Help with coming out letter to roommates

I think you're writing this letter as though you're having an actual conversation with them. Trouble is, conversations don't read as well as they write. Letter Writing 101 says that you tell people what your letter is about, then you say everything that's inside, and finally you close by summarizing. I know this isn't a formal letter, but there's a reason that this structure works.

Just as my suggestion, what if you were to start it off like this (modify it to your own words);

"Guys, I need to tell you that I'm gay. I want you to know why it's important to me that you know, and why it's been so hard for me to tell you this.

Just months ago this would have been incredibly..."

And then put the rest of it after this, adjusted of course. Trust me, you are much more likely to hold their attention and get them to read the bulk of your story if you grab them with the headlines right from the start.

 

Okey dokey - I've just looked over all your thread, and here's what I think...

-Definitely bring about the context of the letter sooner. JamesENL brought up a good point on that one. It helps the reader to understand what's happening in the letter. Your roommates may get lost in what the whole thing is about while they're reading through the relationships and other high school life stuff.

-I like how you told them straight out, that this is who you are. You're not phasing or anything, you've just been hiding it. That's good. I've not had any friends ask me about it, but my sister was absolutely convinced that I was just going through a phase at one point. It's important to set the people straight the first time you have the chance.

-Also, I sorta liked the way Mirko rearranged the letter. It might seem scary saying you're gay so early on in the letter - that your roomies might just drop the letter and give up at that point. Let me tell you though, that that is not going to happen. I went through his version and altered more of it - but I hope it helps. I made a few guesses on the way you felt, but nothing so much that they can't be fixed with a thesaurus. I hope I've helped, and I wish you the best (*hug*) You're going to do fine, and it will all be okay


Hi everyone,

I’m writing this letter because I want to let you know something about myself. I find it important that you are aware of this aspect of me because I want to be myself around you, and I don't want to feel like I have to hide my true self from you.

What I want to tell you is I'm gay. Admitting this just a couple of months ago, whether it would have been verbal or in writing, would have been incredibly difficult for me. However, I have finally collected the confidence and courage to tell you.

Growing up, I’ve had issues with relationships no matter their type, be it with dating a girl, holding on to friends, or getting along with my family. In each, I have always tried to play a part that allowed me to fit in and not cause a disturbance. Evidently though, things never felt right. I have always tried to make things work the way I thought they should, but I constantly felt something within me trying to speak out. I wouldn’t let this voice be heard though. It seemed so alien and foreign, there was no way that it could have been my own. So I continued to try to live as “normal” a life as I could. After some time, I took a look back on my life and noticed that I was still dealing with issues that I continued to have over and over again. I decided it was time to finally take action and do something about it, something that I knew would work. Slowly, I began to accept and see myself for the person I really am.

Nearly a year has passed since I began the process of coming to terms with my sexuality. The process has entailed accepting myself for who I am and admitting that I needed help, both in trying to understand and believe it. It has been an up and down emotional roller coaster with plenty of terrifying drops. Now though, I have finally achieved it and come to be comfortable enough with myself to tell you this. This whole journey of self acceptance has finally led me to learn that it is a part of who I am, and I cannot change that nor do I want to.

There is far too much personal history to fit in one letter, and as such I am open to any and all questions you may have, be they about anything you are uncertain of. Please keep this between us though. I am not quite ready to tell my family, especially my parents. I want you to know that I am still the same person, now you just know a little bit more about me. I dearly wish that everything can remain the same as it has been between all of us, but I understand how sometimes it can affect people negatively. I hope though, that this can be a positive thing for all of us.

Your friend,
Owly...

 

I am no fan of letters, but to each, his own.

I do recommend in these cases to stick to the facts. Personal tidbits need not be included.

Here's what I would write:

"Hey guys, wanted to let you know something: I'm gay.

I do hope this changes nothing among us. If I can answer any questions, please feel free to ask me - I'm open for discussion.

Warm regards,
<<your name>>"

 

I give my good friends Mirko and Ander Blue an A+ in Letter Writing 101!

 

whoa, just reread my draft and I can't control myself - the believe in the third line of the fourth paragraph should be believing.... xD

 

What?! :tantrum: OK, just for that you're going down... to an A-!!

(JK - hard on yourself much??)

 

to each his own and if this is information they need/deserve/should know thats cool. In that case i would just keep it simple and leave out the more personal info just get it down to a just thought you should know encase thing.

Otherwise if i where in your shoes i wouldn't worry about a letter. Just be yourself, if it comes up tell the truth if they don't bring it up assume they do not care.

For example today i was with a bunch of guys and my ringtone goes off (Bad Romance xD also have had beautiful dirty rich ringtone go off in middle of class xD) they all laugh and go "really wtf" and i respond "Yes really i love it xD" let them infer or do whatever and just be yourself. Of course this also depends how open you are (i am out to EVERYONE just that some people must not have heard about the changed relationship/orientation status).

One way or another it will work out to something where you will do something "gay" and they will be like "wtf" and you simply be like "oh you did know i was gay right?" i think this also eliminates any issue of them acting differently towards you before they really get to know you. If they have known you a while i think telling them face to face would be better for you and them.

once again im not dissing the letter its just my 2 cents about stuff everyone handles stuff differently and to each there own. Hope it goes well no matter what

 

That was great. Well worded, left it open for them to discuss, and you didn't present it as a problem at all, just a fact. The only part I might worry about is the last few sentences where you talk about how it can affect people negatively. Though it is true, I think you'll find that your friends will be more accepting than you think, even if it takes them a bit of time. Perhaps replace "I understand how this can sometimes affect people negatively" with something like "I know it's hard for some people to understand"

Great letter though. Leaps and bounds better than the novel you were going to write before(*hug*)

 

I'm so excited for you!!!! I hope everything goes super fantastic! (!)

Sorry about the negative part too. I had never thought about it the way that Mirko and Zumbro had put it. Maybe something like this will work...

I'm so jittery and psyched for you!!! (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

Good Luck! Let us know how it goes!!

 

Good luck, thats a big step. Let us know how it goes!

 

holy cow, what a great group effort. congrats to all. i love ec, and this is a prime example why. what wonderful people.

 

How did it go??