Frustrating.

Yes, definitly yes. I used to cut, feel better for a moment, I would even say kind of hypnotized by the blood and the pain, and then I started to feel sad and very depressed, and I started to have suicidal thought, and when I was finaly overwhelmed with these feelings I ... started to self-harm again. Welcome to the vicious circle.
Now the best thing you can do about it is, not to self-harm. Usualy oneself start to self-harm because they are depressed, and then dicover that they make them even more depressed, but can't get rid of it because it had become an addiction.
Don't let yourself trapped in this.
Talk about this to a counselor if you can, or to your doctor. They might help you to deal with your issues in an healthier way.
And you're very welcome to PM me anytime if you want to talk about it.
Take care, Eleanor

 

Cutting and self mutilation is never something that some one deserves. Not only is it unhealthy but it is the cause of your ongoing depression, head aches, and lack of concentration. Going into the scientific side of things, your loss of blood is directly linked to head aches as the blood pressure in your body is not enough to get enough blood to reach your brain, or any of your other muscles for that matter. The lack of concentration is also attributed to this as the constant pain can greatly impede ones ability to think, even if they weren't missing a litre or so of blood. Your depression could be caused by the ongoing weakness and fatigue that is caused by, once again, the loss of blood as your body starts to work extra hard to crate more blood cells to restore what you have lost, putting extra strain on your body, in addition to the lack of blood reaching your muscles. For the sake of your health and well being I strongly suggest that you stop cutting.
Please.

Now for the emotional side of things. As Mirko and Eleanor said, cutting is addictive and only ever gives a short term relief. It is better to find the cause of your frustration or anger and deal with it directly. Identifying what the real issue is and confronting it head on, as opposed to escaping or distracting your self from it, is a much better course of action and shows a real strength in character. Seeking advice from others is also a very good idea. The burden that could be the root of your problem is not one that should be carried alone. Life, for that matter, is not one of solitude, it is one to be shared with others.

Before I go on, I would like to make it known that I suffer from depression too. This is something a little personal but, today I saw one of my friends. He was away form school for a long period of time and I knew it was because of his depression. His closer ring of friends didn't want to talk about it. When I saw him today I saw the cuts and scars on his arms. It kinda freaked me out, but I didn't show it. It actually hurt me to see them, to see what he did to himself. He is such a nice guy, and it was absolutely confusing seeing this. I had to really try not to cry when I saw this because I. . .I just couldn't bear to see the suffering he had gone through. What you do, even if it is to yourself, has an effect upon those around you, especially those who care about you. Whenever I feel down or my thoughts turn sinister I think about everything important to me, things i love, those whom i love and those who in turn, love me. This always helps.

If you need more advice feel free to PM me.

Simon

 

'Cutting only brings blood and more pain'

One of my friends who I look up to as a role model told me that in high school, and it is completely true, as I'm sure you know. Those words kept me from cutting myself for two years before I finally crashed, and they probably saved my life.

Cutting is never a good solution to your pain. It may help for a little bit, but it doesn't solve the problem, and you just come crashing back down when the endorphins go away and you just have the the blood and pain. I know this from experience, and I'm sure you do too.

I strongly suggest you talk to your doctor, a counselor, or even your friends and parents about this and get help. Seeing someone who is trained to help you figure out what's wrong is a huge help. I started my counseling last semester and look back and realize that in only 6 sessions, 6 hours of talking, I figure out how to be happy with the help of a counselor. They didn't try to pump me full of drugs or tell me I need to do better in life, they just taught me a better way of thinking, and I'm happy now. I'm not afraid to say it, even if it does sound cheesy, but happiness never loses its charm, and I am extremely grateful my friends convinced me to get help.

Talk to someone about this, and make an effort, and it will get better. (&&&)

 

No! No you don't!! You don't have to cut!!!

Like Cecile has already indicated, I view cutting to be like any other addiction. It has become a coping mechanism to escape or avoid negative emotions. Just like alcohol or drugs or gambling or eating or sex. Only cutting, like those other addictions, becomes a problem of it's own. But without healthy coping strategies, you turn to cutting again, even though it makes you feel bad.

It's a cycle that you really need to break. You need to stop - no matter how bad you feel or how strong the urge is to hurt yourself.

