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Explaining Bisexuality

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by biisme, Jan 22, 2010.

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  1. biisme

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    So, I intern at a small pastry factory near where I live in order to obtain the food experience necessary for me to attend the college I want to. Today they were talking about various people that had had intern before, one of which was a gay guy. Somehow, rather quickly, the three people in the room agreed that people are born gay or straight in general, but then we approached the subject of bisexuality. Person #1 said that bisexuals are "horny bastards" while the Person #2 said that "bisexuals just want the best of both worlds." Person #3 just didn't really care or comment one way or the other.

    We then entered a huge conversation over bisexuality. They do not know I am bisexual.

    Never have I encountered so many bisexual stereotypes in one conversation, yet at the same time it didn't make me mad, just frustrated. Person #1, who is the person I talked with the most said "I just don't understand it. Maybe you can help me to understand. We have six more weeks to talk about this." I end my internship in six weeks.

    What would you personally say to someone who brought up these following opinions/points? I have already tried explaining but the more views the better. :slight_smile:

    1. Bisexuals don't care who they sleep with as long as they orgasm.
    2. Bisexuals who have slept with both a man and woman in the past can not be sexually satisfied in a monogamous relationship because they will miss the other "parts."
    3. Bisexuals can choose to only act on their heterosexual urges, yet they also act on their homosexual urges. Doesn't this mean bisexuality is a choice?
    4. Why shouldn't bisexuals "satisfy themselves" with only heterosexual relationships?
    5. A person who is bisexual and has feelings for men and women has just not decided if they are gay or straight.

    The part in bold was one of the points this person was arguing quite strongly.
     
    #1 biisme, Jan 22, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2010
  2. zzzero

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    Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    I mean i'm gay but what I would think is that bi-sexual people are capable of falling in love with either sex. From what I have heard from bi-sexual people I know is that they have phases where they are really attracted to one sex for a while then they can easily turn back to loving the other sex. They can fall for anyone though. They're open to being with either sex in a sexual way, and it's not all about sex like many straight people seem to think.
     
  3. Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    I like the way Tori Amos put it: "Some people are vegetarians, some people are meat eaters. and bisexuals are just hungry all the time!" im kidding though. I really do envy bisexual men and woman, the ability to love everyone, whether its one sex a little more than the other or both equally is a beautiful quality. And thats how i would put it, they can love anyone they want.
     
  4. SaturdaySaviour

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    Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    To me, a bisexual is a person that is turned on by both sexes and can fall in love with anyone. Simple as that.

    I'm annoyed by people that think bisexuality is just something popular or that bisexuals are just confused... And even more if people who express those opinion are actually GAY. It's pretty concerning that biphobia is spread among homosexuals, too.
     
  5. xCrazyInsanity

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    Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    I actually see biseuxality as being more open than being straight or gay.

    Why?
    The ultimate "Love is love", when gender does not matter to the person. Yes, there are people with preferences, but when your partner's gender doesn't matter to you...

    I really don't get the biphobia from other gay people. i means seriously, the eff? You're going to discriminate against somene for their sexuality? Hypocritial much
     
  6. littledinosaurs

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    Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    @ Tswyter : I wouldn't hyphenate bisexual (nor do i like it when others do) because it gives it an appearance of two sexualities (gay & straight) rather than just one. I am not really half gay and half straight (or whatever percents you wanna divide) I just am bi.
    (sorry little pet-peeve)

    1. No, that is more of the definition of someone who is loose/slutty. Bisexuals are just able to achieve orgasms with people who are of simliar or different genders to themselves.

    2.No again. I would compare it to sleep with two different people in general. You used to have sex with Sally but she's moved on and now you're with Stacey. Do you Miss sally sometimes? Maybe, but can you live without her and still function? Yes. You could even compare to food or beer. Just because you've tasted them all doesn't mean you can't go a time without some types. Maybe you want to eat spaghetti for 3 months and then you decide you don't want any for a month. You can go back if you desire but maybe you'll be satisfied with some new food.

