Future phone call.

I just gave my sister a phone call. She did not answer so I left a message telling her I want to discuss something with her. When she calls back I'm going to tell her I'm gay.

I'm starting to feel selfish by hiding this aspect of myself. I got such a rush telling my therapist. I loved that feeling. I know it won't be an issue with my little sister since she is a self described hippie and has many gay friends.

I have lived in the shadows too long. I think it is too painful to stay in the closet any longer. I know I can tell people and if they are not cool with it I will thank them so I know I can ditch them.

After I tell my sister I'm going to start "freedom week." Freedom week will consist of me telling everyone I spend time with on a frequent basis that I am gay. I will do this in one week or less. I'm gonna try having fun with it. No sense in putting it off any more.

 

The order of things have changed. It is hard to get a hold of my sister so I figured I would tell my friend Dan tonight on the phone. I thought "Hey he won't mind."

So I get on the phone with him and ask him if he has anything he wants to talk about. He said a few things. We started talking about the blizzard that is going on and other random things. I then said "Dan I'm gay." He started laughing and asked if I'm serious. I said yes. I then start talking about other things to show him its not a big deal. Then he just said he doesn't have anything to talk about and hung up.

I'm kinda bummed now. I was certain this would not even matter with him. I might have to rethink my planned coming out week.

My status is now at three: my psych, friend Dan and his wife

 

I'm hoping his wife will talk some sense into him. Last week they came over and I started talking about equality. Basically it was just me saying how messed up the world is and that it's sad how people can treat other people. Then his wife said something I was not prepared for "Mike when are you going to come out of the closet?" Later that night I was upset that I blew a perfect opportunity.

They say honesty is the best policy but it can be frustrating. Am I the a$$hole for lying all these years about being straight?

James my sister is going to be my next. I need her for support since I can't always go see my therapist every time I step further out of the closet.

 

I got to learn to not be so hard on myself but that takes time like all good things.

I went out this afternoon to get some essentials. I'm in a pretty good mood today. It is feeling really good to be coming out to people but it can still be stressful. My choice to accept myself for who I am is probably the best thing I have done for myself. I'm looking forward to totally leaving the closet.

I was thinking about my friend Dan today. I decided I will wait to talk to him until he calls.

When I got home I saw that my phone was blinking. Dan left me a vm asking if I still want him to come over tomorrow. That made my day!! I called him back and realized he is probably at his martial arts thing so I left a message just telling him of course I want him to come over tomorrow. My intuition has not failed me!!(!)

 

I can't get a hold of my sister that I want to tell. It's a little frustrating. I did find a way to get around the frustration. I was on the phone with my other sister a little bit ago and thought "Hey why not tell her?" So I just worked it into the conversation and said "I don't want to date women anymore. I will be happiest dating men." She just said "Do what you want Mike. I just want you to be happy." That went about as smooth as it can go. I was very nervous but it feels so good to tell people the truth.

I'm happy I'm getting a good support net set up. I am catching people off guard but so far it has all been positive. Once I tell my other sister I will be able to have them backing me for when I eventually tell my parents. I'm in no rush to do that though. Just thinking about it freaks me out.

I am getting a good idea about what courage really is. The fear is still there I'm just trying to not let it affect my decisions too much.

 

Thank you.:icon_bigg

 

Thanks James. In post number one I was all pumped up and was a little deluded in thinking coming out would be easy. It is clearly a difficult thing and I don't want to get really stressed out by telling everyone in such a short period. It is scary telling people when you are unsure of their reactions.

I was able to get a hold of my other sister but she was tired so I did not bring it up. She is going to call me tomorrow but I might wait til the weekend when I'm going over to her house to play with her dogs in the snow.

I figure the most important person already knows I'm gay. Me. Only one thing has changed about myself. I'm no longer hiding from my true self. I know my sexuality does not define who I am but I'm so happy I figured it out. Life will still be hard at times but I think I can handle it.

I have a lot going for me and I see being gay as a positive. This site and all the wonderful people here have helped me immensely. I hope I can help others in some way also.

Here is my coming out/motivation song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPKQKX5JWqY

I love trance(!)