Loss of a Great Friend

First of all: (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
Losing a friend is never easy, and definitely not if it's under such tragic circumstances.

Whatever you do, never start overanalysing his reasons for suicide. Suicide isn't an entirely rational thing to do, so this is in no way anyone's fault. People planning to commit suicide can sometimes be so convincingly upbeat that you just can't see it coming. As long as you were a friend of his, you did all you could.

There's no miracle cure for the pain to go away, I'm afraid. And grieving can have a good effect too sometimes.
What helps for me when getting over a loss, is talking about it. Bottling it up can only build up pressure until it explodes. Letting it out is raher cathartic.
Talk to his other friends or his family about how you miss him and what he meant to you. Reminisce about the good times you had together, or even the bad, if it helps you. Even if you don't know some of his friends or family all that well, they'll be grieving too, and possibly find some comfort in talking about him too. When my dad died, there were a lot of people I didn't know all that well who suddenly talked to me about him. I think both myself and they got something out of those talks!
And if you don't have the opportunity, then maybe just try to write it down. Everything is better than bottling your feelings up.

I hope this helps a bit. do take care! (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

Sit back and cry. Look at photos. Talk to his family. Do whatever you feel the need to, and remember that it isn't your fault. Don't go out drinking though, as that won't end will when you're in a bad mood.

Also, move on with life, and have fun. He was your friend and should be remembered as such, but your life shouldn't come to a screeching halt. Remember him fondly, grieve, but don't let it consume you forever. Sadly, there's nothing that can be done about it, and you should continue to live your life to the fullest

 

You have my sincere sympathies. (*hug*)

Your friend also has my sympathies and understanding, even though he brought his life to a tragic end. It's too easy to conceal deep hurts and unresolved injuries with what seems to be an upbeat attitude, even to your best friends who know you so well. Trust me, some of our innermost demons are so well and deeply buried inside that even the person themselves may not realize what's festering away.

The real shame is that society makes it so difficult for people dealing with repressed emotional pain, especially males, to look inside and recognize what's destroying them, and then to open up to others for help. It can be as innocuous as blissful ignorance ("La la la, there's nothing wrong with me"), but it can also be as harmful as society belittling people for seeking help or for talking about it with their friends. For example males are not "supposed" to cry, when sometimes that's just the right medicine and may even expose the disease that's eating away at one's soul. We have a long way to go as a society when it comes to mental health (even that term has a stigma attached to it).

I've often wondered about a site like EC - people do open up here and expose their most private feelings and get sincere advice from genuinely caring people, but if these two people just happened to meet on the street or in class or in a grocery store, would we still be comfortable opening up like this or offering this kind of help? Humans build such solid and effective walls, and sometimes it fails some of us.

My brother-in-law committed suicide, and I still don't know why. No one ever expected it and he gave no warning. I do know that it hurt my sister greatly, along with all the other people he left behind. I don't hold it against him, though. I know he must have been burdened with something really deep and personal, and really dark. Rather than dealing with it he kept it inside until he felt backed into a corner with no other way out. I know what it's like to feel that leaving the world is the only escape from the things that haunt you. It's a scary place to be.

Mourn the loss of a good friend and give yourself every opportunity to grieve. Remember the good times, and make sure that you are there for any other people he may have left behind who are in greater need than you. But don't judge him or hold it against him. He definitely didn't do it to hurt you or any other of the people he loved.

 

I'm really sorry to hear about that.

We're taught to 'suck it up' and to 'deal with it' and 'be a man'. But the reality is that we need to lean on others once in a while. Everyone needs to understand this, so that they don't feel alone in their sadness and depression. Remaining alone is what lets the depression take us to that really dark place where we decide that we'd be better off dead. Nobody should have to go there. Nobody. It's very sad.

 

(*hug*) (*hug*)
I am really sorry to hear about your loss.
Grieving is a long and difficult process especially when the death of the person you loved is so tragic.
Don't try to hide your sorrow to others and to yourself. Talking about it with your friends and family can help, and you can be sure your friends who knew him are as devastated as you are.
Don't try to overanalyse the reason why your friend commited suicide, and don't torture yourself about how you could have prevented him to do it. You couldn't. That's a very sad and inforunate thing, but some people decide to take their own life away, and once they have taken the decision, they do whatever it takes to succeed.
One of my friends did it, and it took me years to understand that I was not to blame for this.
Do whatever helps you feeling better, everyone cope with death in their own way.
(*hug*)

 

wow i am sry losing someone close hurts but rember you do not have to do this alone you have your parents and friends, also do not think it is your fault cuz it never it. but all of the great time you two spent together they will never die

 

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Suicide and depression are rarely rational. I, suffering from depression, know that neither is ever really something that can be completely understood, especially by the person who suffers from it. I truly hope that you don't feel as if it is in any way your fault. Please, don't believe that it is. If anything, your existence as a friend or even an acquaintance would have helped him in some very significant manner while he was still alive. I know that every one I know is often what keeps me going on a dark day.

As said before me, do what makes you feel comfortable and remember the happy times you had with them. From your description it seems as if there were many of them. Be glad for the happy times you spent with them, because I am sure that they too were glad for the happy times they had too. I wish you luck in your journey to recovery and I hope you know that you, and all those affected by his death, are not alone. We, although strangers, do care about you and your situation and so do many others in your life, and theirs.

Take care, and best of wishes.

Simon

 

I was friends with a kid since I was three months old. His family and mine went camping, skiing, hiking and to each others houses all the time. He was on student council, great athletically, smart, funny, friends with everyone... He killed himself too. That was last may...
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. After I found out, I moved into the basement crawl space. I slept there for over a month, so I could be in a small, dark, cold place. To me, it was a comfort place (though it may not sound like that at all, I like it...). I cried myself to sleep that whole time. I was a total mess. None of my friends knew him, he was a grade younger and didn't go to the same school or even live in the same area as any of us which made it really hard.
I would just say lead on your friends, helping you get through good or bad times, that's what they're for. Don't shut yourself out, but take time for yourself too. Talk about it when you can, don't force yourself though... Cry, alone, with friends, with strangers, at home, at the mall, whatever, just cry. Let yourself grieve but don't absorb yourself it in. I'm sorry you have to go through this, and you will get through this, it sucks I know, but you will.