    3. This goes with what i said about hyphenating it. It's not a struggle between gay and straight; it's one sexuality. Yes someone who is bisexual can decide that they are not comfortable with it and go only one way. It just means that they are choosing their behaviour, possibily sexual identity but they are still bisexual(in terms of having attractions to more than one gender)

    4. They can if they want. It's not my job to tell bisexuals how to get off. Maybe they'll chose to satisfy themselves with only gay people. Maybe they'll choose to satisfy themselves only when wearing leather. Maybe they'll chose to satisfy themselves when wearing handcuffs. Why do you care how other people are choosing to satisfy themselves, especially when they aren't choosing you?

    5. That would be the definition of confused, not bisexual. If you think it's a phase then it's been a hell of a long phase for some people. Besides don't more people go through a phase of being straight? Just because you only can like one gender doesn't mean other people are like that. It's okay if you can't understand it, but don't try to invalid others who are different from yourself; it's rude.
     
  7. adam88

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    Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    Is pretty much what it comes down to for me. I don't really understand what's so complicated about it - monogamy and bisexuality are not mutually exclusive.
     
  8. biisme

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    Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    The person who I was talking to does not understand how anyone who has been with both sexes sexually can be satisfied in a relationship, because they aren't getting something that they've experienced. I tried comparing it to being with different partners (ie: Just cause Jon was great in bed doesn't mean you're not satisfied with Bill). However, it's just been a wash so far.
     
  9. zzzero

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    Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    Sorry I didnt mean to offend. That's just what came naturally, what you saw wasnt intended! no hard feelings?
    I'll try to say bisexual from now on.
     
    #9 zzzero, Jan 23, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2010
  10. Becky1234

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    Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    This is so interesting - I don't know if I am bi. I have been with men all my life and I guess the sex was okay, not terrible. Although, that said, the best and sometimes only possible way to orgasm was when I fantasized I was with a woman. When I was with a man, sometimes it felt good....but not as good as being with a woman (or at least the woman I am with now). And now that I am with a woman, I can admire a good looking guy but the idea of being with him physically, sexually, or even just living life day to day with the dude just does nothing for me, and even makes me cringe a little. I have no interest. But the question for me is whether that interest could return one day, or if it is gone for good. So am I bi, or gay, or straight but right now (and for over a year) having a really great relationship with a woman? Sometimes I think it would be good to have a crystal ball :slight_smile:

    Becky
     
  11. littledinosaurs

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    Re: Explaning Bisexuality

    Don't worry about it! :slight_smile: Just trying to educate (i hope i didn't come off as attacking and if I did i apologize.)
     
  12. wizdrorcal

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    Ive always been wondering if I'm really gay or bi. I actually would thin I am bi. Bi people will most definitely not just have sex with anything that has an orgasm. Bisexual people tend to prefer one gender over the other, but are still capable of having a loving relationship with another gender as well. I wouldn't respond to that person #1 who tried to debate with you because those points are ridic. I don't even know where to begin offering responses for those statements because I don't agree with any of them!
     
  13. ColdSnap

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    I'm interested to see the responses to this because I understand the concept of bisexuality, but because I find the opposite sex pretty much a total turn off I really don't get it.

    I think the two main problems you face are that bisexuality is indeed a stepping stone for a lot of gay people that don't want to fully come out straight away, I can think of 4 friends off the top of my head for whom that was the case.

    Secondly because gay and straight operate at polar ends of a sliding scale, bisexuality covers the very large space inbetween and so the few 'truly' bisexual people I know, which is probably not the right term and isn't intended to cause offence, but by which I mean seem to find men and women totally equally attractive, have all had different stories/metaphors for the way they feel where as with gay people the large majority have either said they've always known, or weren't that attracted to the opposite sex then tried the same sex and it was an eye opener.

