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Concerned about my friend...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Woot, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. Woot

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    Hello EC, it's been quite a while since I've been here. It seems that I need your advice once again.
    I have a lesbian friend who is having a lot of trouble. She is 16 and currently out to everyone at school, but she's afraid to tell her parents. She told me that she tried to come out to her parents once, but they were not accepting AT ALL, so she "jumped back" in the closet. Now her parents are giving her crap about how horrible homosexuals are. Unfortunately I cannot relate to this because my parents were okay with me being gay (for the most part). On top of that she said that she wants to tell her parents "for real" this time, even though they said they would kick her out on the streets if she was lesbian. She says that she has enough money to rent an apartment, and this worres me greatly. I don't want her to wreck her life royally, so what can I say to her. Can anyone please help me out on this one. :help:
     
  2. chrisg

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    This is a very tricky situation--closeted with parents who are not accepting of homosexuality. Luckily, I, like you, have parents who were fine with me being gay. This seems to be a matter of weighing the pros and cons. On one hand, coming out to her parents would allow her to be herself, and she wouldn't have to lie about who she is to anybody. On the other hand, she probably depends on her parents for a lot of things, even though she says she has enough money for an apartment. I mean, she is sixteen years old (no offense!), and things get complicated if someone who's not even in college yet is thrown out on the streets.

    So that's definitely something to consider: Can she hang on, put on a smile, and wait till she goes off to college or moves away? That might sound like a bad solution, but, sometimes, you need to keep everything together until you absolutely know that you can sustain yourself--and that generally doesn't happen until at least after high school.

    But perhaps some other EC members who have been in the same situation can answer a little more thoroughly. Just throwing in my two cents here.
     
  3. Woot

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    I totally agree, and this is the basis of my concerns. I mean, she should wait until college or at least after high school, but keeping a simi-secret for that long will be hard. I actually think I just answered my own question, haha. But if anyone has any more advice, I would still apreciate it.
     
  4. Mirko

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    Hi there! Knowing how her parents could or will react and given that she has in effect come out and went back into the closet, I think the suggestion to wait until she has the chance to go to college is good.

    Yes, it will be hard to keep it inside and not talk about it with her parents, but sometimes it is better to wait. Although she might have enough money to rent an apartment, there is going to be a lot more involved (in terms of expenses) than just renting an apartment.

    I think continuing to talk to her and perhaps also suggesting to her to spend as much time with her friends who accept and support her could also go a long way in bridging the time until she is really ready to move out.

    I think it would also be a good idea if she would talk to a school counselor about it. A counselor can also help her to work through related issues or any other issues that might arise out the situation that she is facing at home. Perhaps something to consider.