1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I have issues.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mistie, Jan 21, 2010.

  1. Mistie

    Mistie Guest

    This kinda serves as a mini rant for me.....
    But any advice is appreciated.

    So basically, I can't stand life at the moment. Living and breathing, that's no trouble, I got that down. But when it comes to society, relationships, and everything else, god aren't I screwed.

    Things bringing me down lately:

    1. I feel socially awkward to whoever I talk to. I feel I can never keep a conversation going and people find it boring to talk to me.

    2. I feel that I can't find any passion in my life. There are not many activities out there that really make me wanna excel in. This makes me feel like a complete loser.

    3. I feel that I'm losing each friend I have one by one. Being alone is my worst fear.

    4. I'm fat. I should get over it and work out, but nothing can really motivate me with my current mood.

    5. I'm not the most approachable person in the world. My voice is deep, I'm fat, and I tend to shut people out cause of my timid nature.

    6. You know that saying that family will be there for you no matter what? Psh, I'm definitely not gonna feel great when I have to come out to my parents. They're devoted catholics and I already mentioned it to them once....Not the best outcome. I'm afraid I'm going to be so lonely in the future that even my FAMILY won't be there to keep me company.

    7. I WANT TO KICK AND YELL AT MYSELF AND JUST SAY "WHAT THE EFFIN HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!"

    8. I don't smoke or drink now....but I doubt I'm not gonna do it excessively in the future....

    9. Every girl I've been involved with has hurt me. NONE of them were committed which is what I want most in a relationship.

    10. I always judge and/or reject everything and everyone I see. Religion, society, and whatever else. I wish I could stop.

    11. I can be academically smart, but when it comes to complete common sense, I'm just an idiot.

    12. I have major self-esteem issues...Sometimes I feel like Holden from Catcher in the Rye without the ego.


    There's my problems compiled into a list for ya.....
    I'm not having a good night to sum it up....
     
  2. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    aww, i think you need a great big hug.

    i can bet you aint boring or are a loser. hell as for a conversation, you just posted a mini story haha. your still young so there is loads out there for ya to consider. plenty time to just chill out. if your soo bothered about yourself why dont you try going for a nice stroll. it aint really taxing and will get you fit if you do it alot. infact i like to go walking up the hills and thru the forest as there is stuff to see, so maybe that might appeal to you too. if you think your friends are not around you as much just say to them that your feeling a bit down just now, im sure they will understand and maybe try to help by invovling you in stuff more.

    what i tend to find that cheers me up is just sitting on here with music in the background. if i start getting happy i get up and have a wee dance to myself haha. (can you just picture the neighbours looking thru the windows and seeing me, theyd thinki was a loony)
     
  3. Stephen505

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    1) I think I know how you feel.. sometimes I actually just question myself with "What DO people usually do when they "hang out" with friends.. I mean I have my friends come over sometimes and we sit around doing nothing.. I never really plan anything and I feel I'm not entertaining them enough, but really, it's fine like that. Everyone enjoys different things. If you feel you can't hold a good conversation, try just going for walks or playing games of some sort with people (I recently met a guy that I haven't really talked to, but I've gone for some long, fun walks with him lol). I'm sure you can find SOMETHING you can enjoy with someone (it doesn't have to be a direct conversation or anything like that)

    2) I like to tell myself: "If you excel in something, it will be VERY hard to find someone as good as you who can appreciate what you're doing." Being average, or maybe a little above average is my goal sometimes. In that scenario, you can find plenty of people at your same "level" to interact with. If this is career related or something, people change their jobs all the time, I just recently changed my university program, most things in life are very "fluid" and change fairly easily as long as you are persistent.

    3) I don't know anything about your situation here.. but I can say that every time I transitioned between schools or sometimes grade levels, my entire circle of friends would change as well.. I hated it.. but in the end I usually end up keeping in touch with the closest people to me from each group.

    4) ..I don't know what to say.

    5) In class, I usually put my head down and tell people I'm sick or extremely tired as to avoid conversations.. Despite this, I still go to the LGBT lounge at school and talk to people in clubs. So ya.. if you think you aren't approachable, you could try going to small groups/clubs to meet some people.

    6) I don't have a great relationship with my family, but trust me.. you can't find a new family, but there are INFINITE possibilities to find new friends. :slight_smile:

    7) Once you solve some of these issues you're having.. always remember how you got passed them.. go back and always rationalize them away. Tell yourself how stupid you're being and how easy it is to overcome it again. This will take a lot of time, but after you do it once, you can always repeat it! Just remember the feeling!

