Hi everyone, My name is Sebastian, I am new to EmptyClosets, my boyfriend referred me here, some of you may have known him once - his username was Beebo. Anyways, our relationship is going awesome, and he's so sweet and wonderful and sexy, so I know its not his fault, but I have some serious libido problems... I just don't have the urge to have sex, or do anything. I'm not a virgin, so its not a first timer thing; and the problem has affected me since I was young- I just never seem to get sexual urges... I possibly get the desire to masturbate once a week. I'm afraid it might be affecting our relationship. If anyone knows anything, or could pass me any advice at all, that would be amazing. Thanks, Sebastian.
Have you talked to a doctor about this? For some their may be a medical reason. I've also heard there is also a portion of the asexual community that is exclusively romantically attracted to the same sex just not physically. I don't know if that fits with you. Anyway, this is definitely a good place. The advice here is usually superb. Best of luck.
I havent talked to a doctor about this, but I have already made an appointment, this week actually, hopefully she will have some answers. I definitely have no sexual attraction towards women, and I do find men physically attractive so I know I am gay . Thank you for your help
Good, a doctor's visit will be needed. Low sex drive usually indicates medications or stress--are you taking or having either?
Low sex drive and you all refer him to a doctor?! Lol, wow...what is the world coming to? :lol: Tie mi up! If you don't feel like having then just don't. If you can find subs then sure (you did say u jack off once a week so no big deal ur prostate is fine ) *sigh* but seriously if you believe it is affecting ur relationship and no offence to Beebo but sex counts for something, but should never be something to affect a relationship...Its not worth it. *shrugs* just a mindful cookie to munch on :3 -Omm nUm nmH In any case, I guess the feeling cannot be helped. unless you: 1. really do want to have sex, and can't (like a senior citizen on Viagra) 2. Stressed, as said earlier, and going through a quarter-age crisis 3. feel very intimidated by your bf(for social, personal, psychological reasons I shall not mention) 4. ....I forgot four.(its too personal for public post) 5. have personal issues with roles...-get it? (I couldn't rule it out. My friend recently had this issue without knowing so...just a thought) Don't sweat it. When the time comes, it will cum and you will be over it.
Hey Alex and EC - It took me a while to figure out my password and stuff so I could speak. I really encouraged him to check out this site for advice. I don't think of sebastian any differently because of this, he is perfect either way. But a more invigorating urge for sex and things is something we both want - especially because many relationship experts believe that sex is an important part of a relationship. I am not the type to let something like this seriously affect our relationship, - but we both want any advice that would help bring us closer sensually. Sorry for the misunderstanding, haha! Thanks for all the advice so far, you guys rock! Mike
A healthy sexual relationship is very important. I will disagree with anyone who says otherwise. I might suggest that you guys talk a little more openly about what turns you both on. Is it possible that sebastian is feeling a little inhibited or nervous about some things? It doesnt sound like a physical problem. It might be a mental block. I don't believe for a moment that really anyone is asexual. we all have urges... but some people take a little more to get going. It sounds like you guys have a good relationship... it is definitely worth working on. If I had to offer one piece of advice, watch a little porn together. Talk about what turns you on and what turns you off. Most importantly, HAVE FUN!!!
I agree Scicsemper79, me and my bf have definitely talked about it, and we both want to do everything possible so that our sexual relationship gets better. We do have a good relationship, so I know that this is something that will only help, thanks for your advice Im going to sleep, i shall explain more in the morning Sebastian
Hi and welcome to EC Sebastian I completly relate to your situation. My husband has a very low sex drive too. At the beggining of our relationship, during the 2 first years, we used to have sex on regular basis but not very often. Then slowly it stopped to the point we didn't had sex at all during several years. It's fantastic that your boyfriend and you are able to talk about this calmly and that he is understanding. My husband and I certainly lacked this kind of communication when it happened to them. You did a good thing taking an appointment with your doctor. Your lack of sex-drive may come from an hormonale imbalance. If this doesn't have results, you might consider seing a therapist or a sex-therapist. My husband and I have started counseling for a few months, and it's helping. I wish you good luck Take care, Eleanor
Hi Eleanor, thank you for answering to my post. It certainly makes me feel relieved that Im not the only one who has a low sex drive. What you said about it being a hormonal imbalance makes sense, as I always have wondered if there is anything wrong with my thyroid. Now Im not a doctor so I have no idea if that would affect my sex drive at all, but it is certainly helpful that you said this because I have my doctors appointment tomorrow. Thanks once again Sebastian.
Yeah, I would definitely ask about hormonal balance. Everyone varies, sure, but masturbation urges once a week does seem kinda low for a young guy.
I have to say, you guys are an exemplary couple! Really, being so open and being able to discuss things like this so freely, I just get the sense that you two will be together for a long time. I don't have any "technical" answers for you on the libido issue so it's probably a good thing that you're going to see a doctor about it. But I think you two are setting such a fine example for everyone else on this forum about how important communication is in a relationship. Congrats! Plus I'm a sucker for romantic love, and you two just became my new role models! :icon_bigg
Our 'Beebo' (Mike) has come a long way! :icon_bigg Talking to your doctor is the best thing to do - so I hope that appointment goes well. Otherwise, welcome to EC! I too am very happy for both of you!
let us know what the dr says. i have no advise to give. i am not in a relationship right now, and my urge to masturbate is LOTS more than once a week good luck