Working with an addictions counsellor would be helpful. I worked for me - along with group therapy and 12 step meetings. Don't try to overcome this on your own. Get the help that you need and deserve.

Feel free to PM me any time if you want to chat more one on one.

 

Cutting, or any other form of self-harming is not helpful at all. It makes you feel better for a while, before it makes feel you worse and get the need to cut again. Exactly the way taking drugs makes you feel better until the effects vanish and leave nothing but the need to take some more.
This is why cutting is addictive, and this is why it is in no way a proper way to deal with whatever issues you may have. Because instead of helping you, it's becoming a problem in itself, in addition to the issues you already have.

You don't have to cut. And you clearly don't deserve it, nobody deserves to hurt themselves.
Whatever you issues are, I am sure that what you are inflicting to yourself is not worth it.
Talk to someone about it, anyone that you trust. Don't stay alone with your pain. And please, please remember that you don't deserve pain, nobody does. What you deserve is to find some help to get better.
(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

i feel exactly like that after ive done cuts.

all i can say is try putting all this emotion in2 sumthing u love doing? thats nt harming urself.

 

Wait... Why would you say this? There is nothing in this world more important than you! That might sound cliche, but I would say that to every person I talk to - each of us is the most important thing in the world! Please don't buy into what you're saying, because it's not true.

Each and every person in this world has value, inculding you. In fact, especially you! Each of us has the right to be worth something, and we all have the right to live a happy life. It's your right - remember that.

There are days when I feel like this too. Sometimes it all gets to be just too much and you want to escape the whole deal. But then there are the other days when you're happy to be alive and the world seems like the most awesome place. Killing yourself throws away both the good and the bad, so it's a total waste. Your story isn't quite ready to end just yet; you have a lot left to contribute to this world.

So what you need to do is find a way to cope with the bad days and the piles of shit and your perceived failures so that you can fulfil the vital role you were meant to play on this earth. Each of us is here for a reason. I for one want to see the rest of your story, the part you haven't lived out yet - whose lives you're going to touch, the great discoveries you've yet to make, the incredible joy you're going to feel from some of life's greatest pleasures that you have yet to experience. You're at the very beginning, not the end.

Please get some help - you are crying out for it. It's not a long walk to the other side of the tracks, but you have to take the first steps. You won't regret it.

I really wish I could be there for you... (*hug*)

 

I used to think that way too, and then I hit rock bottom, tried killing myself, and didn't succeed thank goodness. It still took me 9 months until I was brave enough to go see a counselor, and there was the cutting and depression in between there still.

I realized though, along with the help of counseling, and I'm sure people will disagree with me on this, that there is nothing in the world more important than me. Not you, not my family, not the Olympics or even Haiti. If I help someone, it's because I want to. What's the point in helping if I'll be miserable while I do it, and not do my best? Why the hell does what other people think about me matter? Excuse my language, but fuck other people. There's 6 billion other people I can choose from if someone doesn't like who I am. There is, however, only one me. I have to live up to myself and only myself in the end, so I better be happy with what I did. So now I do things for myself, because of what I want, and think, and need. Not what other people have told me I'm supposed to think, or want, or need. I look ahead to what I want in what will be my life, and I do what I have to to get closer to it, of my own free will.

And you should feel the same way about yourself. To you, there should be nothing more important than yourself. Whatever it is that's beating you down, it can be changed. If it's Major Depression, then a doctor can fix it, unless you don't want them to. If you're having a hard time at home or with your friends, then you can move, or if you're still in high school you can go to university halfway across the nation soon enough. Do whatever the hell you need to do in order to make yourself happy, because in the end you have only yourself to live up to.

This is a poem that all of my fraternity brothers are told to reflect upon before joining, so they are certain it is what they want. It applies very well as a life lesson, and it is probably my favorite poem. Read it, and think about it, and then figure out what you have to do in order to look yourself in the eye. I think you know, deep down, killing yourself or harming yourself is not something you really want. It seems like the only escape, but it isn't. If you really think about it, and do what you have to in order to look yourself in the eye, you'll have a full and happy life ahead of you.

If you need help getting to that point, don't be ashamed of it. You can hide it if you want, and not tell people, but you shouldn't feel ashamed of asking for help. There are enough of us here who went through what you are that you can be assured there can be a happy ending that isn't death, and it will be entirely worth it. Difficult, yes, but you will be happy to know that if you do get help, the novelty of being happy never wears off. It's always just as good as those days you have every now and then where things are simply euphoric and at peace, and the depression doesn't edge in. You have to take the first steps though, and remember that we're here with you all the way.

