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I'm Back. But not better.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Doreibo, Jan 29, 2010.

  1. Doreibo

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    Hi Every one.

    From some of my previous posts it can be said that I have a running course of depression. This is true. I haven't felt overly depressed in quite some time which is a great improvement from my previous, and sometimes sudden and violent, outbreaks of depression. I have previously managed to hide it and control these outbursts relatively easily since the often occurred before I fell asleep. As of late however, although they do not occur with such frequency of ferocity, they have begun to find root in even my every day life. It doesn't seem, in my opinion, as if it is very serious, however it has been affecting my way of life in some small and often unnoticeable manner.

    Having said that, recently due to the summer holidays (southern hemisphere) I have had a lot of free time, and often spent them by myself, either playing games, reading books, watching anime/manga, or studying. I suppose due to the increase in freedom and time has allowed me more time to think and often dwell in places I know aren't quite healthy. I recently returned to school and have begun my final year in Highschool and have to undergo the normal life of a HSC (Higher School Certificate) student (Which is basically the final exams which get me into University or such). I'm sure that with such a hectic lifestyle that I won't have such trouble with my depression, however I'm afraid of the possibility of my previous outbursts appearing again, and those were much worse than what I experienced in the Holiday Period.

    I'm not sure what to do to be honest. I want to just wade through it and finish this year on a good note, if that means having to ignore the problem I would gladly accept this burden. But if there is an easier way to manage my problems then I would jump upon the opportunity. I want to have this year generally unaffected by my problems so I can attain a high mark for my ATAR (Pretty much a VERY important score for my CV and Uni application). I have a trip to Japan to look forward to after my HSC along with the freedom of finishing school. However, I want to plan ahead of that, ahead to the foreseeable future. I want to live a happy life, one where I don't have to be burdened by this. A long term solution. Unfortunately, like most teenagers, I'm completely lost. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I look forward to any advice, and I thank you for putting up with my ranting and reading to the end. Sorry if my grammer is poor and my spelling too. I'm using Australian English, and can't be bothered to proof read my post, and to be fair it is 1am over here.

    Once again, seeking help from my online companions.
    Thank you.

    Simon
     
  2. SolitaryKnight

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    It sounds like stress is a trigger for you bouts of depression. You sound very worried about your perfomance at school, and I know from experience that when you feel like you need to ace an exam or your life may come to a halt is a very stressful thing. My advice, you need to know that no matter the outcome, that you will be fine. Don't let the stress overwhelm you, remember that things will go on even if you fail. I'm not an expert with depression, so I can't say for sure what will keep you from falling back into it. Life goes on no matter what happens, and all you can do is find the path that will make you happy.
     
  3. Sylver

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    Hi Simon! I come from a family with hereditary depression. I had it when I was younger, but luckily I haven't had it again for years. My sisters both had depression, one really badly. It was actually pretty horrible to watch her going through it. But she saw her doctor about it and he put her on a treatment program, and also got her to see a good therapist. She's been totally free of depression for years now. She is enjoying her life, and it doesn't rear its ugly head any more. I wouldn't say she's cured, but she has it totally under control and it no longer rules her life at all.

    Take this to heart - clinical depression can be managed perfectly with the right combination of medical and/or psychological care. The trick is to get that care, which I know can be hard for a person suffering from depression. It means first accepting that you have depression, then telling someone in your family so you can get the help you need, and then finally opening up to someone who can do something about it.

    Luckily depression is much better understood these days than it used to be. There is no longer any stigma attached, and it is recognized by pretty much all doctors as a treatable medical condition. So the place to start would be with your family physician. Go specifically for this purpose, and tell him/her that you need help dealing with periodic depression. They will assess your condition to determine a course of action that's right for you, which will lead to treatment and finally control!

    Don't waste your life on depression - it's totally unnecessary and it's not worth it. Get help now so you can move on to become the great person you're destined to be!
     
  4. Jim1454

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    ^ Excellent advice.

    Keeping your doctor and parents informed is a good thing to do. There is help out there. You don't need to figure everything out on your own.

    Also, don't worry about your grammar and the fact that it's Australian English. We all get it. I'm not sure there's a difference really. And that comment really suggested to me what might be at the root of some of your depression...

    Perfectionism.

    I'm a victim as well. At least I think I used to be. Worrying about the past and / or the future can really drive you crazy. More energy simply needs to be directed at 'today'. Time spend thinking about the future can be a waste - which robs you of an opportunity to make the most of the 'now'.

    You do need to have a bit of a plan. And having an objective to do as well as you possibly can is good. But then you need to focus on what you need to do today to achieve that plan.
     
  5. Doreibo

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    Thank you all for your advice. I don't believe stress is the cause of my depression, rather it is an affect of my depression. Nor is my perfectionism a source of my depression. I am a bit of a perfectionist, however that only ever comes out when I'm doing stuff like ruling lines, doing oragami, or drawing a picture. Apparently it appears when I'm sleep deprived too. I think JamesENL understands the best, however there is a problem with your advice I'm afraid. I am well aware of and accept my depression and I have told a family member. The problem is that they don't understand. Depression may be widely understood, but there is an exception to every rule. :frowning2:

    After getting shut down like that I haven't plucked up the courage to tell any one else.
     
  6. Revan

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    I know you might not be contemplating it, and I really hope this doesn't make you contemplate it...but please don't take your life. I just lost a friend to it....and please don't even thinko f that specific course.
     
  7. Doreibo

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    Hi Revan

    No worries I won't. I posted on that last night. Once again, sorry for your loss. I know that if i were to commit suicide I would hurt too many people I hold dear to me. I wouldn't want them to have to go through what you unfortunately are.
     
  8. Sylver

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    Hey Simon, you're going to learn that I won't give up on you very easily! And that's what I suggest for you as well - don't throw away the chance to fix this because you hit a speed bump on the road.

    I wish that my comment about people understanding depression better was a global comment, but it isn't. I really meant the professional world, specifically the health care profession. They are trained to understand depression and to solve it. Unfortunately, this can't be said of the rest of the world, and family is probably at the bottom of the list.

    I'm going to let you a little further into my family's world. When my sister started having problems with her depression, my parents had no idea how to react. My mother kept telling her to just "cheer up" and stop being so mopey, that it was starting to bring my mother down. (?!) That only made it worse for my sister who just went into a deeper depression because of this. So then my mother tried to invoke her freaky religious beliefs, telling my sis that she was depressed because she didn't believe in Jesus enough. I bet you can guess how much that helped.

    And my dad was also totally unhelpful. He also didn't understand depression and tried to avoid it altogether. He preferred not to talk about it, or he'd just act like it wasn't a problem (ignoring the elephant in the room, so to speak), as my sister was wasting away.

    So it doesn't surprise me a bit that you have family that doesn't understand. That's not what I was talking about. You need to see a professional. For my sister, it was the family doctor. He recognized the problem immediately, and set her on a course of treatment that worked.

    I also agree with others here that if your family doesn't understand and won't help you by getting you to the family doctor, then another good option is a school/uni counselor. They are usually free, and you won't need your parents involved. They may not be the answer themselves, but they're capable of finding you the help you need because they have the proper resources at their disposal.

    Please don't give up on this. You have a long and productive life ahead of you, and untreated depression will mess with it.