    8) Don't focus on drugs/alcohol.. if you can find a way now to overcome all this and occupy yourself with good friends, it will never cross your mind again.

    9) ..bad luck? move too quickly?.. don't know what to say..

    10) ..don't know what to say.. maybe a good mood after all this will change it a little?

    11) I'm the same. You would not believe some of the things I've done/failed at.. but really, the only way to learn is to make a fool of yourself first. You can't know how to ride a public bus until you try once and hand the driver your money LOL.. Just remember that everyone has failed at almost everything their first time.

    12) I find when I feel like my self-esteem is dying, I tell myself that I should act completely "selfishly". Example: I'll tell myself it doesn't matter if people think I'm funny. If I want to tell a joke, I'll tell a joke. I WILL enjoy it and the others MIGHT enjoy it, but their opinion is irrelevant. Eventually, you'll gain some confidence.

    (*hug*) </long post>

    ***EDIT: Just saw your age.. you ARE young.. lol.. things are going to change a lot soon, so try not to be too stuck up on anything in your current situation, though if you CAN work through it, you'll see just how strong you are :slight_smile:.
     
    #3 Stephen505, Jan 21, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2010
  4. ADTR fan

    ADTR fan Guest

    hey first off: it WILL get better.

    second: there are lots of things you can do for yourself. from the sound of your post, you may be depressed, and exercise is honestly a great way to feel better. while you may not want to run, your body releases endorphins--also known as runner high-- which makes you feel really great after running. you dont even need to run for a long time, try 10 minutes 3 days a week. thats just a start you may want to consider, seeing as your weight seems to be an issue to you. and perhaps if you feel your friends are slipping away from you, you could try to hang out with them more. or pick up an instrument. when you have a passion, you will want to talk about it. find something you love. (i know this sounds hard or uninteresting but it will help you) you may even find some new friends through it!

    if you ever want to talk shoot me a message
     
  5. Glunn11

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2009
    Messages:
    146
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Idaho
    Hi Mistie. -hugs-

    I can relate to you in many ways. I feel socially inept many times, I feel idiotic for not knowing how to turn a hotel tub from tub to shower mode, I want to lose weight, and I, too, WANT TO KICK AND YELL AT MYSELF AND JUST SAY "WHAT THE EFFIN HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?! many a time.

    I don't know if I have extremely great advice for you, but what I do know is that this kind of thinking is caused by not giving yourself enough credit. Yes, there will be moments when you will seem to lack some common sense, but ultimately you've admitted that you are academically intelligent. Everyone has those so-called "blonde moments." No matter how worthless you may feel, you are even entitled to those: as many as you want, in fact. :wink:

    I think both of us need to be wary of apathy -- just allowing each day to pass by without doing much to improve our situations. In fact, I'll start counting Calories again due to this thread, starting when I wake up in the morning.

    feelin like p. diddy. (let's be srs. anyone who read this thread thought that)

    Just know that this community is definitely here for you to get a great amount of support. Keep us updated, and remember that it will get better. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Becky1234

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2010
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Mistie,

    You have plenty to say - and you said it with passion and meaning, so you are certainly not boring. That's just for starters. If you feel like you want to feel better about yourself, start with small steps towards one thing that you want to improve. Maybe start by working on your self-esteem. The more you love you, the more opportunity you give to others to love you too. If we don't love ourselves (or even like ourselves), how can we expect others to love us. Maybe that is why your previous girlfriends have not treated you well? Somehow maybe they thought it was okay to not treat you the way you truly want to be treated....well that stops now :slight_smile: As for support, you may not get all you need from your parents, but you have EC and that is a great place to start. You will get lots of love and support here.

    Becky
     
  7. Mistie

    Mistie Guest

    Oi, thanks for all the replies everyone. :slight_smile:
    If I had the time, I would pick out some quotes and discuss from there, but I'm way too tired, hahaha.

    But anyways, like I said, I was just having a bad night, and I felt like I needed to blurt out my feelings and flaws about myself at the moment.
    I can't say I feel completely better. All this crap has been really bugging me for the past couple months (and it's just recently been getting to me pretty bad). However, your replies have definitely lifted my spirits. Thank you so much for your support.
    EC is an awesome community, no doubt. Although I don't post much (just more of a creepy lurker, haha), I still love all the people here.

    Yay for group hugs (&&&)
    Once again, I really appreciate the replies. thank you. (*hug*)