And of course, along with everyone else, feel free to PM me if you need something, or you need to ask some questions you don't want to ask on a public thread.

 

Hi Arteb,

I am incredibly sorry for all of the pain that you are clearly feeling. I've never cut myself, and I've never attempted to kill myself, but I think that I can relate very much to extreme sadness and depression. There were many times in my life that I thought that everything would be easier in the afterlife. I went to Marist College, which was on the Hudson River in New York State. There is a bridge, the Mid-Hudson bridge, that is visible from campus. Staying in the closet, afraid to come out in college, I had many sad, lonely nights. I remember parking my car down by the river several times, thinking to myself "if I jumped off that bridge, it would all be over. I wouldn't have to tell my parents, I wouldn't have to feel hated because of my sexual orientation, and I wouldn't have to go back to my thank-less job."

I thought back to the days of high school, where I was never the popular one. My Friday nights usually consisted of me coming home from school, eating dinner before my parents got home, and watching tv or playing tetris until I fell asleep. I would work on the weekends, come home, do homework, and go to bed. I had 2 friends in high school, one was dating a girl and never had time outside of school, and one had moved to the city junior year. Other than that, it was pretty much just me.

I thought back to the times when people would pretend to be my friend, and I was so desperate that I would let them copy my homework. They would be nice to me for a while until the next assignment came due. Did they ever want to hang out with me, no. And they were the same ones who later in the year would make fun of me in gym class. They would ask me if I spit or swallowed, and I would deny being gay. They would criticize me for being fat.

I never thought of cutting myself until a friend from college told me he used to do it. Good thing I never thought of it, because I probably would have done it. The people before me have given you some excellent advice. Let me tell you something that my grandfather always used to tell me. Everytime you do something bad to yourself or another person, its like hammering a nail into a fence. You can repair it later on down the road, but there is always the hole that cannot be undone. Think about that.

Sitting down by the river in college, I thought that one jump could make all these sad, lonely memories go away. I would not have to endure any more painful nights. I would not have to laugh off the anti-gay comments of my roomates, and I wouldn't have to live this lie any longer. I wouldn't have to go through the pain of coming out.

Thank goodness that I never attempted to do that. Today, I am in the process of fully coming out. I have a successful job, I have a small handful of friends that I talk to daily. Never would have imagined the pieces of the puzzle of life coming together so nicely 8 years ago. And, after much trepidation, I am finally being more proactive and setting up dates with guys with the hope of clicking with someone to call my boyfriend. I'm not there yet, but very hopeful.

My point is this: do not do anything harsh today. Killing yourself will only destroy your chance to find the root of the problem, fix it, and attain some happiness. It might seem like a far way off, but it really isn't. You owe yourself the chance to make a happy life for yourself. Everyone deserves that chance. You're no different. Please do not continue to hurt yourself. I was as lame, as bored, as lonely as they came in high school. Today, I am quite happy, and I am optomistic for what my future will hold. I ask you, please give yourself that chance, too.

You can PM me if you wish - feel free. I think I speak for all of us - we want to see you through this.

--Matt

 

Call 1-866-488-7386. There are people there waiting for you. It's a toll free number, and there are people there for you. Or send any one of us a PM. You are not alone, and I know it is impossible to believe that, and that things can get better, but they can. You have to take the first steps though, and admit that you need some help, and then go get it.

 

What are your problems, I mean the problems behind the cutting?

I obviously don't know your religious convictions or what your spiritual life is like. In any case, being the resident God-guy, I offer you this:

A Song of Lamentation
Lamentations 1:12,16; 3:19,22-24,26

Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by? *
Look and see if there is any sorrow like my sorrow,
Which was brought upon me, *
inflicted by God’s fierce anger.
For these things I weep; my eyes flow with tears, *
for a comforter is far from me, one to revive my courage.
Remember my affliction and my bitterness, *
wormwood and gall!
The steadfast love of God never ceases, *
God’s mercies never end.
They are new every morning; *
great is your faithfulness.
“God is my portion,” says my soul, *
“therefore will I hope in God.”
It is good that we should wait quietly *
for the coming of God’s salvation.

Peace,