Wow I've made 2 threads in this section. This is not a good sign. Anyway this one isn't about my sexuality at all. I'm still going through some issues with that, but hopefully I'll reach the light at the end of the tunnel. Anyway this thread is about my "socialness" or lack thereof. I'm typically a shy person, don't talk a lot except of course with friends. Online I'm completely different. I talk to people so much more because it seems like you can talk about anything rather than in person I feel like I always have to say something relevant to the current situation. Of course then I start talking to people online, I then talk to them too much and they just all of a sudden back off and don't talk to me. And then they don't even tell me. I feel like I've finally made a friend and then suddenly they stop talking to me. I then feel bad because I know this is a habit of mine and I apologize to them. They say something like "Oh no that's ok" and then they go right back to not talking to me. I feel like I'm pushing everyone away. Even some people on here but mostly at school and in real life. I wish I didn't have this stupid habit.
You are definitely being waaaay to hard on yourself. I saw a post you made a few days ago where you said you felt like you were a killer of threads or something like that, and I felt really bad that you had to feel that way. The Internet is a funny place to interact socially, and sometimes it can be too easy to read into things that simply aren't true. I've posted messages on people's boards and they've never answered me - that's OK, because they were probably busy or missed it or whatever. Or they just didn't have anything to say to me. I've started threads that have died lonely deaths, and others that seem to have caught on. I don't really judge anything by it. So let me tell you what you want to hear. You don't talk too much. Everything I've ever read that you posted has been interesting and relevant. I haven't always responded because I only try and post where I have some confidence in what I'm saying, but I can assure you that I read all of your posts with great interest. I'm pretty sure there isn't one person here who doesn't enjoy talking to you, and I'm also sure none of them ever ended a conversation with you because you're pushing them away. If they're anything like me, they are spending a little too much time on here and they find themselves juggling 20 conversations at the same time. And if you ever want to talk, just say something on my wall - as a testament to my verbosity I've only been here just more than a month and my wall is already longer than many others who have been here for months or years, and it's mostly because I can't stop talking. I promise you, if I end a conversation with you it's because I'm on an airplane, I fell asleep or I died! Friends? :icon_bigg
Hi there! I think you have mentioned something that could help you in real life as well. When you talk with friends in real life, don't feel that you have to mention things that are 'only' relevant to the current situation or topic that is being talked about. Conversation or chats with friends evolve and they will frequently change. If there is something you want to talk about or something you want to mention during a conversation go for it! If you feel that there is something you want to talk about, you can always try shifting the conversation to that topic. Maybe it will take some practice, and you might have your awkward moments at first but maybe give that a try. In other words, you should be able to talk to your friends about similar, if not the same things as you do with your online friends. Also, when you are engaged in a conversation, let others know that you like to talk, and that if they feel you talk too much or they feel that they haven't had enough time to respond or say something they would like to bring up, they can always tell you to stop and you will completely understand. Like this you let your friends and other know one, you like to talk (which is a good thing ) but you also give them the permission to stop you and tell you "hey, now it is my turn." I have a friend who likes to talk and speak her mind about things, and sometimes once a conversation gets going, some time will pass before she stops and looks at me and tells me "sorry I didn't let you say anything." And you know what? It happens, and it is perfectly fine. It happens to me too! When you talk to your friends and others in real life, take cues from them and watch out for their body language and what they might want to communicate to you. Listen to what they have to say. Sometimes, we get so involved in a conversation or topic, not realizing that our friend or someone else wants to say something or move the conversation along. We all have our favourite topics and once we have the chance to talk about it, we will talk about it. So while you talk about something always observe your friends or others, and take the cues from them. If you feel that maybe they want to change the topic, let them know that it is perfectly okay to stop you and to change the topic or gears! Now as for people not continuing to talk to you, I don't think there is a correlation between you 'talking too much' and them not wanting to talk to you anymore. I wouldn't read too much into it. I'm sure you are not pushing anyone away. People have busy lives and often times people to whom you talked to will come back and keep talking to you. The great thing is that you are able to be more open and talkative online, which could also help you in real life because through that you learn that there is no harm in being a bit more open about yourself, and there is no harm in moving conversations along or changing the topic of conversation. I hope this helps a bit!
Well, about people who suddenly stop responding, I've been guilty of that sometimes and it has been done to me a lot. Sometimes things just come up, people get busy, say "I'll reply later" then forget, or internet dies while they're reading it, then they forget about it, etc., lots of reasons, but the most common one I've been guilty of, and it's probably one of if not THE most common reason, people just get lazy. It gets a bit tedious responding to someone a lot and requires a bit of effort in some cases. Don't look at it as though they don't want to talk to you, it's just that you have more energy and need to be courteous and respond than they do. Just give it time, and then try striking up a brand new conversation after a while of a "break".
I didn't use to be the best in conversation either. And I still have a few hangups when it comes to keeping a conversation going. But there are a few things that I found to be helpful. The first thing to remember is that overanalysing kills a conversation pretty efficiently. I agree with what Mirko says, above, but it's best not to have too much of these thoughts while actually engaging in conversation. Going "oh no, he's standling like that, does that mean he is interested? Or that he's getting bored? Or am I annoying him?" only distracts you. And then you lose track and trail off. Analysis is good, but better done after the conversation. So it pays to boldly stride onwards and assume that if others want to change topic, they will do so. Just the occasional mention of "oh, if I get too carried away, please do stop me" is usually enough to get people to do so. Most (if not all) of the time, worries about not being on topic, about comments being wrongly interpreted, about being found boring... are all in your own mind. However, if something really bothers you, it doesn't hurt to ask for feedback. I often have the feeling that I go on too much about myself when engaged in conversation, so I'll occasionally just ask people whether I'm being self-absorbed. Usually the answer is no, so I tend to take that as a clue that my worrying about it is just overanalysing. Of course, I'm well aware that "don't overanalyse" is easier said than done. But, as with all things, prectice makes perfect. As you get the hang of it more and more, it will become more and more natural! Online conversations do often just tend to break off. People to get distracted by things happening nearby, they have other friends that they're conversing with... And conversation is always more intense when first talking to someone. There's just so many new topics to explore. Then, once you know each other better, it tends to die down just a little bit. Maybe it's best then to just wait a few days and just chat them up again, asking how their day was, and working further from there. Are there people you talk to both in real life and online? It might be odd for them having you be quiet in real life, only to be met with a cascade of words when you're online. There's nothing wrong with balancing the two, continuing an online conversation in real life and vice versa. Oh, and don't worry about making two threads in this section. There's nothing wrong with asking for some advice on things that bother you!
If it makes you feel any better I'm ten years older than you and still have many of the problems you do. Give it time and listen to the advice that's been posted already.
