I don't think the "fight" is whether I'm gay or straight anymore, but more along the lines of "How do I want to live my life?" If love is involved down the road, I'd like to leave that chance and those details to fate. I could love anyone, but if it's not what makes me feel alive, or if it's not someone that I want to get up in the morning for, then what's the point? A partner in crime or just another partner in line? - where do I get off making the distinction between someone I love and someone I loved last night? I'm headed for a lonely streak, and I need to deal with it.
I warn you, this answer is coming from a hopeless romantic! I have to believe that in the end we're all looking for a serious meaningful relationship. I can't picture someone finding lasting happiness with an endless chain of different lovers each night. Most men in the heterosexual world eventually settle down with one woman, and I do believe that it's the same in the gay world too. You actually do sound like you know what you're looking for. You want someone who makes you feel alive and who you want to get up in the morning for. Those are pretty good criteria for validating whether or not you're with the right person. But why leave it to chance and fate? I've been called a fatalist before, but even I believe that we do exercise some control over our lives. If you're expecting to get nothing but one-night stands, then that's likely what you'll get. Setting your sights on a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that you'll find one right around the corner, but it does increase your odds and it keeps you away from things that will lower your odds of finding lasting love. The distinction between someone you love and someone you loved last night is up to you to make. Unless you've left your world entirely up to chance, then just by the signals you send, the places you hang out, or the people you associate with, your hand is on the rudder of the ship. Where you steer it is pretty much up to you.
Perhaps you're right - I'll have a life with someone eventually. Recent events though, have driven me away from that idea. I feel as though I don't mind the meandering right now. I know deep down I want someone (which hurts) but as a kind of barrier, I've given up on looking or expecting them to come along. There are a lot of things I could be doing for myself right now, and while a great relationship could most likely do me the greatest good, I just don't feel it's a realistic approach to my life. I don't actually sleep with guy after guy, but the opportunities have been there, and I don't want to get sucked into it. I sound pretty miserable, eh? JamesENL, hopeless romantic, I hope you're right.
I think there's a difference between romantic and pure physical chemistry. It's hard to discern between the two or a combination of the two at times though. It can depend on the two people, how they met, why they met (ie: was it a blind date or just by chance etc), or where they are in their life (ie: on the career fast track or looking for a longterm partner etc). You know something I've always found.. I've searched, and searched (dating sites, through friends etc), for dates and I come up empty handed or with bad chemistry dates. And then... soon after I stop searching, I see her. This has happened to me a few times. I don't know if it's just something that happens to work in my life, but give it a try maybe? Focus on yourself and bettering your life to improve or make it positive and maybe a guy'll cross your path and you'll be like 'wow'..
I think there's a difference between romantic and pure physical chemistry. It's hard to discern between the two or a combination of the two at times though. It can depend on the two people, how they met, why they met (ie: was it a blind date or just by chance etc), or where they are in their life (ie: on the career fast track or looking for a longterm partner etc). You know something I've always found.. I've searched, and searched (dating sites, through friends etc), for dates and I come up empty handed or with bad chemistry dates. And then... soon after I stop searching, I see her. This has happened to me a few times. I don't know if it's just something that happens to work in my life, but give it a try maybe? Focus on yourself and bettering your life to improve or make it positive and maybe a guy'll cross your path and you'll be like 'wow'.. But in the case of 'one night stands' or 'possible dates', a good indicator is "good flow of conversation, common interests and you (and him) wanting to hang out more after you first meet (to get to know each other better and possibly date of course " )
^ Isn't she brilliant?! She's right, sometimes the best way to find something is not to look too hard for it. There has to be some truth to the saying "A watched pot never boils". Just be receptive to the possibility that someone may come along that's just right for you rather than dismissing them out of hand or starting with the bias that they're only looking for a one night stand. There are lots of good "lifetime" gay guys out there looking for a lasting relationship (I know of at least one, cough, cough).
wow! its like, you just read my mind! what I did to get over this , was -meditation...!oh ya! that helped....!
Looking for a serious relationship already? Alot of the people I know are in relationships, whether they are as serious as you want them to be is another question. It is completely normal to still be single or not that lucky to the late twenties so to be honest, at 22 there is no rush. Take things back a notch and just coast for a while. Love isn't necessarily something you find, but something you make between two. As James and Rae have said, just act normal, become friends before boyfriends, and just go with the flow. A second date is always a good sign. Good luck!
I don't have much to add to the topic, everything I would say has already been said - however I'd like to say the first post/original post is one of the more poetic things I've read in my life. I hope you find what, or who, you're looking for.
