A few weeks ago my step dad grabbed my butt as i went to give him a hug goodnight. When he did i jumped back. It did not have the playful vibe or accidental one either. then i noticed him staring at me often....and on friday around 1230am my parents were partying with two friends and he came into my room with they were a room away (this was after a few beers) and asked me what i was doing. when i replied playing on the computer he just stood there. and then i asked him to leave and he wouldnt. and i told him to leave several times afterward and he still stood and stared. he stood there for at least ten minutes. I didnt like that look. Am i over reacting? some friends say im not. but when i told my mom she said i was and that he wasnt that kind of person and that she saw him grab my butt and it was to lift me into his chair and bearhug me. What should i do? Advice?:icon_sad:
if he keeps it up you should tell him that he makes you feel uncomfortable and if he doesn't stop then you should call the proper authorities like child services
...I'm sorry but I have to ask how old you are? Reading your post, I got the shivers. Not the good kind of shivers either. I can imagine how you must have felt. I would have done the same thing. First of all, if you have a note pad or journal, document it. The time, date, what happened exactly. If it keeps happening, document it every time. That way there is record of it. And let your dad know. If you can, talk to a school counsellor.. You're not overreacting. This isn't a joking matter.
Be careful about it is all you can do really. Be prepared, there is a chance nothing is wrong but it is not worth the risk to blow it off. If anything happens that is suspect or he makes any more "moves" or anything like that you need to call him out on it and let your mom know. If things get obviously bad and your mom won't listen try telling another close relative but be careful, it is tricky and he could have done it on accident and been trying to apologize or something. Just keep an eye out and maybe confront him directly about it and say it made you uncomfortable. Hope i helped i don't have any experience in the situation besides a couple friends who where in it GL the only reason i'm saying careful and not go to someone is it seemed like it could possibly not be what it seems and i have had a friend who blew the whistle on something like that and caused a lot of issues. So like i said ANYTHING else suspect needs to get reported to mom, close relative, councilor, or dad. Hope no one gets the wrong idea about what i am posting i in no way think this should be taken lightly, just that it is sensitive.
You need to trust your instincts. If you felt uncomfortable and your mental alarm signals went off, you need to pay attention to that. Unfortunately, it isn't that uncommon for people in your mom's position to be in denial and/or make excuses or try to make it seem like it's your fault - it's hard for someone to admit that they might be married to an abuser. How long have you lived with your stepdad? Is this the first time he's made you feel uncomfortable? I think you should be careful. Lock your bedroom door if possible. Try not to be alone with him in the house. Call a women's hotline in your area and get advice - you can probably look one up in your phone book. Even if it turns out that you are overreacting (and it doesn't sound to me like you are), you're better to be safe than sorry.
I'm sorry, but I have to agree with you. Dudes don't have to deal with worrying about people "looking at them in a creepy way" or being possibly raped. At least not often.
Generally we don't need to worry about our stepdads looking at us in creepy ways, but it's happened to me in gay bars-I'm talking extremely unwelcome sexual advances. Back to the main point: I would agree with the documentation, but just doing a journal may not be good enough-he could argue in his defense that you fabricated it. If it keeps happening, I would see about using your webcam to get in on tape.. Or get a spy kit through the internet so you can set up small cameras in other places around the house where the offense is more likely to take place. Another simple thing is to buy a tape recorder, like the kind you would use to record a lecture. It will only catch audio, but if you can get it on tape that you've asked to be left alone and he won't leave, that might be suitable too.
While grown straight men usually don't have to worry about being raped, it can and does happen, even more so if you happen to be gay. There is also other similar things guys do have to worry about though just as much as women, sexual harassment, date rape drugs, stalkers, physical abuse etc. Also teen and pre-teen boys do have to worry just as much about sexual abuse as girls do because it happens just as much to them by both men and women, it just happens to be less reported, as guys tend to be more ashamed about being abused when its done by a male and will feel that they wont be believed when its done by a female. Another thing, you don't have to be a girl to know what its like to be victimised and to be able to empathise\sympathise and to give good advice about such situations.
Trust your instincts. Don't hug him anymore. Don't be alone with him. If he comes into your room to be alone with you, get up and go into a room where other people are. If there aren't any other people, go into the bathroom. If he (or your mother) asks why you're doing any of this, just say "I just feel weird. I'm sorry, but I do." Lex
I'm with Lex. If someone makes you uncomfortable with someone then is your brain warning you something isn't right. Don't hug him if he touches you in a way that makes you feel odd, and tell him that you don't like it if he tries.
That's kinda asking for it though. Anyways, I would listen to Chandra! All her advice is very good. Keep your door locked. And a lock he can't get into. If you don't have one tell your mom you want one. Sounds like you're old enough for your privacy either way. And try not to be alone with him... If you do what Lex says, keep a phone w/ you if there's nobody there...
It could just be a series of innocuous happenings which when pieced together look sinister but its better to be safe than sorry. I'll not repeat the good advice that has been given above except to add something to what Austin says. Keep a phone close by, a mobile phone, and if possible arrange a quick keyword with a friend that if you text it to them that they know you need help. Hopefully you would never need to use it but better safe than sorry.
Be on your guard. This might sound bad but don't listen to your mom on this. Trust your gut, and if things get worse/more frequent get in touch with the poice ASAP.
The phone idea is a good one. Correct me if I am wrong, but any cell phone, even if you do not have a plan/contract, can be used to dial 911..So you could have a secret phone of your own in case of an extreme emergency.
It's asking for it if you are alone and dancing provocatively, not if you are having casual conversation with friends in a booth. Especially if you've already said NO 3 times.
I don't think you're overreacting at all. I don't have an official step-dad, but I would be extremely uncomfortable if my mom's boyfriend touched my butt. If it makes you uncomfortable, then it's not alright. Don't hug him or be alone with him for a while. If he tries anything else, call the authorities. Everyone else has offered most of the advice I could think of.
