Ugh, mom...

Sounds like something that happened to a guy I used to know.

His dad asked him if he was sure that he and his boyfriend weren't JUST friends.

He told his dad: "Umm, I don't know what you do with YOUR friends, but I'm pretty sure we've gone beyond the boundaries of being 'just friends'."

 

I'm not trying to pick your mom's side or anything, but you have to remember that we are surrounded by a society that is still deluded with this perception that there is something wrong with being gay. It's probably just hard for your mom to have a daughter that is, "that way". Which isn't right that anyone would think like that, but ultimately what others think of us is a big deal....bigger than it ever should be.

That's kind of scatterbrained, but I am scatterbrained :lol: I guess what I'm trying to get at is that we all have to take time to come to terms with the cards we've been dealt and when I say "we" I especially mean "family". I'm sure the last thing your mother wants for you is to see you being hurt for something that you can't help. I think she has the best of intentions and just doesn't want to see you hurt...which let's be honest, choosing to be open about our sexuality comes with a price.


Anywho. I'm not sure if any of that helped. I hope maybe something did.

 

It's normal. I know I never could have come out when I realized I wasn't straight. Not only because I wasn't ready but also because my parents probably would have acted the same way with "how do you know-you're only a teen?" "Are you sure?"

The teenage years to many people is deluded with stereotypes of "raging hormones" and angst. And for the most part, there is the idea of "the phase" where it's "cool to be bi/gay etc" in highschool or just after highschool to follow the crowd/try new things/or attract boys.

But in your case, if you're sure... then just stick to your guns. Your mom loves you and she's probably worried that since you're so young you're going to have a tougher life. Try to be patient with her (as hard as it sounds). See your nearest Pride Centre/PFLAG or GSA, maybe they have resources that could help you?

(*hug*) Hang in there.

 

Again, I don't want to "root" for your mom or anything, but for one, she isn't gay, so she has had no understanding of it. You say that you've had "a talk" about it. How about next time she says it, you instigate another discussion about it, to let her know how you feel and what it's like on your side of the fence. It's obvious she cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you or she wouldn't backtrack. Maybe she still doesn't know what to say.

And if she is still a bit iffy about it, just remember something that someone told me; you've had your whole life to get used to it, and she's had much less time to get to your level of acceptance. Give it time. Like I said, it's plain to see that she does care, so she'll come around.

 

That does sound really frustrating. Some of the other posters are right, she has had less time to get used to it, but it is still annoying. If she does it again, you could always ask 'are you still sure you're straight?' Then follow that with 'Sexuality doesn't just change overnight, you might come to a better understanding of your sexuality, but it doesn't change. I am gay, always have been gay, and always will be gay. If it does change, I'll let you know. Until then, these questions make me feel as though you doubt me which makes me feel as though you don't trust me. It took me a while to come to terms with it myself, I never would have told you until I was completely sure...' Of course, that might not be all true for you so modify it, or disregard it if you want. That's what I would say if I was in that station though... Also, make sure you don't let an edge creep into your voice, that might put her on the offensive. Just explain calmly.

 

It sounds to me she genuinely doesn't understand homosexuality, and has been somewhat misinformed. There are people who for a while think they might be gay, or at least somewhat bi, during their teenage years, but they generally don't go to the trouble of coming out. If someone's out for as long as you seem to be, you can take it that they are gay. Maybe you should try to explain it in those terms to her.

Possibly also try to find some scientific work on lesbianism, such as the ways in which lesbians can have certain physical traits closer to men than most other women can. You might know yourself which of these are applicable to yourself.

I think many people still think homosexuality (or sexualities in general different from hetero-) has psychological causes, so that it was just some bad experiences when you were younger that's made you a lesbian, and that if you just met the right boy you'd be straight. Next time she hints at being unsure about this, you could try this approach, explain it to her, or else it'll be another few years before she thinks you might grow out of it.

