So there's this guy at school, and I like him, quite a bit, he seems nice and judging by the amount of hugging he likes to do I'm guessing he's probably not straight, so I reached a decision that I'm gonna try to ask him out, after our exams finish, thing is I've no idea what to say to him, has anyone else been in a similar situation, what did you say?
How friendly are you with this guy? Do you already talk quite a bit? Or do you not really know him that well? Because I think you need to get to know him first - and you need to have the discussion about being gay vs. straight. He might think it's a little odd that you're asking him out on a date if you've never talked about either of you being gay or bi. If he's straight he might assume that you're simply asking him out as a friend. Are you out to him? That might be the first step. Assuming you can trust him if you don't want others to find out.
Hi there! Given that you have mentioned "I'm guessing he's probably not straight," I think your first step should be trying to find out if he is gay. How to do it? Talk wit him. Try to get to know him better before you ask him out. Over time, as you get to know him, and if you are not out to him, come out to him first before asking him out. Are you out to him? Maybe after you have finished your exams, ask him if he wants to hang out with you. Try to become his friend first, before asking him out. As you get to know him, you will learn a few things about him, including as to whether he actually is into guys. A lot of straight guys like hugging too.
thanks I just realized I hadn't mentioned that bit, yeah I've known him since September and we've been getting along really well, I haven't come out to him yet though
Well I think that might have to be your next step. Not an easy one - but necessary I think if you want to start dating someone.
Okay...then maybe come out to him first. Given that you are getting along well, and have gotten to know him, do you think he we would be supportive? Do you trust him enough to come out to him?
Just to add to "coming out to him" as the first step. A lot of people find it easier to come out to people they already KNOW are gay and trustworthy.. So just in telling him you're gay and trusting him, he might later feel comfortable to confide in you.
Yeah it's best to maybe come out to him first, before asking him out. And don't do both the same day. First tell him you are, then find out if he is, and then maybe ask him out if he is gay. If he winds up becoming more affectionate after you tell him you're gay, he probably is, if he winds up growing distance, he's either straight, or is gay but afraid of people finding out he is because you're gay. It's always confusing like this it seems....Good luck.
Also, I wouldn't jump to the assumption that he's gay just because he's comfortable hugging guys. A LOT of my straight male friends, both when I was in high school and ones who are high school age now, are very comfortable hugging very openly, so that in itself isn't a reliable indicator of gayness. Now if there are other indications, that's a different story...
Yeah, don't always take an effemminate nature for being gay. The majority of my friends in secondary school were MAJORLY effeminate and sometimes rather camp with each other despite being straight. They are all straight. (Minus the one, who says he's bicurious but is still undecided) I sometimes blame this on the reason why I lack any gaydar at all... My friends messed me up xD
