I apparently have no judgment and am a complete douchebag.

VENT TIME. Or I'll explode, seriously.

So today started off completely bitchin' awesome and ended a complete and utter shitfest and I feel so weird about the whole goddamn thing.

So I'd had tickets to see Tegan and Sara for three months. I ask a friend of mine who I know likes that kind of music if she wants to go with, back in November when I bought them, she says okay. She ends up having to back out this week because she had far too much schoolwork to do. This, I understand. I'd have rather gone alone than request that she fail her project to accompany me.

I apparently should have gone alone.

I invited my best friend instead, who I've been besties with since 7th grade. No problem, right? She saw P!nk with me and that was a good time. Judging by what happened to night, I owe part of how awesome P!nk was to how difficult it was to obtain alcohol at American Airlines Center. >:[

Best friend had way, way too much to drink. I had had, like, three drinks the entire night, because I didn't want to end up so piss-drunk I couldn't actually remember the concert I paid for. I shouldn't have done it at all; I didn't want to, but I did anyway, because I'm a moron. Maybe it was because I hadn't slept in two days? Whatever.

My friend had significantly more than I did. She got all quite, uh, grabby and kissy, which I totally went along with because goddammit, I'm a 22 year old woman who's never even held hands with someone other than a relative. I didn't want to be doing that, there, but I didn't really want to say no, either. Had the situation been different, I wouldn't feel too weird making out with her at all. I mean, she'd had a crush on me, I'd had a crush on her, there is kind of a history? But she's dating a guy and he's totally awesome and I feel so shitty about participating in that. If she were single and we were alone it'd just be a little awkward because we've known each other since middle school, not ACTIVELY SHAMING.

I enjoyed it. I had fun, at the time. It didn't occur to me until the drive home the magnitude of making out with my best friend, who is dating an awesome guy who I'm really fond of, because we were drunk at the time.

And she was incredibly trashed, judging by the fact that she started puking and we had to leave 5 songs in to the actual band I came there to see. I drove her home, because puking can't really be ignored and I'm not gonna seriously expect her to sit in a bathroom stall horking her brains out for an hour and a half so I can see the show, but fuck. I planned this for three months. I spent eighty dollars. And in three hours, she manages to ruin the night and make me feel weird all in one fell swoop, and I know it wasn't anything she did maliciously. Apparently her substance abuse problem was not as under control as she made it out to be, and I should've said something. I didn't. I just stood there, let her grab me, grabbed her back, and even if I'd been sober I probably would've still been too much of a pussy to tell her she'd had too much.

The concert? I'm sad about, yeah. I cried on the drive home. I started fucking bawling after I dropped her off. But I managed to buy tickets to see them elsewhere in the state just so I can actually see what I paid to see the first time, so, you know, whatever. May not be the best financial decision but GODDAMMIT I AM GOING TO GO SEE THEM.

The rest of it? I feel really, really weird about. What makes it worse is that someone I go to school with was standing in front of us THE ENTIRE TIME. I kind of doubt she (or anyone else) cared much beyond, "Look at those two annoying drunk girls, goddamn" but FRENCH KISSING IS HARD TO MISS. I am so fucking embarrassed and I feel like I made a complete ass of myself. I really am debating avoiding all the meetings I know her from for the rest of the fucking semester because I don't even want to show my face.

So basically my first kiss ended in VOMIT AND TEARS. ALCOHOL RUINS EVERYTHING. TONIGHT SUCKED. AUUGHHHHhh.

I just had to vent about that. My parents got that I was upset at leaving the concert early (which I am and was), but I couldn't share the half of it. It's not that I'm closeted and they'd be "OH GOD GIRLKISSES", I just feel so frickin' ashamed of the way I behaved. I didn't start the mackin', I didn't even want to drink in the first place, but I sure caved really quickly, so I feel I'm to blame as well. =/ Eff eff eff.

This was long and I don't know if anyone even wants to bother to read it, but I have no idea how to feel about this situation. I've settled on "weird".

 

Thanks, everyone. =) Also, sleeping for the first time in two days helped, so I feel a lot better this morning. I've texted her (which is probably kinda corny, but my ears are still ringing from last night so I don't want to deal talking on the phone just yet, heh). She's my best friend, and has been for, like, ten years, so we'll totally get past this.

But yeah. Feeling 90% less weird this morning. I was tired and unhappy last night so that made things worse, I think.

 

Oh we totally weren't the only gropey couple there, haha! We might've been the most intense in the immediate area, but there was a lot of smooching going on around us, too. And she is bisexual; she just prefers dating men. She's told me in past that she had a crush on me growing up (and I had one on her too!) and she's just a very lovey kind of person, so, I figure it was pretty easy to get caught up in the atmosphere there. (There were SO MANY LESBIANS IN ONE PLACE. It was amazing!)

And I suppose a first kiss with my best friend, even if the night ended shittily, is better than someone I don't know! Or who I break up with in a week or something.

It was totally rockin', though, I won't lie. She is a great kisser. =D