I really want to come out but I'm stuck scared in the closet : (

You're gonna need to keep "you're so gay" separate from "you're gay" in your head. Most "that's gay" comments fall into two categories.

1. Spoken meanly by non-friends. When somebody you don't know angrily or tauntingly calls you "gay" or "fag", he probably doesn't know (and likely doesn't care) about your sexual orientation. What he's REALLY saying is "I want to hurt you". Often, these people don't even think that being gay IS a negative thing - but they know that people your age are apt to have soft underbellies, and they're looking for an opening. They're looking for a spot that'll hurt, and "fag" is often one that does, even among straights.

2. Spoken by friends. This might be called "good-natured ribbing". Your friend might also say something "Dude, that's retarded." Now, if you ended up actually BEING mentally challenged, and your friend knew it, chances are he wouldn't say that. What he's saying might not be very nice, but he's simply kidding around, not attempting to hurt.

The key thing to keep in mind is that it isn't the term so much as the intent behind it. "Nerd" and "geek" were often derogatory terms in my day, and to this day, my sister-in-law will taunt my partner and me with those words. Which never made any sense even then. What's wrong with being smart? And getting good grades? But because they say it in a demeaning manner, it makes you feel that that state in undesirable or unwelcome. Hell, you can make ANYTHING sound like that with the right sneer. "You...jock." "You...gargoyle." Just do your best to look BEYOND the words, the noises people make to get their point across. Remember what they're ACTUALLY saying, or trying to say.

And don't ever forget that being gay kicks ass.

Lex

 

In terms of coming out you are further along than I am so I can't really give you any advice on that manner. What I can tell you is to try really hard at accepting that life in school is much harsher than life in the real world. It will not always be this way. Young people are horribly cruel without realizing it. The reason is because most school aged people are not very mature. It is very likely you could come across these people in 10 years and they will not be the same people they are now. The ones that talk smack do so because they are not happy with themselves. If you confront them about it they will deny it. The best course of action with such people is to ignore them but I understand that is hard to do. Once you become confident in who you are the little people will realize they can't touch you.

That ends my rambling post of the day.

 

I am willing to bet that when you do come out, your friends will stop making those comments. They will start to realize that they hurt you in the past and may even apologize to you.

Also, if you need further advice, my (female) friend gave me really good advice when I finally decided to come out to my (male) roommates. "You're so worried about losing them as friends, that you don't see that you're a good friend and that they won't want to lose you as a friend either."

 

listen to Lex about how to deal with the feelings you have about being called gay, but on the subject of how to come out.

It all starts with one person, find one person you can trust and tell him/her. Each time you do it it will get easier and easier.

I found that I couldn't tell anyone until I was able to look in the mirror at myself and say out loud: "I'm gay."

 

when i came out to one of my male friends right before it was facebook public, he told me the best thing ever...

that made me feel really good i wish a lot more people would have that out look...

 

if ppl make fun or anyone it is because they life sucks more then ours so they need a outlet for there funstration

 

I totally agree with this one. While I didn't have the types of friends in highschool who would say "You're gay? Ewww..." I know that it would have made life more interesting with the stuck up popular girls thinking "Ew, she's watching me change..."

I'm not gonna lie, but I'm glad I pieced things together 'after' highschool. *sigh* But I still do have the feeling that some girls my age think that I'm automatically going to check them out because I'm gay. But of course what they don't realize is that... they don't check every guy out all the time. Right? So why should I check every girl out?

Plus, if I probe to see if this girl I like is bi or gay or interested... and she's not, then I'll back off. I'm not pushy that way. I'd respect that.

It's ok. You told her. That's the important thing. It'll probably take her a while to come to terms with it. Did it take a while for you to come to terms with it? I know it did for me, so I'm trying to be patient and give my mom time to come to terms with it too. God knows there's been enough tears to probably burst a dam on both sides (me and my mom).

Did you look up sites, or books to hand her when you came out about sexuality? If not, I suggest you look up some "Coming Out" books or books on what it's like to be gay/bi etc. I remember I bought one and left it for my mom to read. She originally said, "I don't want to read your stupid book." But after a while... I'd come home to my parents and see the book in a different place every time (meaning someone was reading it).

Also, get in touch with your closest PFLAG chapter (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Bisexual support is of course included in that. You could google "(your area) PFLAG" and give them a call. They're there to help you so don't feel ashamed calling them.

If any of that helps you, I'm glad. If not, I'll try to edit my post later. :lol:

 

After I came out, and asked people if I changed at all, the only thing they said to me was "you're happy all the time instead of sad." It's true. My outlook on life became much more positive after I came out.

 

And that's the way it should be. Live your life to be happy, not someone else's ideal. (*hug*)

I think you'll find most of us on EC became suddenly brighter as soon as we started coming out. I know my mom said that I've changed from the occasional smiley girl to the "smiley all the time" ever since I came out. And she can tell if I have a lady on my mind or if I'm seeing one too since I'm giddy apparently? :lol: