Hey guys, so I am wayyyyy confused right now. Recently I've gotten to know this boy named Caleb. This is one of those occasions that you just click with someone really fast- and last night, he spilled spilled his guts to me and told me that he's REALLY into me... he said some really nice things, that he likes me for the way I think and not the way I look.. but also told me he thought I was beautiful; he likes my mannerisms, my eyes.. things like that It's confusing for me because I'm a lesbian... but when we hung out last weekend, I couldn't help but feel a little bit smitten around him- perhaps because he still looks and sounds like a girl? He bought me coffee and we took a snowy walk through the woods at night and sat on this swinging bench in the middle of the woods... It's just so easy to be around him. Anyway, he's upset because he feels that because he has decided to start taking T, he's closing the doors on a lot of potential relationships Well.. we're both sort of liking each other right now- him more than me, but I do like him.. I just really don't want to hurt him. I don't want to start a relationship thinking it will work and then suddenly realize I can't be with a boy.. I mean... I identify as liking women, and he's becoming a man. Uhh... help? Opinions? :bang:
It is okay. You kind of alluded to that, I just wanted to make sure. Is he going to have gender reassignment surgery, or will he just dress more like a man? If he stays at least mostly biologically female, is that something you could work with? I would imagine he would want to get rid of his breasts. Is that something important to you? Does he want to start taking hormones to deepen his voice and grow body hair? I think it's more important that you're attracted to the person rather than the sex organs..So if you have a genuine attraction, persue it if you think it might make you happy, but at the same time, be completely and 100% honest with him.. Tell him that you like him, but don't want to hurt him. He might be willing to risk the heartache just for a chance to be with you.
Hi there! I can see how this is confusing for you, but maybe ask yourself as to whether you have 'real' feelings for him. It is possible that you are attracted to his female side and allows you to make a connection with him that way. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions from it though. Keep talking to him and continue trying to be his friend. Feelings for others can develop based on certain shared experiences or because people have gotten to know each other over a short time span. You are there for him, and it seems that he trust you enough to be open about what he is going through. Sometimes, sharing deep stuff and things that you wouldn't necessarily share with everyone, can bring out a certain emotional connection. Sometimes, it brings out the best in both people, based on which some feelings develop. As you continue to talk to him, and the friendship develops, you will be able to judge as to whether you have 'real' feelings for him. If it turns out that you do have real feelings for him, and you also feel physically attracted to him (at some point) then maybe something more is going on. Even if it turns out that you are attracted to him, and that is more than just on an emotional level, that is totally fine. Go with what feels right for you and follow your feelings on this one so to speak. Keep talking to him. Try to be there for him. You both like each other. That's a start for a great friendship! (*hug*)
I think you should take a bit of time to figure out if you like Caleb, or the girl he was born as, like others have said. Though, I know a couple and when they met they both identified as biological females and as lesbians. One of them came to realize that he was not just a butch lesbian but rather trans. That was 3 years ago and they are married now! Sometimes, this can work, sometimes it doesn't...
I had similar issues a while ago when I still thought myself straight. I was afraid that I was attracted to the born-as-female side as well, and that they wouldn't accept me for that. Well, nothing became of it, but all the confusion that the crush led to eventually piled on with other events in my life and I was forced to come to terms that I wasn't straight at all. So, I understand the confusion. Have you tried talking to them what about their plans to transition are? Communication can work wonders sometimes.
Why don't you talk to him about it. He likes you, you seem to like him (is that a fair assumption?) Mutual attraction and "just friends" don't go together too well unless you say something about it and set boundaries (or end up getting into a relationship...which happened to me) Just tip, if you end up going out, don't treat him like a chick not that I think you would, you seem a LOT less ignorant than 80%+ of the population
