1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My poor mom...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Dtownandrew, Feb 2, 2010.

  1. Dtownandrew

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2010
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Sorry folks, this is going to be kind of a rant. I've never expressed my feelings about this subject, but last year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She went from being seemingly healthy and happy, to having no hair and essentially dying in a matter of weeks.

    Long story short, she had a shitty year. After a few scary trips to the emergency room and a lot of chemo, my mom finally started to feel better over the summer. Thanks to some fraud by the CEO of her company and the FDIC, she lost her job right around the time she started to get herceptin shots. If it hadn't been for the new cobra laws enacted recently, we would have lost everything.

    Recently though, things started to look up. My mom got a new job, all of her reconstruction finally ended, and she finally felt stable enough to buy a new car. But yesterday she went to the doctor and found out that she has "abnormal growths" and cycsts on her ovaries. The doctor said that these were likely a result of the aggressive cancer treatments my mom went through. The result is that she now has to have a hysterectomy.

    I guess I feel guilty. My brother and I did everything for her when she had cancer, and now that we're away at college, this is going to be left up to my mom's parents, friends, and her boyfriend. I wouldn't be so worried if I knew that she was only going to have to have a hysterectomy, but because the biopsies haven't been determined as non-cancerous yet, I'm really worried that this might turn into a repeat of last year. It makes me feel sick :bang:
     
  2. The Paradigm

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2010
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eugene
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My condolences. (*hug*)

    Make every day, every minute spent on her worth cherishing.
     
  3. RaeofLite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2009
    Messages:
    1,344
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    (*hug*) I'm so sorry Andrew. :frowning2:

    I thought my mom was going to die last summer too and even though we didn't have the best relationship (at the time), I felt sick and horribly sad that she was going to leave our family.

    Is there a way you can talk to a therapist or counsellor at your school? your college campus should have a health and wellness counsellor as well so feel free to use those resources.

    Like Paradigm mentioned, make every day count. Spend time with her, play games with her (if she likes board games for example). If she gets sick, read to her. Things like that can help you connect. And let her know you love her. Tell her.
     
  4. Connor22

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2009
    Messages:
    1,053
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Norn Iron
    aww man that sucks (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

    I wish you and her the very best of luck Hope she gets better!
     
  5. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey Andrew! I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. (*hug*) (*hug*)

    I would definitely echo, talking with someone at your college. Have an outlet for all of your worries. If you feel that it would help, ask your college if you can get a approved leave of absence so to be with your mum. Talk to your mum. During this time it is important that you all are there for each other.

    There is nothing to feel guilty about. You have helped out in the past and I am sure you will help out again. Take comfort in that your mum is surrounded by oncologists and doctors.

    From experience, it isn't the greatest thing having to wait for tests results, and wondering what is going to happen. But know that things will work out Andrew. (*hug*)
     
  6. gaz83

    gaz83 Guest

    Sorry to hear about your mums illness. I send my best wishes to you and hope everything will turn out okay for you and your family.
     
  7. Eleanor Rigby

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,767
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    France
    I am really sorry Andrew (*hug*)
    I totaly understand that you are worried and you are welcome to rant about it and create as much thread about it as you want if it helps you.
    You don't have to feel guilty. You have a life too, and that's normal that you are at college and can't be with her all the time now. That doesn't mean you don't cherish her, and I'm sure she knows this.
    And I am sure that the people around her who love her are going to take good care of your mum.
    I hope everything is going to be fine and that she is going to get well soon.
    Many (*hug*)
     
  8. Sylver

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2010
    Messages:
    934
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kenora, Ontario
    My mom also had breast cancer, so I can relate to some of what you're going through. It's tough watching someone you love go through something so horrible. It can be such a roller coaster for her and for the people who love her, and it sounds like you're on that kind of a ride right now.

    Be aware of the toll this may be taking on you. It's natural to worry about her and to invest yourself in her welfare, but you also have to recognize your own needs through this process. Cancer not only affects the person afflicted with the disease, it also affects all of the people that love him/her.

    Worrying about her is natural, but you need an outlet for it. As the others have suggested, you would do well to talk to a counselor at your college, if only to have someone who will provide a compassionate ear for you. You do need to avoid guilt, though, because it is capable of negatively affecting your life, and you can bet that your mother will want you to grow up and be a strong person who achieves everything you're meant to.

    Again, talk to someone who can give you good advice on how to be there for your mother (even remotely), plus to make sure that you are coping with this as well.

    Best of luck to the both of you! (*hug*)
     
  9. Z3ni

    Z3ni Guest

    Sorry bout your mum (*hug*).. my dad had cancer too but we found out too late.
     
  10. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    (*hug*)

    Lex
     
  11. The Paradigm

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2010
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eugene
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I forgot to mention that happiness is statistically proven to increase the health and lifespan.