As Much As You Do It, Coming Out Doesn't Get Any Easier

Well... considering all the 'societal beliefs' that you've been taught to absorb growing up every single day of your life so far.... and then going against those... it can be hard to comprehend for yourself.

THis is why it's hard for many as a gay person to realize they are gay --and accept it., because it defies everything they've believed in to be true up to that point.

...so I think it can get easier in time, but it's different for every one. For me, it's fairly easy when I meet new people to be honest about my life (unless they give off homophobic vibes) or I'm in a work setting. Whereas if I'm speaking to someone I knew in my hometown or someone I knew growing up (who wasn't necessarily a friend), I feel a lot more guarded in what I say or how honest I am..

I don't know if that made any sense?

 

My suggestion is don't directly come out to them. Don't sit them down with the goal of coming out (I know for some people it is required though). Whenever a friend or whoever brings up a girl or something relationship-wise tell them that's not going to work for you & tell them.

 

I am in the exact same boat as you. I'm out to more people than I thought I would be in the roughly six months (wow, has it been that long already...?!) since I came out to myself.

There's really only one group I want to tell left: the half of my college friends I'm not around anymore. In that group there is another who is gay (he already knows about me) and I know that they will not have an issue at all with it.

Yet I'm still scared of it. Last time I spoke to them, my hands were nearly shaking as I tried to overcome the fear I have.

I think, however, it was Filip who told me why this is: I'm afraid of changing their perception of me. My relationship with my friends is one that I value quite a lot. It is a great one, in fact. I don't want to change it at all. Yet, in my mind somewhere, coming out to them might change it.

I just need to convince myself that that wont happen.

 

I'm in the same boat. There are a few friends I'd love to know (and a few I'm interested in) - but can never seem to find a way to work it into conversation.

 

I feel the same way. I think it is just because you never know with certainty how another person will react. In addition to that, I think I still might have a tiny bit of internal homophobia when it comes to being gay.

 

Oh yes, every time. I wouldn't worry about it, I think the butterflies are a natural part of coming out and they remind you that you're alive. I do a lot of public speaking, and the first time I got up in front of a crowd of 100 people, I was a frothing mess of drool. I've spoken hundreds of times since then in front of thousands of people, and even though I enjoy it now, I still get nervous before I go up to speak. I've learned to like that nervousness and to appreciate it; it means I'm on the ball and that what I'm about to do still matters to me. Same with coming out - the day it becomes a ho-hum event for me, I'd worry that I've lost perspective on why I'm doing it.