    The metaphor about i thought littledino's metaphor of sally and stacey was quite helpful? do other bisexuals feel that explains their feelings quite well? Do you tend to overlook gender when you meet people or are there distinct and separate things you like about both sexes?
     
  14. Chip

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    Remember that, according to Kinsey's landmark study, only 10% of the population is completely heterosexual or completely homosexual. That means the rest are somewhere on the continuum.

    "Bisexual", "heterosexual" and "homosexual" are just convenient labels that allow us to categorize into 3 neat groups something that is actually far more nuanced. The truth is, the majority of people in the world are, at least to some extent, bisexual.

    Now most men who *primarily* have sex with men (or women with women) would label themselves gay, and most people who primarily have opposite-sex partners would label themselves straight. But in truth, the majority probably have some bisexual tendencies.

    Some percentage of bisexuals (if we use the above definitions) are hardwired to have little or no preference, some of them may be totally straight or gay who are experimenting a little because they're comfortable doing so, some of them may be uncomfortable accepting the label of "gay or lesbian" and use the label "bisexual" even though it is not really accurate.

    I think the problem and the confusion stems from trying to cram a continuum with a lot of gradations into a trinary system of categories.
     
  15. flymetothemoon

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    Having fought this fight with my mother when she found out someone was bisexual and tried to tell me all the reasons that he was horrible and was going to hell, I'll say that there are some people you will just never be able to convince of the fact that these things are not true. After quite a while of arguing with my mother, I told her that I didn't agree with her and she clearly wasn't planning to agree with me, but I refused to listen while she slammed this person she hardly even knew anymore, so I was going to walk away and she could come talk to me again when she was ready to consider another view point. She never came back. But if this person is truly wanting to understand and willing to listen, here are some things i would try...

    1. Bisexuals don't care who they sleep with as long as they orgasm.
    If bisexuals don't care who they sleep with as long as they orgasm, does that mean that straight people don't care about who they sleep with as long as they are the opposite sex and can make them have an orgasm? If that isn't true of straight people, then how can you assume that it is true of bisexual people? Just because it is possible for them to be interested in people of either gender doesn't mean they want to sleep with everyone and don't care who they sleep with.

    2. Bisexuals who have slept with both a man and woman in the past can not be sexually satisfied in a monogamous relationship because they will miss the other "parts."
    You already tried my best argument against this one, so I don't really know what to tell you on this one...

    3. Bisexuals can choose to only act on their heterosexual urges, yet they also act on their homosexual urges. Doesn't this mean bisexuality is a choice?
    Being bisexual isn't a choice. How they choose to act on it is a choice, yes. However, how heterosexuals and homosexuals choose to act on their urges and feelings is also a choice. So once again, this is no different than anyone else. Heterosexual people can choose to ignore their urges or to do something based on them too.

    4. Why shouldn't bisexuals "satisfy themselves" with only heterosexual relationships?
    Why SHOULD they have to satisfy themselves with only heterosexual relationships? They can if they so choose, but they shouldn't HAVE to make that choice just because it makes other people more comfortable.

    5. A person who is bisexual and has feelings for men and women has just not decided if they are gay or straight.
    No, they just haven't felt a need to choose one or the other. They have interest in both genders and don't feel they have to select only one to be interested in.
     
  16. NOTaphase109

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    1. Bisexuals don't NEED to sleep with anybody. But if they do, they do have standards.
    2. It's not a matter of 'missing' the parts, we're just able to love both genders. We don't need both at once.
    3. It's NOT a choice. No more explanation needed. -_-
    4 & 5 Are such stupid questions I don't even have answers.
     
  17. yourillusion

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    I think it is what it is. Bisexuality means something slightly different to everyone who identifies as such I would imagine. It's up to each individual how or if they identify as anything. I identified as bi for awhile. However after I had my first relationship and sexual experiences with a woman, I started identifying as a gay female. I'm still not 100% sure. I don't fit that category exactly. But since we focus so much on *sex*uality, and I have finally come to understand that I prefer sex with women, I identify more as gay. But I still have strong crushes on both men and women, and women and am totally open to and believe I'm capable of, falling in love with either. So, who knows!

