The fact that Empty Closets exists is testament to the fact that coming out is a major step in most gay and lesbian peoples lives. I was wondering what steps I had gone through in deciding to come out and arrived at the following seven questions all of which I needed to answer with a ‘yes’ before I took the step: 1. Are you sure you are homosexual and that you desire a loving, sexual relationship with a person of your gender (even if you have not yet been in such a relationship)? 2. Are you happy to identify yourself as gay or lesbian? 3. Do you understand the social stigma that can follow when you openly identify yourself as gay or lesbian, and possess the confidence to deal with it? 4. Are you happy to be considered a part of a minority group that has historically been discriminated against in most societies? 5. Are you prepared for, and confident you can deal with, the varying reactions you will get from family, friends, colleagues and peers when you come out, knowing that some might be very negative? 6. Are you sure that coming out is your choice, and yours alone? 7. Do you feel you will be safe from harm and abuse when you come out? The order of the questions is intentional. It can take a long time to get to a ‘yes’ to all of them. I could answer question one when I was in my early teens, but it took me much longer to say yes to question two. Having got past that one, I slowly worked through the rest, building the confidence to answer all with a ‘yes’. Only then did I come out. I would love to get any reactions to this. Take care Malc
I think for me, when I realized number 1 was true I had to start coming out to get the rest to be true. I'm in the process of coming out and I find that with each person I come out to I can answer 'yes' more confidently for questions 2-7.
1. Yes. 2. Most times. 3. Unfortunately. 4. Can't be helped. 5. Yes. 6. Absolutely. 7. Not always. When coming out, you should expect some measure of losses and other problems. However, it's not all dark clouds. But at first, it can definitely seem that way.
1. Yes, There is nothing i would like more 2. I do 3. Well i haven't really dealt with any from my friends, a little bit of friendly jokes but nothing major 4. When you're in a minority i guess the thing you need to do is embrace it 5. You can never be 100% ready for people's reactions but if they love you then it shouldn't matter 6. It's not really a choice IMO i think it's something every gay person has to do as it helps them identify with themselves more 7. There are always going to be people who don't like you because of it but they don't matter
1. Yes 2. The only time I've ever come close to feeling ashamed to be gay was when I had to sign a form permanently forbidding me from giving blood. 3. Yes, mostly 4. I wish we weren't discriminated against, but I feel that it solidifies the fact that we did not choose our orientation. 5. So long as I have my friends, always. 6. Mhmm 7. Depends on who I'm coming out to. Interestingly, I didn't prepare anything special for my coming out. I simply said, "I'm gay," and that was that. 'Course circumstances kinda forced it out of me when my mom found my porn stash. >>;
1) I'm in a relationship with someone of the same gender and it is one that I definitely fully desire, although I'm not sure if I'm totally homosexual. 2) No. But maybe someday. 3) Yeah, but I never really gave a damn what society (which is mainly a large population of people who don't know me) thought of me. 4)Well when you word it that way, who on earth would be happy with that? I guess it's nice knowing that there are communities of people who know what you're going through though. 5) Yes. It's very easy for me to emotionally disconnect from people I don't find agreeable and shut them out. 6) Yes. 7) Not always.
1. Yep, I am definately homosexual. the thought of being with a man in a sexual and loving way gives me butterflies in my stomach. 2. Yes, I'm very happy to identify as gay. 3. Yes, I do understand the stigma. Bigots infuriate me, though. 4. Yes I am. I think the GLBT community is awesome. 5. In some ways I'm prepared, in some ways no. To be perfectly honest, I'm only out to a few few members of my family (parents included) and my friends. I really have no plans to come out to my very religious relatives. I guess I just don't want to deal with what their reaction willl surely be. 6. Yes, it's my personal choice to come out, nobody else's. 7. Yes, I don't think anybody in my life would abuse me for it. At least I hope not.