 

I wouldnt say my mum is exactly the same, but i understand where you are coming from. I hinted it to my mum at first, then the hints became SO obvious, like the same way you watched movies with here and point out what girls are attractive. Then The hint became "IM NOT ATTRACTED TO MEN" and still she continued to ask if i had found a potential husband. Then finally i just said it. I said "IM GAY!" and she was like "your not gay!....are you?" after hint after hint after obvious hint! now after i finally thought she gets it, she said something the other day about finding the right man...and i said "women" and she was like "or women, whatever" and i said "no, women" and then she said "i thought you didnt know for sure yet?" and i was like "mum, i know! ive told you!" etc etc so i understand, and now all i do is politely and calmly correct her. it is frustrating, but as you get older i think your mum will finally get it into her head. All she cares about is if you are happy. she likes men, and i think its harder for her to grasp a hold of why you dont. But yeah i would just give her more time!

Good luck!

 

Give her time. I know you have figured out at a very young age and I think it's great you're comfortable with yourself. But you mother needs to adjust herself to the idea you're not going to fit with the idea of what she wanted for you.
That doesn't mean she doesn't love you. In fact I am sure she does and that she is trying her best to get used to the idea her baby is becoming a woman, and a lesbian woman.
I guess it must be annoying, but please be patient.
Everytime she asks you if you're really sure you're really gay it's a bit like a 6 years old girl asking her mother if she's really sure Santa doesn't exist. She knows, but she still wish things could be different.
I'm sure she'll finaly be ok with this, with time. And once again, the fact she asks doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

 

I'd be willing to bet that that is at least part of it. And I think it is great that you are trying to understand where she is coming from, even if it does frustrate you. Maybe you could try approaching her sometime when she is seeming pretty accepting of you and just talk to her about how it makes you feel when she questions you about this. Remind her that you are sure of who you are and just tell her how you feel and what you want from her (whether it be that you want her to accept that you are growing up and know who you are or that you just don't want her to question you on this issue or whatever it is you want) and see what happens.

 

As a few people have said, it takes time for parents to get used to the idea of having an LGBT child. I think (although the only evidence I have is anecdotal) that mothers often find it harder to have a lesbian daughter, or fathers find it harder to have a gay son... maybe because they find it harder to identify with their child's experiences, and also because it is easier to for them to plan out their children's lives if they are the same gender.
That's the way it is with my parents, anyway. My homosexuality is something that we don't discuss... not after the 'big talk' about it, anyway. But little things give away that my mother is more accepting of me being gay than my father is. When I first came out (at the age of 21), he asked if I was sure, and if it was just a phase. And then a few months later, he said, "Do you still think you're gay?" My mother, on the other hand, accepted what I told her at face value.
So my advice would be to talk with your mother when you both have plenty of time, and you're both calm, etc, and let her know that it isn't a phase, that this is who you are and who you are attracted to, and gently let her know that you don't like it when she asks questions that imply she doesn't really believe you (you say you're a lesbian, and she keeps asking "are you sure?"). Tell her that you went to the trouble to come out to her precisely because you wanted to be truthful with her... this is the truth.

 

I know how you feel well it is not my mom who is doing it, but instead my brother he is constantly trying to "ungay" me for a lack of a better word and it does get very very frustrating he even tried to set me up with on of his guy friends once very annoying. But honestly your family members mom's, dad's, brother's etc all grow up with the traditional heterosexual idea in there head and they automatically assume that you are going to get married to a guy have babies and live a happy heterosexual life, it really is not their fault because sadly the world is pretty much built on heterosexual ideas, so when one of their family members identify's as a homosexual it takes time for them to process it it may be years before they do because they have to change their whole way of thinking so by your mom constantly asking you if you are gay it might be her way way of processing it and it may take her a while but i am sure she will eventually stop.

I know it is frustrating, but you can always look on the bright side that she still loves you and is trying the best she can to accept it and at least you still have a mother, daughter relationship with her, try and not to get to mad at your mom and best of luck with it