    I would tell your co-workers that they are just very good slinging stereotypes. But that's about all they're good at.
     
  18. Lexington

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    I tell them to swap out their comments about bisexuals for somebody who is either straight or gay, and is attracted to two different types of women/men. Blonde and dark-haired women. Geeks and jocks. Whatever they want. Then I tell them to restate their questions about THEM, and see if the questions make any sense.

    1. Gay guys who are attracted to both geeks and jocks obviously are indiscriminate about who they sleep with - all they care about is that they have an orgasm.

    2. Gay guys who have slept with both geeks and jocks cannot be sexually satisfied in a monogamous relationship because they will miss "being with the other type".

    3. Gay guys can choose to only act on their desire for geeks, but they also can act on their urges for jocks. Doesn't this mean that being attracted to guys with more than one type is a choice?

    4. Why shouldn't gays guys who are attracted to both jocks and geeks just choose one type and stick with it?

    5. A guy who is attracted to both geeks and jocks just hasn't decided which he's actually attracted to.

    Let's just say you'll have a lot harder time convincing people of those statements.

    Lex
     
  19. Zontar

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    Really! Hook me up! At this point, all I can get are people with no standards...

    There's plenty of straight men out there who want to bed a hot celebrity over their tired, old wife any day of the week. Would they actually? Of course not. Why? They made a commitment to someone they love.

    (Ideally though, pervs like me would love it if their girlfriend/boyfriend brought someone home to share =3)

    There are plenty of worse choices one can make than being gay. I could have chosen a long time ago to shoot up with heroin everyday and live off welfare instead of dating the ones I love and being an otherwise productive member of society (AND being thinner and taking better care of myself than my straight compatriots =p).

    If you were the one person in human history born with wings, would you want to cut 'em off or would you want to take advantage of and enjoy something unique about yourself?

    That's right, I forgot, it's Coke or Pepsi. Not like anyone in human history has ever liked both.

    This person sounds like a rather uneducated boob.
     
    #19 Zontar, Dec 22, 2011
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  20. Hexagon

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    1. Bisexuals don't care who they sleep with as long as they orgasm.

    Some bisexuals maybe. But also some gays and straights. What you seem to be missing is that bisexuals are people, and they come as varied in their sexual habits as any other type of people.

    2. Bisexuals who have slept with both a man and woman in the past can not be sexually satisfied in a monogamous relationship because they will miss the other "parts."

    Says a straight man: I like girls with both blonde and brown hair, and I started dating a blonde and I feel horny for brunettes because I can't fuck one without cheating. Yeah, right.

    3. Bisexuals can choose to only act on their heterosexual urges, yet they also act on their homosexual urges. Doesn't this mean bisexuality is a choice?

    No... bisexuality is the feeling of sexual attraction to both sexes. Anyone can choose not to go home with a certain person. It doesn't mean these feelings aren't felt.

    4. Why shouldn't bisexuals "satisfy themselves" with only heterosexual relationships?

    Because there is no point to it. Some people do decide to do that, but they are limiting themselves. Your future life-partner may be the same sex as you. Others feel more comfortable dating the same sex, although they feel attraction to both. And anyway, just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should, and only someone who disapproves of same sex sex should have a problem with it. And I'm not interested in talking to you if thats the case.

    5. A person who is bisexual and has feelings for men and women has just not decided if they are gay or straight.

    No. because sexuality is not a decision. A person who is bisexual hasn't made a decision to be so, they just are, and they cant decide to be anything else.



    In short: bisexuality doubles your chance of a date (not exactly original, but its true enough). Whats not to love? (on the other hand, pansexuality gets you even more :slight_smile:)
     
    #20 Hexagon, Dec 22, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2011
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