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My crazy idea

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by prismaticlight, Jan 24, 2010.

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  1. prismaticlight

    prismaticlight Guest

    I have an idea. I see my psychologist tomorrow and I'm thinking about telling her I'm gay. I know what I say to her is confidential but honestly the idea terrifies me. It would feel good to tell someone buy it is scary to me.

    I don't know what I will do but if anyone has any advice I'm all ears.
     
    #1 prismaticlight, Jan 24, 2010
  2. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! First off, it is not a crazy idea at all. Actually, it is a really good idea!

    You have already indicated a great motivator:
    Not only that, but letting your psychologist know, can also help with your visits in that the more the psychologist knows about you, the better she will be able to help you and to move forward.

    Maybe what would help instead of saying "I'm gay" maybe talk around it. You could for example say: "I like guys"; "I thought a few times about what it would be like to have a boyfriend" (if that is the case); "I saw a cute guy down the street";.....

    If it is any help, the first person I came out to was a counselor. Yep, I was nervous but I kept reminding myself that what ever I tell the counselor will stay with the counselor. All I said was 'I like guys', and the counselor took it from there. The more I talked the less nervous I became. By the end of it, I actually was able to put whole sentences together.

    Also, when you talk to her about it, try to concentrate on something in the room. Look at it, while you talk. Sometimes, not looking at the psychologist/counselor can make it a bit easier to say the more difficult things.

    I hope this helps a bit. If you want your psychologist to know, you will be able to come out to her. You can do it!
     
    #2 Mirko, Jan 24, 2010
  3. Filip

    Filip
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    Well, a psychologist's main job is to make you feel better about yourself and help you move past any hangups. So telling her exactly what your biggest hangup is would help a great deal!

    And there really is nothing that can go wrong. Counselors are not only trained to be discreet, they also hear stories like these all the time. So she's probably sure to have a way of helping you be more at ease with it!

    So I say it sounds like a perfct opportunity! Go for it!
     
    #3 Filip, Jan 24, 2010
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    Therapists are your advocates, and they are nonjudgemental, so you should feel safe saying just about anything to them. I think subtletly is good, any competent therapist will pick up on it, and I also think it's an important thing to share, because it will give your therapist a better insight on what you're thinking and feeling. I'd say go for it, for sure!!
     
    #4 Chip, Jan 25, 2010
  5. adam88

    adam88
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    First person I came out to was in a therapist role at the time so I say just go for it. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 adam88, Jan 25, 2010
  6. Jim1454

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    Of course you should tell your therapist!!! The fact that you're gay could very well have something to do with why you're seeing a therapist. It might shed a lot of light on your situation for them.

    Do it!
     
    #6 Jim1454, Jan 25, 2010
  7. Sylver

    Sylver
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    I think this is a brilliant idea. Because of doctor-patient confidentiality, it's probably the safest place to start your coming out process. It will also give you a chance to work through your conflicted feelings with someone who is willing to listen, who's on your side and who will be non-judgmental.

    I found that the hardest part of my coming out process was getting started. I got over the first hurdle by saying "I'm gay" to myself for the first time. The second hurdle was saying it to someone else for the first time. It was damn hard and scary as all hell, but once I had done it, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

    More importantly I found that it gave me clarity. It's tough to try and work through such difficult emotions all by yourself, and yet you're afraid that the alternative of opening up to others could expose you to even more risk, rejection and pain. I also found a twisted sense of security in my denial; "If I don't tell anyone and hold on for just a little longer, maybe I'll find out I'm not gay after all." I was worried that once I started things moving by telling others, there was no going back, and internally I really wanted to go back. It's a strange place to hide, and I did it for years.

    But... once I started down that path of opening up, I realized that I was actually better able to make sense of what I was going through. While I'm still not "there" yet, I know that I'm well on my way to figuring things out and to finally giving myself an identity and a definition that fits who I really am. Yes, there's no going back, but not because I told people but because I'm finally understanding who I am and where I fit in this world. It's actually a pretty good feeling, and a hell of a lot better than where I was before.

    And it all started with telling that first person. I would never force someone to do something they're not ready for, but if you think that you can summon up the courage to do this tomorrow, then I'll bet it will become the start of something you'll never regret doing. I am so on your side!!
     
    #7 Sylver, Jan 25, 2010
  8. prismaticlight

    prismaticlight Guest

    Thanks for all the advice. My strongest feeling right now is that I will regret not telling her. I'm just telling myself all my negative thoughts about telling her are not legitimate things to be worried about. So in 1 hour I have 1 hour to tell her. I will let you know how it goes.
     
    #8 prismaticlight, Jan 25, 2010
  9. Sylver

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    If you're thinking at this very moment that you will regret not telling her, then you WILL regret not telling her! Go for it!!
     
    #9 Sylver, Jan 25, 2010
  10. Zumbro

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    I agree with everyone else. Just do it. I told mine, and it's nice to know that somebody finally knows. They won't be judgemental, and certainly won't tell anyone, but you can talk to them about it! (!)
     
    #10 Zumbro, Jan 25, 2010
  11. adam88

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    I'm sure your therapist has people come out to them all the time. When my time came the first time around, I marked it down on my calendar with a big "C" (both for the first name of my therapist and for "closet" :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:), and it took me several minutes to spit it out, but I got it done and it was much easier after. :slight_smile:
     
    #11 adam88, Jan 25, 2010
  12. prismaticlight

    prismaticlight Guest

    I won't discount the fact that I was nervous. I talked around it for about 15 minutes but I thought I was being too vague. I thought she wasn't catching on so I just said I'm gay. She just said she knew what I was saying when I was talking around it.

    I now realize it isn't that big of a deal. I was making mountains out of mole hills but I did not realize that until I could talk face to face to someone about it. I'm not even nervous about telling other people now. All my thoughts that I may not really be gay are gone. I totally accept this aspect of who I am. Today was already huge for me and there are still 11 hours left of it.
     
    #12 prismaticlight, Jan 25, 2010
  13. Zumbro

    Zumbro
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    Well, now you get to change your "out status" too! Put a 1 up there and be proud of it! :grin:
     
    #13 Zumbro, Jan 25, 2010
  14. prismaticlight

    prismaticlight Guest

    That was fun to do(!)
     
    #14 prismaticlight, Jan 25, 2010
  15. Sylver

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    Ah, this is so awesome!! Doesn't it feel great? I am sooooo happy for you! :slight_smile: :icon_bigg :icon_mrgr

    Savor the moment because this is a HUGE first step for you! Now you can catch your breath, then start the process of discovering who you really are.
     
    #15 Sylver, Jan 25, 2010
  16. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Careful about that "out status" thing. Once you get your first, you'll want to start collecting them like baseball cards. :grin:

    Lex
     
    #16 Lexington, Jan 25, 2010
  17. EM68

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    Congrats! Now you have one on the board! The first one is always the hardest. :slight_smile:
     
    #17 EM68, Jan 25, 2010
  18. Jim1454

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    That's so awesome! I'm really glad that you found the courage to do that today. It really does make a huge difference to be able to talk to someone about it in person.
     
    #18 Jim1454, Jan 25, 2010
  19. bouncingsouls

    bouncingsouls
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    Going slightly off topic here, but does everyone but me have a therapist?
     
    #19 bouncingsouls, Jan 25, 2010
  20. Mirko

    Mirko
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    That's fantastic! I am glad that you could come out to your therapist. It will make a difference. Really happy for you!
     
    #20 Mirko, Jan 25, 2010
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