i have wrote on here before about been in love with my best mate and got some suggestions and advise - i am homosexual which he knows but he is totally srt8 - i have tried so much to try not see him as much and try change my feelings towards him is just hurting too much.
Hi there! It can take a while before you are able to turn the page but you will eventually. You have already started doing a few things, such as trying to see him less, which is already a really good step in trying to move on. Try to keep busy and distract yourself as much as possible. Maybe try getting some new friends, join some activities at your school or in the community. You could also try joining a LGBT support and/or social group. Getting to know new people and doing new things will help you in distracting yourself but also in continuing the process of moving on. Also, when you do start having thoughts about and feeling for him, maybe instead of fighting them, just acknowledge them that they are there but continue doing what you were doing, whether it be working on school stuff, or being out for the evening or watching TV. Whenever you have thoughts about him, just say to yourself "there they are" but don't stop what you where doing. The more you fight against the thoughts and feelings the more persistent they will become. But if you just acknowledge them and stay distracted, you don't allow the thoughts to gain a foothold. With time, you will move on and be able to turn the page. (*hug*)
I've found that it's not so much about getting over a straight friend as it is about accepting that your feelings can't be reciprocated and coming to a good place with that. Personally, I feel like there will most likely always be a little something there, but I know from experience that obsession is no good. You just have to force yourself to... half move on? If that makes any sense.
I'm going through the same thing, but my friend is gay. I don't want to lose his friendship, so I do my best to keep my emotions in check even though it kills me inside sometimes.
This is one of the toughest parts of being gay, I find. I bet almost every gay guy has crushed on at least one straight guy. I've lost some valuable time on a couple myself... and of course they went nowhere. In hindsight that was pretty predictable, but I know what it's like to get caught up in someone against your better judgment. Time is the healer. Take Mirko's advice and it will help you get to that point. You might also want to get yourself more active in LGBT circles to make new friends that may eventually lead to new relationships. Even if you just form some good friendships it will help you take your mind off your straight crush. Good luck!
I needed this advice, actually. So, thank you. I basically don't have much else to add. The attractions are going to be there. If your friendship is good, you should be able to see past these fantasies and still have that valuable bond.
I realized I was gay enough that I should come out when I found I was fantasizing about one of my best friends. I had kind of thought of myself as somewhat bi, and then all of a sudden I was in love with him. That was in November 2008, and it wasn't till he left to Spain for a month in June 09 that I longer felt for him in that way. I don't know if that seems long to you or not, but I felt it quite intensely at times during those months. I still do occasionally, in very small ways. I saw him a lot then, helping him with what he was doing, more than was probably good for me, but I couldn't In ways that's life. People fall in and out of attraction for people before settling down with someone, and fall in love with people who have no interest in them. It happens just as much because one of the people is gay and the other not as in the wider population. Boy likes girl, girl has no interest in boy. It's harder of course when you're good friends anyway, and can't avoid seeing them. I probably can't really give you great advice, because I haven't yet found the right boy for me. But I hope it helps to know that it will probably pass, even if it feels strange to think that your feelings for him could wane.
To be honest, I don't think it is possible, or at least it wasn't for me. I had to stop seeing him, period. It was hard, but in the end I think it will be for the best.
I'm going through a similar thing too, i find it easier these days because i'm away at uni but this doesn't help when im back at home, perhaps the only way to move on is to meet someone else?
i have a crush with my friend and they're all straight guy and it hurts me. lol but my advice...do not date best friend good luck ! ^^
I'm a similiar situation, but it is getting better the more I spend time with him, ironically, I'm finding myself liking him less and less as something more than a friend, and it's more or less getting to the point where he's becoming kinda like a brother, where it feels odd to be attracted to him and a bit wrong. I don't really like the people's advice on here that say just stop seeing your crush altogether. If he's your friend, that's a pretty f***ed up thing to do, and you're basically running from the problem.
The only thing I can tell you is that it takes a very long time to forget someone you love. For years I was inlove with my best friend, but she never considered me more than a friend (I'm a guy, so things could have worked out). Anyways, I had to accept that nothing was ever going to happen between me and her;therefore, I decided to stop loving her. This was a huge step, but I didnt take 2 weeks or a month to forget about her. It took me 2 years to forget about her (I havent seen her since high school. I moved to the US and she moved to France). I know it is really tough to forget someone, but what i realized is that you don't have to waste your time loving someone who doesnt correspond you. If you do so, you lose opportunities of finding someone else who likes you. I loved this girl for so long, and this "love" didnt let me see that other people around me where interested in me. So, as a conclusion, let him go. Try to forget about him. This is not going to take a day, it might take years. Look around for people who are interested in you. Dont miss the opportunity of been with those people because you are in love with your best friend. Good luck.
ok 1st thig u could b feeling these feelings coz u2 r close. u might nt b fully gay, dnt b scared of how u feel. u should let him knw ur feeling a bit eeeeh atm
I went through a similar thing that was just so painful. On the one hand i was told not to see the guy but on the other hand i couldn't. It took a while and me meeting his gf for me to start to get over him. from start to finish was a bit under 3 years. At the end of which i did actually tell him wierdly, he said he had figured but it was easier to ignore as he didn't want to lose the friendship. So basically i dont think there is a right answer everyone is different, you'll get there in the end :S
I also know exactly how it feels to love a straight best friend. For me, the "solution" so to speak lied in just acknowledging my feelings for him and not fighting against them, but do keep in touch with your friend. It may be tough being in love with him, but just not seeing him anymore isn't the right thing to do in my opinion. He's your friend first and foremost, so it's important to keep that bond if it's been a worthwhile one. I still have some feelings of love towards the friend I've always had a crush on. He's a great guy, one of the first people I came out to, and he took it really well. He's always been nice to me, and we see each other once a week to play Dungeons and Dragons. Of course, I can't really stop the intense feelings of arousal I get around him sometimes, but I know that he's straight and there will be nothing romantic between both of us. He and I may love each other as friends, but not as lovers, and that's fine with me since you do run the risk of losing the friendship if you act on your romantic feelings towards him. It's different for everyone so I don't know what to recommend for you to stop loving your best friend. I haven't found the answer myself either really. Maybe it needs a few more years to sink in, or it will take finding Mr. Right to finally melt away my feelings of love for my friend. I hope all the best for you! (*hug*)
