I know I'm being a drama queen and I'm sure you all are getting tired of hearing from me..so just ignore this if you want but I just need to vent a bit. It feels better to type things down. So last night I got home from a very frustrating 10 hour work day and my friend was playin on my xbox 360 (yes..the perfect end to a day is playing a relaxing shooting game). So when I get home I tell him that he has a few minutes left to play then I'd like to get on. He then said that as soon as he's done.(he doesn't have a job so it gets annoying playing the job game with him) I have it set up in my room so of course then set in the statement "No. Not as soon as you are done. It is my xbox, my room and I actually have a job. You sit here and play all day. You have 5 minutes..get as much done on there as you can before I come back." (I have started to realise how annoying I had been to my parents when I was younger. Playing games all day and ignoring them when they got home from work...) So I go get comfortable, got a drink and go back in and he is done. As he hands me the controller he says "Never speak that way to me again. You know that when you are in a bad mood it pisses me off. Do it again and I will kick your ass." :eek: Naturally the perfect statement coming from a 21 year old child. He then sets in about how since I came out (keep in mind this has been 11 months since I came out to him and I have not changed who I am since then) that I have been an ass. Sure I am overly critical of someone who doesn't have a job, trashes my room, leaves dirty clothes and trash laying everywhere in my room.. :dry: He then tries his own silver bullet of sorts..im not sure of the exact wording on this part because I was a little upset of what he had said and the combination of being tired..saying something to the effect of ending the friendship..and this was all over a game! If it really is that meaningless to have a friendship with someone and that it can be broken that easily should I even be wasting my time with him? A jobless, unhelpful, messy leech? He sets off to boot camp for the army in exactly two weeks..should I do something before then or just not speak to him again after he leaves? I am really frustrated with all of this.. I'm sorry for dumping this load on here but once again I am stuck and not sure of what to do. I have been on the verge of just breaking down and crying..is it always this hard when a friend does something like this...:icon_sad:
Hmmm, Well, he is your friend for a reason (even though you haven't mentioned much about that). While he may have said some hurtful things, just remember what it feels like when someone comes home in a bad mood (say a parent when you were a kid) and just starts in on you. He may have been in a bad mood too. You say he's going off to boot camp soon. Do you really want to leave things as they are? Just talk to him, say that you're sorry that you were a shit to him when you got home, but that he also said some real hurtful things that are difficult for you to forget. See where that takes you.
There are (and always will be) occasions where the stupidest things set off World War 3. Things get said, tempers flare, each starts upping the ante on the other, and next thing you know it's all out of proportion. It sounds like both of you had a rough day and the two rough days just happened to collide at the same moment. You're probably friends for a reason, despite the messy room and other stuff. Sometimes it helps to step back or give yourself a "time out" for a couple of hours, maybe leave the house for a bit. Let the heat die down a little so you both can reevaluate what was said and sort out the "heat of the moment" stuff from any underlying issues that might need addressing. Cooler heads always prevail. If you still question the friendship, then it's time to discuss it with him over coffee or drinks, or to take action yourself. I do agree with '84 above, you should address this prior to his leaving or you'll have an unresolved issue on your conscience. Best of luck!
This attitude is normal with him...unfortunately..It's true I could probably handle the situations better but to what end? Amazingly this kind of stuff happens often even when I have not said anything to provoke it that I am aware of. It's a constant cold war. I suppose we are still friends just because 1) we both enjoy gaming. (what 21 year old doesn't) 2) share some points of view but very very few. and 3) (this may just be me) he had been kicked out of his parent's place and needed somewhere to stay. As to leaving the house for a while to try and calm down..I do this more often than you'd think..luckilly my sisters live not half an hour away so I go visit with them to try and cool off. He claims to stand up for me when people say bad stuff about me but then turns it around and begins to mock my sexuality..actually on a daily basis. It's times like that make me think of the statement "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." where sometimes i'm not sure what catagory he falls into...
Jon, this guy sounds like a total douche. I'm kinda questioning whether he's a friend at all by even the loosest definition of the term. And he's not only bringing you down by being an everyday jerk, but he's attacking you on a sensitive issue which you don't deserve. I'd just ride out the next two weeks and then let him ride off into the sunset. You don't exaclty sound like you're going to be shedding many tears when he's gone.
Sounds like your both being unreasonable. If my brother ever came home from school\work and demanded I get off the game because he wanted it, I would have told him to fuck off. But my brother has never done that because Its not the right thing to do. Even if it was his game. He would however ask if at the next save point or in say half an hour he could have a turn & I would of course say yes if I had been on all day. Or there is always the option of playing a 2 player game and that way everyone wins. Asking will get you more places then demanding. If you want the xbox when you come home from work tell him beforehand, say "when I come home from work I would like to play the xbox so if you could finish up before I get home that would be great". That way he has prior warning. He may have said things about your sexuality (you haven't given much evidence to that though) but from reading your posts you don't think very highly of him, especially about having no job. I hate it when people pull out the "job" card because its complete bullshit I hate it when family uses it on me and I can see why he was pissed at the way you reacted. Hes not any less of a person because he doesn't have a job, your not any better because you do. Also I don't really see why he would have a job if he's going to boot camp in 2 weeks? If you have issues in the house then sit down and deal with them calmly, no name calling, no you don't have a job so do what I say, just a nice conversation about what could make living together better for the both of you.
He has been living with us on and off for a good 2 years or so and in that time he has had three jobs..holding none successfully (i've actually made the attempt to drive him places to apply). That was the only time I brought up the fact of him having no job so don't leap at me because of the fact he only has 2 weeks left. He is naturally pissy..that's his personality. Also I have tried talking to him several times about his responsibilities and his attitude...it didn't work. So at this time he acts more like an out of control and mouthy teenager than a responsible adult. He often acts like less of a friend and it is annoying..friendships should be an equal effort..and he is not holding up his end :icon_sad:
