So, I came out to my mom a few years ago. I wasn't ready, but she knew something was wrong and asked and I had to tell her. Since then she just seems like she doesn't approve at all. She tries to be supportive, but whenever I talk about it she looks like in her head she hates who I am. I try to talk to her about it but I just can't. What should I do?
It's hard to do much if your mother is saying one thing and thinking another. The most direct thing to do is just tell your mother what you are feeling - that she hasn't really accepted who you are. This is a bit confrontational and may feel risky but it might also open up the unspoken conversation. I'm sure there will be other people more helpful than me so keep checking your thread. Peace,
My basic belief is that people can't control their thoughts, but they can control their actions. Whatever your mother's thoughts, she's at least SAYING the right things. It sounds like she's TRYING to be supportive. She may have a bunch of homophobia built up over the decades, and it's tough to just jettison that instantaneously. She may still be grappling with it. Let her know that YOU're supportive of HER, as well. Try to educate her (as pleasantly and passively as possible), and give her time to come around. Lex
I like what lex had to say. I'd just add that your mom may not know that you are perceiving this from her. I'm sure she wouldn't want to hurt you deliverately. By telling her what you're feeling or perceiving it may help her to move along in her attitudes toward acceptance, since she'll be aware that her attitudes affect you.
Hi there! As padre411, Lex and boredofnormal mentioned, talk to your mum and let her know that the both of you need each other. As Lex mentioned, educate her on what it means being Transgender and also what it means for you. The key here is that she tries to be supportive, which could indicate that she is also trying to understand it. Maybe what you could do is try finding some good books on Trangender issues, and what it means to be Transgender. PFLAG has a bunch of suggestions, and you might find something that could be useful. Also, PFLAG Canada has a brochure entitled "So what is it like being transgender". The document can also be downloaded as a PDF version. Perhaps sit down with your mum and read over the material together and answer her questions and/or concerns as you read through it to the best of your abilities. Education and talking about it can help in bringing you two closer together. I hope this helps.
