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Alone

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ralivar, Feb 11, 2010.

  1. Ralivar

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    I know this may sound strange or stupid but I was just out for a walk and I felt so alone. My best friend, the only person I'm out to, has just gone on exchange to Spain, and I'm missing just being able to talk to him whenever.

    I have my family and other friends. I don't talk to my family about things like feelings and emotions and I'm not the kind of person who will tend to talk to anyone about how I'm feeling especially face to face, I would only ever talk to my best friend about stuff and that was really hard for me.

    It's not that I'm feeling physically alone, but I don't know maybe emotionally alone would be the best way to describe it.

    Anyway thats enough emotion sharing from me, thanks for reading.
     
  2. werekid

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    man that sucks
     
  3. Filip

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    (*hug*)

    Being emotionally alone is pretty tough. Especially if you only have a single person to have real in-depth talks with, it's hard to see them go. How long does this exchange last?

    I'm not sure whether you're asking for advice or just wishing to get that off your liver, but some possible solutions spring to mind:

    - You could try to set up some kind of regular chats with your friend. Even if the timezone difference is big, there's bound to be an occasional moment in which you can chat or skype or communicate. It isn't the same as face-to-face, and it doesn't happen whenever you want to, but at least you're in real-time conversation every so often.

    - If there are other friends you really like, you could try opening up a bit more to them. When I came out and became more open to friends, I discovered that, while I feared that they wouldn't be open to hear about my problems, it was the other way around. I was just irrationally afraid of bothering them. The amount of support I got from them was pretty amazing. So, maybe consider opening up to one or two other friends. You might be surprised at the support you get.

    - Writing can help. When I feel bad, and don't have anyone to talk to, I tend to write a diary entry on my computer. It doesn't give me feedback, but often the act of writing it all down helps a lot already. I usually discover I already know the answer, as long as I formulate the question well. And if you really do want some feedback from other people, we're here to offer input if you post it (or if you don't want to post publicly, you can PM any of the advisors or moderators. Helping is what we're here for).

    I hope that helps a bit (*hug*)
     
  4. Sylver

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    Interesting, I was just about to start a thread on this... :confused:

    I know what you mean about not being emotionally open with your family. My family never talks about things like love and emotional well-being, so I grew up not knowing how to open up to people. I can only really open up to my best friend. It got to the point where I was exactly where you are right now, best friend gone off somewhere and no one to share feelings with.

    If you're anything like me then your emotional openness is an internal problem, not an external problem. In other words (and I'm trying to be gentle) it's a problem with you, not with the rest of the world. The good news is that it only takes you to fix it. And I would strongly encourage you to do something about it for two reasons. First of all, it's kind of necessary for coming out to other people. After all you're revealing an inner secret about yourself to others, so if you have trouble sharing with others on an emotional level then it will make coming out even more challenging.

    Secondly, you're missing out on one of the most fascinating experiences in life, sharing your emotions with another person. There is such a feeling of release when you've been bottling things up inside and you can finally say anything to them. It's like an addiction; once you've tried it you'll want more of it! It's hard to do at first, but it is very much worth it.

    Here's what I did. I took a look at the various other people in my life for a good candidate for someone with whom I could take an existing "shallow" relationship and make it much deeper on an emotional level. For me that was my older sister. She had been trying to get me to open up a little more lately but I had always kept the door tightly locked. So the next time we got into a conversation, I let down my barriers and let the conversation drift wherever it wanted to go. When matters of emotion came up, I started talking and just letting it all out. She was shocked, but she was so happy that she could finally relate to me on a deeper level. And once I started I couldn't stop - it just all started coming out.

    Now I have an incredible relationship with my sister. I can say anything I want to her and she's always there for me. She's the second person I came out to, and she has been my rock. As I work through coming out to my parents, you have no idea how big of a role she's playing - I can run ideas past her, I can tell her when I'm scared and what I'm afraid of, I can ask her for help when I'm feeling down. I honestly don't know how I managed to live as long as I did with all these emotions bottled up inside, but having her as a close confidant has totally changed my life. I'd say that's what you need.

    By the way, a lot of people also get this need fulfilled by a good therapist or a counselor. If you take a look and don't feel like there's someone else in your life that you can open up to, opening up to a professional will have the same benefits. It can be a game-changer. In fact, I think that might have made a difference in the life of one of my new friends here on EC...

    Whatever happens, don't allow yourself to be emotionally alone. It's not a happy place, and you definitely have the power to fix this. Trust me, you will never ever regret it! :thumbsup:
     
  5. malachite

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    well, you can talk to us here until he comes back!
    :icon_wink
     
  6. Ralivar

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    My initial post was really just to get things off my chest, but I appreciate all the support and advice that you have all given me.

    I know that its a problem with me rather than the world around me. I can also pinpoint where I think a lot of it comes from. All me life we have moved around due to my dads work, and everytime we moved it took me longer to make friends and I made less of them each time. I know this probably sounds stupid and I know lots of people make more friends when they move but I'm the opposite, I think it has to do with the fear of moving again and leaving them behind, and so I didn't make as many friends.

    I'm not much of a writer but I appreciate the suggestion Filip and I might give it a try sometime. Thanks JamesENL as well, it might take me a while to implement any changes but I appreciate all your suggestions. malachite, thanks, I'm beginning to understand that we can talk about almost anything on EC the longer I spend on here.