Okay, I'm procrastinating, but this has been on my mind and I'm wondering if anyone else is has had similar situations. Tonight will mark 3 years since I first came out to my best friend which I'll quite frankly say was hellish; came out via text and had to wait quite a long time for a reply, wouldn't advise it. But it is now 3 years later and I'm still mostly in the closet. I told 3 friends within a week 3 years ago, and its only been this last year that I've come out to another friend, and my twin. So has anyone else had these ridiculously long drawn out 'coming out' periods, does the process last much longer than 3 years? Does anyone think I need to just kick myself up the arse and get it over with, perhaps doing it all in one fell swoop is less painless.
Well it's like a band-aid. The quicker you rip it off the less pain you feel. But I mean, waiting isn't so bad either because it gives you time to gauge whether people will be okay with it. But if you know that people you know will take it fine then I say you should work on getting out completely. Just my take on it.
Hi there! For myself, it took me almost a year to come out to everyone who I felt should know. I don't think it matters as to how long you need to come out. Everyone's situation is different and that situation determines as to how fast you will be coming out. If you feel ready to come out to your family and more friends give it some thought as to whether you are ready to come out. I remember one of your earlier threads on having some fears that your coming out to your family might not go so well (if I remember it correctly). If this is the case, and you feel you are not ready for them to know, that is okay. Maybe just ask yourself, "am I ready to come out to everyone, and am I ready to deal with negative reactions?" If it is yes, then I would say give it a go. Maybe before you come out, talk to your boyfriend as well. Maybe he can give you some extra support. But again, honestly, it doesn't matter as to how long it takes you because the most important thing is that you feel comfortable and ready when coming out. That's all that matters. (*hug*)
It took me a year from the time I first came out to someone to tell everyone else in my life. Unfortunately, the last person that I told was my twin brother. He was completely fine about it, but I was really worried anyway, so I commend you on telling him so early. There's no set time on how it should take someone to come out, you can take as long as you want. However, if it's making you miserable to not tell everyone, then I would advise you to take some steps towards fully coming out of the closet.
I am doing the long drawn out process myself. The process will be as drawn out as it needs to be. On the other hand if you are in an accepting environment go for it. Good Luck Prester
Hmmm..... I'm in the very same boat. I started coming out almost 3 years ago, and since then I've let the process drag. I now see it was probably procrastination, an avoidance of facing some of the tougher challenges (like telling my parents). Unfortunately it took a sharp kick to my "mental shins" for me to realize that this wasn't doing me any good. Sitting half way between in and out isn't much better than being wholly in the ol' closet. I'd never try to suggest what's right for you, but I've decided to give myself that "kick in the arse" you're talking about. If I don't take the responsibility to make it happen, who will do it for me? The buck stops right here, with me.
For me the process started out pretty slow. I was concerned about my kids finding out before I told them, and I didnt' want to tell them right away. So for that reason I didn't come out to many people for quite a while. But I'm now over 3 years into this and all of the important people in my life know (and this is pretty much the order that I came out in): therapist doctor ex wife best friends parents sister kids extended family kids' teachers church minister church several co-workers It gets easier with time.
Thanks for the comments and advice guys. It just suddenly dawned on me how slowly this process is taking, I do feel it is something that I have to do soon, I guess I'm just trying to psyche myself up for it. I've already made decent progress, and I'm gonna just keep taking steps towards telling more people soon. I'm not worried about letting more friends know for some reason, and I've already told my brother so can see me telling my other siblings soon. I'll just have to play it by ear. Thanks again
