ok so right now im not feeling too good.i think i might come out to my mom.im so nervous something is telling me i should tell her.i cant take it anymore.:help::icon_sad:should i i need help:icon_sad::icon_sad::icon_sad:
Do you have any sense of how your mom will react? Or are you like me and can only imagine the worst possibilities? I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you not to do what I did. I had a hunch I was gay since age 10. I fought it tooth and nail for 36 years until I was so far into depression I couldn't get out. Of course, by that point I had been married for 15 years with a daughter. I have started to come out and have come out to my wife. That was the hardest and scariest thing I've ever done. She handled it really well and is being very supportive. My hope is your mom will be just as supportive. The other thought is to figure out who would be absolutely safe and supportive and start with them. Maybe after a little practice there won't be so much pressure about coming out to your mom. Peace,
her reaction would not be anger but i will cause her worries idk.she would have the worry of telling my dad.but i cant do this anymore i feel depressed and im thinking thats the need to tell her.pills are not working.is it ok if i tell her i mean it cant be that bad.i just dont want to cause her anymore worrys and secrets.she would be fine but what do you recomend.its it ok for me to tell her.i also have not gained any gay friends.
There will be people with more experience than me who will be around tomorrow I expect. Yes, I think its okay to tell your mom. But that's based mostly on your need to tell her and move ahead. I think that is a valid enough reason to move ahead. And yes, it is appropriate to be concerned about her feelings but you are not responsible for them or how she reacts. Those are her choices to make. I myself reached a point where I was on 4 antidepressants. That's when I realized I wouldn't be able to medicate my way out of this and had to move ahead. It felt like a choice between living and dying and I chose to live. I was fortunate to have a few openly gay colleagues to whom I could come out first. These people became a support group that has helped me tell my wife and live with the aftermath. It doesn't seem that finding gay friends in Oklahoma City would be easy. I think as other people connect with you here that may be a worthy substitute. peace,
it sounds like you are not worried about your moms reaction. I think you should get this off your chest. If it is worrying you and making you depressed you should get it done. HOWEVER don't do anything your not ready to do yet. If your mom will be ok with it just remember all you do by telling her is strengthen your relationship, take a step towards feeling more free and able to express yourself, and generally to be more happy. Coming out to family i think makes the step of coming out to friends easier. I know fathers are usually a tough one for anyone who needs to come out on the male end of things (mine was at least but there are plenty of unrelated issues with him) I think that telling your mom can only help you with that step and maybe even take care of it for you if she goes to him to try and lighten the blow :x Bottom line is, if you feel depressed and am ready to get it off your chest then go do it and trust it will work out the best that it can GL hope i helped and you can PM me anytime
Hi there! Coming out to parents is one of the hardest things we do. It is very easy to feel overwhelmed. Take a deep breath. Try to take a step back and try to relax a bit. (*hug*) From what you have mentioned it seems that you have come to a point where you feel that she needs to know. Also, it sounds like that your mom would be okay and perhaps even supportive. If that is the case, and you have the feeling that it is the right time to come out and that your mum is going to be supportive maybe try thinking about a good time on coming out to her. Maybe try coming out during a time where you have some time alone with her and can sit down with and talk to her. You have identified a couple of good reasons to come out. One, you want her to know; two you don't won't to keep secrets from her. Coming out to her and being more open about yourself could help you in reducing the stress you might be experiencing and it could also allow you to be more open with your mum about other issues that you are facing. Sometimes, things are connected and we don't really realize it until we start working on one thing and slowly move onto another thing. I don't think it matters all that much if you have made gay friends before coming out to your mum. All that matters is that you have a good support network (of which your mum can certainly be a part of) on which you can lean upon if you need to. Before you come out to your mum though, try to think about if you would like to do it in person or if you might feel more comfortable with writing a letter and leaving it for her to read, and talk with her afterward. Writing a letter could perhaps help you to feel less nervous because it will allow you to organize your thoughts and tell her everything you want her to know about you in the way you want it to come out. If you and your mum are worried as to how your dad might react, you can always wait a bit before coming out to him. Mention that to your mum and let her know that it is okay if dad doesn't know at this time. Also, before you come out, look in the mirror, and say out loud "today I am going to come out to my mum." Try to take note of all of your feelings and thoughts. If you feel good, or at least have a feeling that this is the right time and can tell yourself "yes I am ready" maybe give it a try and see how it goes. Sometimes it is better to wait a bit and make sure one is ready. I hope this helps a bit!
^^ I think Mirko is a genius when it comes to advice on matters of coming out to parents. Trust me! What I'm learning is to take your time, step back and look at things objectively. Ask yourself; - What are your reasons for coming out to your mother at this time? - Do you expect her to react positively and with understanding? - Do you have a support network in case it doesn't go well, or are you confident enough that it will go well? - What are you hoping will happen after you've come out to her? If you can answer all of these positively, then you're probably at the point where you should come out to her! Also, unless she's totally "gay-savvy", then you might want to direct her to a couple of resources, especially PFLAG, which can help her understand you and your situation, as well as her own reactions and questions. Even if she's supportive it's likely that she'll still have some questions and this will help her come to a better understanding - which is good for you as well! Good luck!! :icon_bigg
