Hi. I have been so confused for so long and i just want to figure out if im gay or not. and to be honest with myself i think i know that I am but how do i know if I am for sure. I am 21 years old i have never actually been with a girl but i am more attracted to girls than guys. I have dated a few guys and it just didn't seem right and my friends and family just tell me i haven't met the right guy. But inside i think its just that im not attracted to guys and i just want to know, i think about it constantly and i just worry that if I am how i would my family take it. I come from an extremely Catholic and Strict Portugeese family. If anyone has any advice i would appreciate it so much =)!!
I went through a long drawn-out period of debating my sexuality to myself, so I know where you're coming from. I think I know what you're waiting for - you want to find that one little bit of evidence that tells you that you're not a lesbian, that maybe this is just a phase and you're now getting over it, or that it was all a great big misunderstanding and you just misinterpreted your feelings. Unfortunately you can really get stuck in an endless loop and procrastinate for ever if you fall victim to this kind of waiting game, and it does nothing to move you forward. You need to take off the enormously biased pair of glasses you're wearing when you evaluate these feelings (figuratively speaking of course) and see things for what they really are. If you can, step out of your shoes for a moment when you experience feelings of attraction or otherwise for guys and girls. I'll bet you the truth is right there in front of you, it's just that you're blocking it from shining through. I can also share your suffering on the religious family side too. I'm not out to my parents yet, and that's one of the things holding me back. But... I did make one very important move, and that was to not let the situation with my parents hinder me from coming clean to myself. After years of denial and wavering, I can say with absolute certainty that I am 100% gay. I'm sure it was there all along, but I successfully fuddled around it for years. Of course coming to this point of self-acceptance won't make things any different on the home front, but it is a necessary starting point on your road to happiness, and it doesn't require you to resolve your issues with your parents, at least not yet. Once you get a handle on who you are and you can see things clearly, then you can start working out the rest. Good luck!
Is there any way you can find safe people to talk to? EC is great and helpful, but having someone to walk this path with you would be a good thing. On the religious front, I can only speak as an Anglican. Religious people have two choices. They can either see homosexuality as an aberration of the image of God or they can see the various orientations as part of the mystery of being made in the image of God. If it is mystery, then it is part of the goodness of creation. More and more religious leaders are seeing that way though many lag behind.
I can't offer you too much console aside from not to worry about your sexuality. While in search of what makes you happy, never lose sight of the basic principle behind it: You are you. Finding out what makes you happy, turns you on, enpassions you is a worthy pursuit. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Remember, coming out or finding out who you really are will never change you. Don't worry about whether boys or girls make you happy. Life's far too short to think about that. I spent far too much of my time in life worrying about if it's okay to be gay, to be myself, that I've lost out on so much opportunity that I actually sat down one day and cried over all the forsaken potential. Remember, there's always someone out there who'll be looking for you, your soulmate, and souls have no gender. Love knows no boundary. (*hug*)
Thank you all so much for the advice it really does help having people to talk to about this because as of right now i don't talk to any of my friends and family about it and i just have to keep it to myself and it is so helpful to talk about it to other people .
Hi there! Glad that EC is helping you and that you can talk about things! In addition to the advice above, I would also suggest that you maybe try joining a LGBT support group maybe at school or in your community if it available. I think having someone who has experienced similar things or has gone through the things you are experiencing can really help. Often times when we hear ourselves talking about things, it doesn't look as daunting or frightful anymore because we can start making better sense of them then. A LGBT group is also an important part of your support network, which in turn will allow you to feel more comfortable about yourself and about the way forward. Maybe give it some thought....
The word and label gay is very intimidating. There are many false negatives attached to it. One thing that helped me was to think that I was the first person to ever discover liking the same sex. I did what I could to get rid of my prejudices about being gay. Whatever you do don't let the prospect of possibly coming out in the future to your parents hold you back. I know I'm gay but thinking about telling my parents makes me want to be straight but I know that would not make me happy. There is only one choice you make about being gay. The choice to accept it or not. If you are gay you have always been gay. If there is a god I am confident it would never create a being that is born damned. A lot of species exhibit homosexual tendencies. It is 100% natural to be gay. Whatever you are you are you. You are an integral part of the largest thing we will ever know about. The Universe. Liking the same sex shows you three things. How beautiful the universe is. How beautiful life is. How beautiful YOU are. Hang in there. You will find the answers you seek.(*hug*)
