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Coming out to my mom? Halp?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ciel, Jan 28, 2010.

  1. Ciel

    Ciel Guest

    I've been wanting to tell my parents that I was gay for probably around a year now but can't find the courage to actually come out and say it. I figured it might be easier to go one parent at a time, starting with my mom. I'm pretty reason that they will be perfectly accepting and have at least suspected something, my brother also told me I should do it and it'd be fine. Even with that throughout all the opportunities I've had I can't seem to bring myself to bring up the subject or say any thing, I'm really not the type to talk about these kind of things and I'm not spontaneous at all, I always overthink things...I've tried really hard with trying to convince myself that there isn't any problem since I really can't see any, but something in me is just holding me back. My dad has been out of town for nearly a week now which brought me to the conclusion that this is a great chance to tell my mom, but I don't think I'll be able to spit it out tomorrow. So, I was thinking I might write her an e-mail tonight telling her and...I dunno xD. I would've liked to do this in person, but maybe I can just ask her to approach me to talk about it...not really sure...any suggestions or advice on the situation?
    Sorry if this is somewhat scattered, I kind of just type whatever part I'm thinking about at the moment...
     
  2. Zumbro

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    It sounds like you've got things pretty well figured out on how you want to do this actually. If you tell her in the email, or just ask her to come talk to you about something important, the message goes through either way. I couldn't tell my family in person either, so I ended up writing a letter. I figured it was better to get it out in a more remote way than to keep it hidden.
     
  3. Jim1454

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    I know it seems incredibly difficult to bring up this issue. We've all been there. "How do I just blurt out 'I'm gay'?"

    Instead, start the conversation by saying that you've got something important you want to talk about. Those words are easy. It could mean anything. Often the person you're talking to will fear the worst, and telling then that you're 'just' gay might come as a relief!

    Good luck with it. Telling our parents is hard. It was hard for me at 36!
     
  4. Sylver

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    I'll offer you my personal opinions. Take them for what they are worth, because everone is different.

    I prefer telling people in person. To me a letter or e-mail may be a little easier on us but I think it's harder on them; it makes the whole event seem impersonal. It might be hard for you to look your mother in the eye and tell her, but remember that she loves you and when she's looking back into your eyes all she will see is the son she raised and loves. Your eyes and your body language will tell her that this is hard for you and that you still want to be loved by her, and that you really do mean this. Hopefully this reduces any chance of her taking the news badly.

    Of course the big challenge with coming out in person is actually doing it when you're in the moment. That's why I'm much more a fan of "injecting" the revelation into a one-on-one conversation; it's kind of awkward to start a conversation with "Hey mom, you'll never guess what I am!" So rather than find a way to say it, I found it was easier to plant a seed in a conversation. So for example, I would start talking about an issue that is loosely related to homosexuality and then steer the conversation to a point where it seems natural to do the "I have something to tell you..." or "By the way, you do know that I'm..." Or get her talking about parents loving their children so that the conversation moves from family love to your coming out - a nice "hint hint". Or talk about someone who you both know is gay (from the movies, or a friend) and use that to get a conversation going. The idea is to dance around the topic a little at the start, looking for the ideal opening when your revelation can slide nicely into the conversation. It lowers the anxiety for you, it makes it a little more natural for her, and it cuts back a little on any tension in the air. That's how I came out to my sister, and it worked like a charm!

    Again though, all I am offering is my own experience and opinions, and there is no right or wrong way. You really should do it the way you feel is right for you and your situation.
     
  5. Ciel

    Ciel Guest

    Thanks for the advice everyone. ^_^
    I went with e-mail afterall, but I told her that we could talk about it or something tonight. Since when she got home from work and read it I was asleep she just replied in the message and man does it make me feel better.

    My favorite part of it was "Actually, when I first saw that you emailed me, I thought you were gonna say that you let the dogs in my room!! I may not have taken THAT well!!!!" xD
    But she said she was happy that I was willing to talk to her about it and include her and stuff. We'll probably talk about it a little bit later.
     
  6. Mirko

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    Congratulations on coming out to your mum. Sounds like things will be fine! Glad you could send her the e-mail and come out to her. Awesome!
     
  7. Ander Blue

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    (*hug*) Good job (!) I'm glad that she's been accepting. Hehe, I really like the thought she shouted out though. It seems to me that telling the person what they first thought the letter was about is a way to break the ice. When I gave my mom my letter, she thought I was offing myself :eek: But yah, I'm glad for you, way to go (*hug*)
     
  8. EM68

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    Good Job! Congrats. Coming out to your parents is probably of the hardest thing to do. Sounds like you have a great mom.