for my mom to stop asking about boys and stop rude/homophobic comments. Then, it took til January 2010 (this month) for her to ask how my dating search was going, and if I'd met any nice girls. The latter made me almost cry since I realized she's started to realize it's not a choice and is easing into it. Even though it's been almost 9 months, I'm glad things are moving along. I know it took me about 3 years to work through my feelings for women and finally accept it, so it might take my parents that long or longer to fully accept it... *sigh* Give it time though. You are your parent's son. And with education, they will realize it's not something we choose and that you still love them. They will come around and still love you too.
